SDL Late Night (02/27/2015)


We here at Stuff Dudes Like are always interested in trying new things and taking chances on fresh new writers.

When Dakota Wheatley came to us with the idea of a late night talk show monologue on a website, we jumped at the idea! So without further adieu… Heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Dakota!!!

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 Image Credit: desertlivingtoday.com

Thank you everyone for coming to the SDL theater for my second show.

 

So… The Odd Couple TV show started, yep… way to think out side of 1970’s box CBS.

Bill Cosby was at the Oscars this year, but no one can remember seeing him, its cool… he roofied everyone before the show started.

Comedy Central let me start the roast of Justin Bieber off early, Justin I can predict your future, Justin Bieber on ice…. and I am not talking about a musical.

Like most I watched the Saturday Night Lives 40th anniversary, what the fuck was up with Eddie Murphy… yo, Eddie you need me to write some jokes for ya.

Kim Jong Un got a new haircut, he has a secret just like Bruce Jenner did, he isn’t turning into a girl though… he’s slowly turning into a dyke gummie bear.

I don’t get why people are making a big deal about John Travolta touching that chicks face all weird during the Oscars, shit… he did the same thing to me once when I asked for an autograph.

I hate the Flintstones, when I was little my parents took me to see bedrock on ice, afterwards I went to get Fred’s autograph and he wouldn’t give it to me, yep… he was a real Yabba dabba doouchbag.

At the fair last year I lost an eating contest to a skinny Asian dude, which pissed me off, not for him not being an American… but as a fat man.

I found some weed in my nephews room the other day, so, I did what any responsible adult would do… I sat him down and smoked it all in front of him.

My nephew is half Mexican and half white, he’s a mixican, yep… he can speak Spanish but not understand it.

As a horny fat dude…. I like to whack off to Carl Jr. commercials.

I am poor but a smart poor, I’m the type that if I only have 5 bucks and I need something like toilet paper, I don’t go to a store…. I ask for extra napkins at McDonalds.

I am not a cute guy, the only chicks I can get are the ones I make laugh with my jokes, yep… I don’t get to many chicks.

 

Thanks for coming and please remember to tip your waitress!

 

– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley

FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73