Sweaty Balls

As the season moves towards the dry and humid air, women praise it as they can wear their sun dresses, being able to show off their recently painted toe nails as well. All seems wonderful in the world, as people walk by in their classy sunglasses, ready to take on what they call summer. This isn’t the case for everyone, especially not Rupert. Rupert is a young adult who recently moved to New York City this past Spring. He was ready to start his new career in Advertising and be part of the hustle and bustle that NYC has to offer. He comes from a very small town in Alaska where it is never drastically hot nor, has he experienced melting in the NYC subway, or inhaling the smell of urine, expired deodorant, or a never showered homeless person. This was not what Rupert had in mind for the Big Apple.


 Image Credit: NY Daily News

As the summer air heated up, the streets of Manhattan where anyone would dare to walk barefoot or yet alone wear pants, Rupert’s alarm clock did not go off in his $2400 high ceiling 450sq ft studio apartment in Murray Hill, with no air-conditioning. Rupert woke up in a sweaty hot panic as he looked at the clock and saw he had ten minutes to get to his 9am meeting about meetings. Rupert jumps out of bed, looks at the pile of dirty-cleanish clothes on the floor, takes a sniff and it appeared to be clean, enough. He throws on his suit pants, long white buttoned shirt, slicks his hair back and runs out the door while forgetting to put on deodorant.

Running outside in office attire with such humidity revealed yellow sweat marks to all who passed Rupert on his late journey to work. The walk was short alone, just a couple of blocks however, an egg could fry out there sitting for five minutes alone. Sweaty Rupert, now impatiently waiting for the six train in the underground sauna, as the roster reads “7 minutes” for the next train. Knowing he’s going to be late, he walks in circles out of nervousness, not being able to stand still. Finally the train comes rolling in and he cannot wait to sit in an air-conditioned seat. Unfortunately, this is New York City and rush hour is the worse time of day to find a seat. Rupert squeezes in the jam packed train, the doors nearly cut his butt off, as he inched closer to the stranger’s armpit.

Not being able to feel this cooled air-conditioned train, Rupert slightly panics as he feels as though a growth is glued to his thigh, realizing his balls were drenched in sweat. There was no time for him to do any sort of powder trick, as they dangled along as though they were part of an underground bat cave. There was nothing he could do, which only made things worse for him as the sweat poured throughout his body.


 Image Credit: imgur.com

Finally the train doors opened to his stop at Astor Place. He rushes off with his painful clammy boys glued to his upper thigh and ignores the throbbing annoyance, continuing to race to the office. At this point the time was 9:30, and knowing very well that he missed this meeting, he rushed into a random public bathroom. Rupert looks at himself in the mirror, his hair was drenched, his semi-clean clothes were now filthy, as his white shirt was a mix between soaking wet and yellow to the grotesque odor coming from both his groin and armpits. He looked at his smartphone and emails the office, “I have to work from home today, have an emergency to take care of.” His boss nonchalantly replied with one mysterious word of “OK.” Rupert didn’t know if that was an approving or disappointing response but, he had no choice. It was required for him to take care of his personal hygiene with the state it was in.

Anxiety flushed into the embarrassed Rupert as he skedaddled home. The only thing that he could think of was taking a nice shower, to get rid of the stench he carried with him from his own odor to the entire city’s. When he entered his home he took out an old alarm clock, in addition to his phone and set multiple alarms throughout his apartment. He put a post it on his bathroom mirror with, “don’t forget to powder both the pits and the bros,” and then he hopped into the long awaited-shower and it was breathtaking!



– Zenae D. Zukowski

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz