The Lost Razor

Meet Steve, he is tall, who typically wears jeans that he found at a local thrift shop. Recently dabbled in a few nineties flannels as well since, appearance as of late has not been his main concern. Not that long ago he celebrated his thirty-first birthday, alone in his tiny apartment, with his cat Frumpy. Life has been quiet and peaceful for quite sometime. Nothing interesting happens to him, since he started following a straight arrow routine for himself. He goes to work as an accountant, looking at numbers instead of people, and then goes home. Making himself a variety of frozen dinners that he places in his small old rusted toaster oven, followed by grabbing a nice cold lager. He then tends to settle down on his deformed couch that Frumpy has taken a hold of by ripping it to shreds over the last few years, and puts on the History Channel to catch up on some knowledgeable insights. This has been his life until one day he lost his razor.


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These days it is fairly simple to go out and buy a new fresh blade, to remove fuzz of all types and sorts of areas, however, this razor was a classic. A special gift he once received from a girlfriend he once had and when days were filled with a brighter future for Steve. It was the one item he had left to cherish a memory about the one that got away. The one who will never return, even after his several drunken email attempts, sending her careless updates including cute photos of Frumpy in hopes that would send out an “awwa” response. Steve has heard nothing from his treasured romance he will never forget that lasted for a brief three months and ended over five years ago. Steve didn’t want to buy a new razor, he didn’t want a replacement, the old one was the only one he wanted to hold on to. The only one that knew where to go without cutting him open and spewing out a ghastly amount of blood. It had the perfect touch and it was gone forever. At this frightening realization, solitary has become his official reality

A few weeks pass by and a lengthy amount of stubbled fuzz has grown. Steve walks into the office, keeping to himself as always since, talking to people leads to heartbreaking disappointment. However, on this day, he noticed a few of his colleagues looking at him differently. Even Melody in the HR department looked over with a blushing stare. Steve takes out his phone to see his reflection and notices his beard and stache has grown a lot faster than he thought.


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Not used to the attention, he goes out for the first time in five years and hangs out at a local dive bar. Sitting there with a 20oz lager, he stares at the fizz while stroking his freshly fleshed out beard. A strapping young woman in her early-mid twenties appears next to him, flirtatiously sipping on her vodka cranberry. Steve glances over and notices her while doing a double take not used to having someone recognize him. He nods his head and lifts his hand slightly for a brief hello and carries on with his drink and well, nothing else. The young early-mid twenties chick, senses a challenge is approaching. She tosses her long dark hair around, purposely coughs and “surprisingly” notice her drink has finished. Steve looks over at the now pouty woman and nicely offers to buy her a drink in hopes she would leave him alone. She perks up and says “thank you…” At this point she realized they haven’t exchanged names. She continues, “My name is Ruth, do you have a name that goes along with your adorable face?” Steve startled slightly, looked at Ruth and decided to speak back, “Steve.” Ruth noticed his shyness and enjoyed it however, she decided to order a round of fireball shots.

As the evening progressed after over one hundred bucks worth of booze went down their throats, Steve was able to take a liking into Ruth. Flushed face and all, he moved his body directly towards hers, as he flirtatiously grabbed her hand shortly after the two indulged in a chuckling joke. Their bodies swayed closer towards each other as, the daring Ruth caved into Steve’s fuzzed patch, cutting her lips and chin, and heading directly to his lips as she found a magical way to stick her tongue inside. Steve’s eyes sprang wide open out of complete shock, he pulled her away. At this point the aggressive Ruth pushed herself back in and kissed even further and deeper, until Steve was unable to push back.


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Minutes later Ruth abruptly ended the kiss, she wiped the slobber off of her now rashed face while, Steve indulged in the left over saliva that has dripped into the sea of his sharp and hairy abyss. He briefly looks down at his now bulged pants and back at Ruth and asks, “do you want to go back to my place?” Ruth gently placed her hand over his and cries out, “no.” The baffled Steve, curls away in shyness as, Ruth leaves him with her business card and says, “my cell is on there, feel free to use it.”

The following day, Steve walked into his local pharmacy and purchased a brand new razor of his own. He ran into the bathroom and shaved his homeless looking do until he looked brand new. As he walked out of the bathroom he noticed Frumpy playing with a random piece of paper. He scared Frumpy off to grab this object which happened to be Ruth’s business card. He looked at the card and shortly decided to take out his phone to begin his new romantic journey.



– Zenae D. Zukowski

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz