Social Media Morons

We’ve all encountered them in our friends list at one point or another. You know who they are; and if you’re one of them, you know who you are. The people, whose social media activity seems to have no intention other than irritating you to no end. Whether they’re friends, family or acquaintances, you can’t help but notice the annoyance that accompanies every post they make. In this column, I want to highlight a few that jump out to me on an almost daily basis and delve into the possibilities as to why they post this vexatious content.

  • Marriage Maniacs – These people post nonstop about, you guessed it, getting married. Whether they just got engaged or they’re newlyweds- they feel the need to constantly remind everyone about it. Everything from posting pictures of the engagement ring with captions of “She/I said yes!” to statuses giving wedding updates or ideas. Why do they do this? Being unmarried and without any prospects or current intention of ever being married, I cannot give a confidently accurate answer. My only guess would be that they think that seeing their joy will bring others joy; which is a great concept. However, after a point you get sick of seeing it and just want to unfollow them. To any of you Marriage Maniacs reading, give it a rest already. We know you’re getting/just got married. We don’t care as much as you think we do.annoying
  • Baby Pic Blasters – This usually comes after they move out of the Marriage Maniac phase. From the moment they find out that they’re pregnant until the kid is about 5 years old, all you see is positive pee tests, baby bumps, baby clothes, and anything else baby related you can think of. While I do agree that babies are cute, I don’t want to see your kid in my feed every single day. Again, being without a child or any intentions of having one, I can’t give a reason why they do this other than to say that they love their child so much that they want to share it with the rest of social media. And that is wonderful in my opinion. BUT- Let’s cut it back to just the major stuff, shall we? First off- Pee tests. That’s disgusting. “Here’s a stick that I peed on! YAYYYYY!!!!” No. Stop it. Secondly, unless you’re about to pop, we really don’t care about baby bumps. Thirdly, let’s keep the baby pics to a minimum and use them for the big stuff. First haircut? Yes. First tooth coming in? Yes. First steps? You bet. Drooling in the playpen? No. Save that stuff for the physical photo album, not the virtual
  • Gaming Goobers – I almost left these guys off the list, then someone sent me a game request and it enraged me enough to include it. These people must have no lives and feel the need to live through the games on Facebook such as Farmville and the likes. You want to play a mediocre game online? Go for it. But keep in mind that I will not watch your farm, I will not give you power ups and I will not be giving you extra lives. Few things can match the annoyance of getting a notification every five minutes asking for help with a game that you don’t play. Just stop it.REQUEST
  • Love me” Lurkers – These people are pretty sad when you think about it. Another common name for these people is “Attention Whores.” They come in many flavors, but the most common are the ones who do these two things. And admittedly, I as well as you, have been guilty of this at times.
    1. They’ll post status updates simply saying something like: “Gonna be home all evening. Message me if you wanna talk.” – basically, they’re begging for someone specific to message them, but doing it in a cryptic manner. Or they really just want someone, anyone to message them.
    2. They fish for compliments by posting pictures of themselves and then caption it with “I’m so ugly,” “such a wreck,” etc… They thrive off the wave of incoming compliments of “you’re beautiful,” or “sexy!” The other form of this is the obviously hot people who post about being single all the time and then the onslaught of opposite sex singles who comment on it.
    This isn’t as annoying as much as it’s just pathetic in social media today. We’ve got to the point where event cryptic status updates can be recognized by the average user for what it is. You’re not fooling anyone, so again, just stop it. Get a real life.fry
  • Religious Nuts – Now I’ll be the first to say that there’s nothing wrong with being religious and having your faiths. Even I, as sinful as I can be, say a prayer before I go to sleep. However, please stop cramming it down my throat. Again, there are two main types with this brand of media moron as well:
    1. The silent prayer requests- These people will post asking everyone to please pray for (insert cause). This is ok and is a nice sentiment. But there are a few no-nos. First, please don’t request for yourself. Even if you really mean it, it just looks like you’re crying for attention. Secondly, don’t post this for every problem that pops up. My family member has cancer, please pray- Yes. My car’s transmission is being looked at today, please pray- No!
    2. The ones who post the pictures- We’ve all seen the pictures. “LIKE IF YOU LOVE GOD,” “Share or you hate Jesus!” Really? Do you really think the Almighty cares if I repost a picture that some nut job made in Paint? Personally, I’d like to think that He has other priorities.
    These people are blatantly trying to guilt you into professing your faith. That’s not how religion is supposed to work.Buddy_christ
  • My Life Is AWESOME” Liars – This group of people is one of the most prevalent. They’re constantly updating to let you know just how happy they are and how amazing their life is going. In reality, this is probably just a lie. Rule of thumb: the more often they post about it, the less awesome it is going. If your life is soooo amazing right now, how/why do you have time to remind us about it so much?dawson
  • Breakup Bandits – The ones who have just recently gotten out of a relationship and won’t let you forget it. Whether they’re “happy” about it and going on and on about how much better off they are or they’re devastated and go on and on about how they’re life is nothing now. These are the people who you wonder how they were in a relationship to begin with. Newsflash: we don’t care.crying

It all boils down to this- Social media has become less social. Originally it was supposed to be a way to connect with other people. Because you know, using the telephone and being publicly social was too difficult. But now social media has become just like every other aspect of society – it’s been engulfed by the “me” mindset. We no longer go online to see what everyone else is up to; we now go online to let everyone else know what we’re up to. Bad thing? Good thing? You decide. I just supply an opinion.


– Cameron Blevins

Follow me: @CamOnAir