Licensed Nintendo Products in the 1980’s


It’s that time once again… time to jump into the way back machine and read a story I wrote way back when the internet still came through the phone lines.

Please excuse the inane amount of nonsense I speak. It was a different time…

 

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In the 80’s EVERYTHING got a cartoon… MC Hammer, Gilligan’s Island, Wayne Gretzky, Even Zorro had a cartoon! It was only a matter of time before Nintendo jumped into the world of animation with them. Nintendo existed in every form of entertainment in the 80’s. And Nintendo’s first cartoon was called Captain N the Game Master. It was the story of a kid named Kevin that was sucked in to his Nintendo Entertainment System and now uses his Nintendo zapper gun to fight the forces of video game evil.

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But he wasn’t alone on his adventures… because what fun would that be? He also had his pet dog and some classic Nintendo characters to help out. Kid Icarus, Simon Belmont (From Castlevania), Princess Zelda, and Mega Man were there but I wouldn’t say they actually looked like their video game counterparts… just look at Mega Man in his green costume.

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It’s been a long time since I wanted the show but I do remember that Belmont was a huge wussy and Mega Man talked like he hadn’t gone through puberty yet. Also I seem to remember that the bad guy was a huge face in a giant tank of water and King Hippo from Punch-Out was one of his henchmen. I also remember that Kevin’s gun ran out of juice in every episode. You think he would have bought a new battery for it so that didn’t always happen… But then again, what kind of good TV would that make for? Come to think of it I wanted a Sega Genesis because I was afraid of getting sucked into my NES…

But Nintendo didn’t stop there when it came to infiltrating children’s Saturday mornings!! Oh no… it was far from over. Nintendo also made Nintendo brand cereals.

 

First Nintendo made Donkey Kong: The Cereal. All it was, was Cap’n Crunch made into Donkey Kong shapes. It had Donkey Kong and Mario on the box in a drawing looking very similar to what the game played like. I also remember a Donkey Kong Jr. Cereal at some point but I couldn’t tell you what it tasted like or was just a Nintendo disguised rip off of.

But the Nintendo marketing machine didn’t stop there. There was also the appropriately named Nintendo Cereal System. It was 2 bags in 1 box. Mario on the left and Zelda on the right. They both tasted like Trix but they were different colors for each game. You might even remember the song from the TV commercials. It had a kid eating the cereal while “Nin-ten-do… its a cereal now!! Nin-ten-do… its a cereal WOW!!!” played in the background. For some reason the song was so catchie that I still hum it in my head to this day from time to time! I loved the way Nin, ten and do were sang like 3 separate words. It gave the song such a Nintendorific tone.

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Then there was the always… fun to play Mario pinball game. It was made of plastic and mine lasted all of 2 days before all it did was make noises anymore… but it was pretty cool anyway. It had a picture of Mario and all the classic Mario characters in different actions jumping and moving all around. I would talk more about the way it played but only playing it like 3 times I really don’t remember. But I do remember the Mario Karaoke radio!! It was really just a tape player with a microphone but it was great. I can remember walking around my house singing along to Thriller (When I was a kid it was my favorite song for many many many years) and trying to dance like the king of pop.

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It was either Thriller or my Paula Abdul tape! I was so in love with her when I was a kid. I wanted to marry her when I grew up. I would watch her videos and think about kissing her on the lips (I was a little kid what do you want?). Then everyone said she was getting fat but I didn’t see it. She still looked hot as ever to me… after that she seemed to vanish from the world of music. But then she returned on that stupid ass American Idol show!! That mole on her face was so hot and her smile is just so… oh sorry this doesn’t have much to do with Nintendo does it?

The last great 80’s Nintendo product I’m gonna talk about today before I have to dig out my old Paula tape is the great plastic headed Mario doll from the very late 80’s. Its head was almost bigger than the rest of its whole body and it had a look on its face like it was trying to kiss you. And by the time I got it for Christmas 1989 I wasn’t into Mario anymore because a new Blue Hedgehog with super sonic speed had entered my life and I thought Mario was yesterday’s news.

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I don’t think I even took him out of his box before I sold him at a yard sale I had that summer with all the toys I didn’t want anymore… by the way kids don’t sell the toys you just got for Christmas and hadn’t opened yet for a quarter without permission.

Take my word for it…

 

– Keith White Jr.

Follow Me @KeefWhiteJr