Vegetarian or Douchebag?

Before I start this little rant, let me begin by saying that I have nothing personal against anyone or vegetarians in general. It’s a life choice and I respect that. But don’t bullshit me on why you chose to become one.


Image Credit:

Have you ever been in a restaurant and overheard someone declare themselves a vegan/vegetarian? When I hear this, a few different thoughts go through my mind.

  1. “Why are you eating here then?” Chances are if I’m there, their main dishes are meat on more meat covered in the drippings of a third meat.
  2. “Why are you declaring this for everyone to hear? Just order something that’s not meat.” You don’t hear people declaring their allergy of peanuts everywhere they eat. You may hear them ask if peanuts are in it or around it, but that’s about it- and that is a legit medical reason.
  3. And my final thought, which answers both of those. “You pretentious douche.”

Now if you’ve made this dietary choice based on health or something like that- move along, nothing to see here. As a matter of fact, I respect you. Giving up meat isn’t something I think I could do easily. And given a medical reason to do so, I know I’d have problems with it.

But here is the excuse that I call bullshit on every time. “I just feel like it’s wrong/immoral.”

Really!? Do you really? Let’s take a look at a good chunk of these pretentious douches. You feel like it’s wrong to eat an animal and further sustain your own life- a pretty just damn cause if you ask me. But you’ve got no problem dropping $300 on a pair of sneakers that was probably made by a 10 year old in a foreign country? The same goes for that brand new smart phone in your hand. What about your car? If your moral sense of responsibility is so damn high, why aren’t you riding a bike everywhere to save the planet?

I’ll tell you why. Because they don’t have a high sense of moral responsibility- even if they think they do. What they really have is a burning desire for attention. Why else would they eat somewhere that serves primarily meat and then proceed to declare their life choice loud enough for everyone to hear?

If you’re one of these pretentious douches, I have something to say: Get off your not-so-high horse. You want to make that life choice, more power to ya. But here’s a few rules of thumb:

  • Don’t declare it everywhere you go. No one cares and it makes you look like a tool.
  • Don’t try to make me feel guilty about eating it in your presence – You’re going to fail miserably as I devour half a cow out of spite.
  • Maybe stop buying the most trendy and expensive accessories. They’re causing the world leaps and bounds more hurt than me eating a steak.

You don’t see a lion stop in mid pounce onto a gazelle so it can contemplate the moral standing of what it’s about to do. The same should apply to us. It’s an indisputable fact that the human body is built to consume meat. Based on our teeth and digestive properties, we are equipped for it. The sense of moral is what separates us from wild animals. But that sense of moral is meant for more important things; like taking care of our planet and how we treat one another. Don’t belittle it by using it as an excuse to not do something your body was designed to do; and be an attention whore in the process.

Bottom line, if you claim to be a vegetarian because eating meat is wrong; yet you have the newest iPhone, a new pair of Nikes, a gas guzzling car and are pro-abortion – I have but one thing to say to you. Shut the hell up.


– Cameron Blevins

Follow me: @CamOnAir