Running Shoes

Do you guys remember the movie The Runaway Bride? It is a classic starring Julia Roberts. She is being what every guy desires her to be when she falls in love with them until it is time to get married and she takes off running. I mean they didn’t see she had running shoes on and not heels? Anyway, she ran so much that she became a big time story for a reporter from New York. He even fell in love with her, and he was so charming. He, for sure, thought she wouldn’t run away from him. He was everything she had desired right? Wrong! She couldn’t identify with herself. Even the eggs she liked were all based on what the guy liked. She had no clue who she was in all her mess. Eventually, she discovered herself and was able to get her prince charming back. She had a real wedding and lived happily ever after.


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Now, I definitely didn’t write this article to speak on Julia Roberts, even though, she is pretty awesome, and I will love to meet her one day, but because (where is that emoticon that puts his hand over his face, I need it) Hi, my name is Matasha and I am a runner. Hi, Matasha. Hi, (insert sad face). I am a runner. It is so hard to admit it, but I am in love with a great guy and I feel like it is a burden to love him. I am so use to people running when the going gets tough, I mean, even me, so much so that I am willing to ask, “Are your bags packed yet?” I don’t look for anyone to endure with me. I have learned to be a parent on my own, raising two kids, boy and a girl, and I am just use to being independent. I don’t know how to share me with someone else. I love my own company. I can make myself laugh and entertain myself all day, but what am I suppose to do with another? Being with someone is like learning you all over again through someone else and you are trying to figure out how do you keep this person around. What makes this person want to stay? Is it me who must put for the effort or he? I don’t know, so, since, I don’t know, I put on my running shoes (that I don’t own, more like a pointy toe flat) and run. I run far away, until I’m like woo, that was close. He almost had a chance to love me, not this time, and then I am back in my comfort zone, alone, and not looking, until the madness happens again.

I don’t wish to run from him, though because he is such an amazing guy, but Julia Roberts saw Richard Gere as amazing and she still took off running, no matter what he did to make her stay to show her that he was the one she needed to fall in love with, nothing he did could make her stay until she was ready to love him. (I told myself I wouldn’t cry. Dang it) I am a Gemini, so, do not hold me accountable for my words that I am about to say because I am in my feelings and eating junk food, and tomorrow I might not even feel this way, I may be on cloud nine, until I come down, but I feel like running away like Forest Gump back to my comfort zone, and not having a care in the world about ever walking down the aisle, but I know I can’t. I know I will cry if he leaves. If he tells me tomorrow it is over I probably would be devastated, so, I must learn to endure, and that first starts with, ugh, I don’t want to say it, taking off my running shoes. I have to learn to endure, even if that means blind folding my eyes until I am truly capable of not wanting to take off running. I am capable of being someone’s wife (cringing at the word). I am capable of being in a long lasting relationship. I hope. I think I need to be writing Steve Harvey Morning Show in the strawberry letter than writing this article, but I really felt to write it. Maybe, there are others with the same feelings as me that have desired to just take off running and don’t look back, but really desire a chance at real love. He doesn’t want me to leave. He wants me to stay. He loved me from the moment he laid eyes on me. He wanted me then.

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Where are the blind-folds? I think I am ready? Oh!


– Matasha Lee

TWITTER: @thebeautyofmyst