Santamazing! 5 last-minute gifts for the gamer dude in your life.





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You may not want to admit it but Christmas is right around the corner. Black Friday has come and gone, its only a matter of time before the big red guy lands on your roof and squeezes his ample behind down your chimney, eats all your cookies, drinks all your milk and leaves you a combo of argyle socks and tighty whiteys with pictures of Pokemon on them. But some people out there don’t know what to get that Xbox-playing friend or loved one this holiday season, and that’s where your old pal Keith comes in. Here are my top five non-game gifts for gamer dudes in your life!

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5. Pac-Man shot glasses

The original ghost buster has been chomping away at the underworld for more than 20 years. He’s also managed to get married, have a baby, race in Mario Kart Arcade and even star in a cartoon show. But even with all that on his plate he never once stopped smiling. How you ask? Pac-Man brand shot glasses filled with wonderful, delicious, pain-forgetting booze — it’s better than a power pellet! Now when your eating fruit you found on the ground of the maze you’re wandering about, chasing scared blue ghosts back to their lair with threats of eating all but their eyes, you can be be drunk off your ass just like our favorite yellow guy. You might even get yourself a cartoon show, though a guest spot on COPS is more likely.

4. Sega Dreamcast tissue box covers

For some reason, tissue companies have no idea that gamers (or guys in general for that matter) use tissues. Guys without sleeves, anyway. The boxes I find at the store have roses printed on them, or are pink and girlie. It’s embarassing — there’s nothing worse than schooling your friends during Call of Duty deathmatches and being made fun of while they wipe their tears from their faces with tissues from the box that has pictures of puppies wearing police hats on it.

Fret no longer — you can be the envy of the neighborhood, blowing you nose in style with an awesome Dreamcast tissue box cover! The lid opens just like the real system did, revealing tissues instead of a game. Never again do you have to feel like a wimp because you are emotionally attached to the games you love. Now it will be cool to reach for tissues when Nazomi tells Ryo she’s moving away forever, Aeris’ death, or that tear wrenching first time we found out “the princess is in another castle.” There’s no word on plans for black “Sega Sports” branded edition, but my fingers are crossed.

3. Guitar Hero: Air Guitar Rocker

What’s the worst part about playing Guitar Hero? If you said “Having to stop playing Guitar Hero!” then the Guitar Hero: Air Guitar Rocker was made for you. Boardroom meeting? More like “bored” room meeting, am I right? Jump up on the table, rock out to some Bon Jovi and watch those suits loosen up. Forced to go see Letters from Juliet at the local mega-plex with your girlfriend and can’t stay awake for another minute? Get in front of that screen and have your very own air guitar concert in front of 100 screaming girls just like the rock star you really are. Now no matter where you are or what your doing, you can turn out the jams like nobody’s business! Prepare to rock this holiday season like a hurricane!

2. Super Mario Pinata

Most people, at least the people I know, don’t think pinata when they think Christmas gift, but hooking someone up with a Super Mario pinata just might change that. What could be better then spending Christmas morning blindfolded and dizzy with a few friends, beating the crap out of a mustached Italian with a random plank of wood?

Plus, there’s always all that delicious candy. And if the old Garfield Halloween special (the one with the ghost ship) has taught me anything, candy makes anything better. Even Christmas. I smell a new tradition in someone’s life with this present.

1. Shenmue: The Movie

So you have a game that cost more to make than most Hollywood movies, and you released it on a system where its impossible to make even close to your money back because it would take each and every Dreamcast owner buying two copies of the game… so what do you do? Use the in game cinemas and some gameplay footage to make a movie and release it in Japan — completely in English — of course!

Then, take that same, totally English speaking movie and only release it in the US as a pack-in in the Xbox version of Shenmue 2 because you know that most Xbox gamers never owned a Dreamcast and have no idea what Shenmue is to begin with. Then, after Shenmue 2 doesn’t sell, you do the same thing with its in-game cinemas and leave the world with a cliffhanger ending that will never be solved. And people wonder why Sega has fallen so far from grace…


– Keith White Jr.

Follow Me @KeefWhiteJr