The Simple Minded Jock


Image Credit: Cartoon Network

When on campus, I try to fly under the radar. Most of the time my permanent (lets just say resting “B” face) keeps people from striking up conversations with me, but I’m not always so lucky.

To set the stage here, I am not one to pay attention to sports. In fact, I know nothing about sports- I use nachos as a buffer when forced into sporting situations. That being said, I am not one to notice an athlete on campus, or anywhere.

One morning, I happened to be dressed up, as I was attending an event that evening (business professional). Walking down the steps of the parking garage I am stopped; stopped by an enormous man that thought it would be “clever” to just stand directly in front of me, blocking me, and ignoring my presence. “Excuse me.” I say, as he smirks and turns toward me. He proceeds by asking me if I would like to punch him- yes, that’s right, punch him. Taken aback, I’m at a complete loss for words. When I do not respond he goes on to let me know he plays football and he’s “kind of a big deal.” I reply, in a harsh and cynical tone, “Oh yeah? I would have never guessed”. BIG MISTAKE. Appalled that I was unaware of his awesomeness, he feels the need to tell me his whole life story (ie. more of his awesomeness). And… then he says this number: “Ya know I really got into football because I just like to hit things, and ya know I can’t just go around hitting things”.


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Yes ladies and gentlemen, that happened.

That being said, my takeaway point is as follows. Instead of focusing on your studies, it’s very important to know all the names and faces of football players so we can continue to inflate their egos. Priorities people, priorities. And when all else fails, remember: sometimes you just need to hit things.



– Laura Elizabeth Anderson

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