Trump Furthers His Attacks… Animated Heroes Are Not Heroes



On the campaign trail late last week, Donald Trump stated that “I prefer that my animated heroes have superpowers. It is a disgrace to be called a hero, and not to be able to fly, throw fire, or something. If you can’t do anything special, why the hell are you animated?”

The comments capped off a week long campaign trip that included stops in New York, Boston, Metropolis, and Gotham Cities.

When contacted for comment Aquaman responded, “Why are you asking me, I have super powers? Can’t you see that I am half fish for Neptune’s sake! Go ask the two fairies over there in the bat leotards, and their utility belts. Neither of those two have one ounce of superhuman ability and they get all the credit.”

If elected president, Trump plans on having his hair bombarded with gamma rays, in hopes that it will give him powers to draw from. “I don’t want to be Medusa, that ugly pig turned everyone into stone, I can’t make deals with statures, I need live people to do business with. Telepathy would be good, I could see where that would make Celebrity Apprentice a lot more interesting.”

The Republican leadership has been hesitant to endorse Trump’s bid for presidential and super powers. After meetings between party leadership and the heads of Justice League leadership committee, the team feels that Donald Trump is most likely one of the shape shifting lizard people from the planet Maltus. If the representatives from the Justice League are correct in their assumption the presence of a Maltiusian Lizard would create an uncomfortable living situation for the current illuminati lizard people who make up the controlling class for most of the United States government, United Nations, and European Union.

Reince Priebus, chairman of the RNC, blasted the Republican hopeful, “I am not xenophobic, racist, or speciesist. I believe all sentient beings have the right to speak their piece, but you can’t talk to people or animated heroes like that, even if you are a shape shifting, lizard, alien. It is not how we do business around here.”

In related news, during a Senate subcommittee meeting Senator John McCain stated for the record, that “I prefer that my politicians are politically and factually correct”. It was reported that the former prisoner of war now long time senator dropped the congressional microphone and left the room.


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– Brad Johnson