Txt Sp3ak

As a relatively young adult, and as someone that would regard themselves as perhaps the opposite of a technophobe, I find myself increasingly on the wrong side of a lengthening stick as far as speaking text speak, abbreviations and similar. And I think these words might actually be getting worse.


When I was younger, most of them seemed cool, they were meanings that made sense. These were words where you didn’t know who started it, but they had to be someone that spent the better half of their time in typical 90’s fashion; leaning against a wall somewhere and clicking one hand, whilst pointing the other at you in a gun fashion and wearing a backwards hat.


A lot seemed to be actual abbreviations. Words like “Isn’t it” became “innit”. And, of course, there was the way you said “psyche” after blatantly obvious things and using words that had a negative connotation, like “sick” as something good. And naturally, I was on the forefront of recreational grounds and parks, snapping off phrases left right and center purely because I had no idea that I was, in fact, just a rather geeky child with ears like satellite dishes. I told myself the typical lie we all tell ourselves. “I’m not going to become out of touch like my parents.” How wrong.


But, I also find myself blaming the kids for my being out of touch. A short time after I left education, in debt and with fresh, anew, innocent and frankly completely ridiculous optimism, I took a job to be lead technician of the animals in my old college. Naturally, when I was cleaning and maintaining the animals I was around the students an awful lot. I felt out of touch and the only way I felt confident I was going to become cool again was to take the time and listen to the students – rekindle my basest human impulse to be cool. Suffice it to say, within a few hours I was a hop skip and a jump away from slicing my wrists. I mean, how do we go from “sick” and “psyche” to “bae”?! And why did anyone decide that “babe” was a word that ever needed abbreviation?! It is barely effort at all to type or write that “B”. In fact, why not disregard random letters all over the place? Because it wouldn’t make sense. And yet people have flocked to this word, and multiple others like it like flies to manure. I’m pretty sure it won some kind of award. That’s the extent to which my brain will allow me to comprehend. And that’s not even the worst of it. I’m not kidding.


These words go from strength to strength (Note – that should read something more negative and rude, but we’ll leave it at strength.) with notable additions to the big book of bollocks words being “po-po” for police (Am I spelling that correctly?) and whatever the hell “twerking” is. I think that Darwin must be wrong about sexual selection, and i hope we don’t ever get time travel. Who wants to travel to a time where everyone’s saying “bae”?! I might not be that old yet, and maybe I was right to assume I’m losing my grasp on my youthfulness both physically and in speech, but maybe it’s not all that bad.


– Jack Wichard

Follow Me: @JackWichard