Hillary Wipes IHOP Server…

Funny faces: Hillary Clinton

E-mails Are Gone, So Is The Syrup


Hillary Clinton loses 30,000 top secret e-mails placed in the care of her IHOP server instead of a more secure Applebee’s hostess.

The former Secretary of State has gone on the record saying that, “this is one big mistake, I wanted to go to Denny’s and get the Grand Slam Breakfast, but IHOP was the first place we saw.“

House Republicans are insinuating that the former First Lady wiped the server clean in an attempt to obstruct the House’s investigations. Hillary Clinton insists that the cleanup was strictly a humanitarian effort, “Did you take a look at her? She had syrup and jam all over her face, neck and apron, she needed to be cleaned up; it was the least I could do. I am for the working people.

The Justice Department ordered Clinton to release almost 2,000 e-mails taking up almost 4,000 pages of text, memes, including close to 837 pieces of digital correspondence asking if she was satisfied with the size of her penis, another 714 looking for hot singles in her area, 12 coupons to Bath and Body Works, and 43 bounce backs from messages intended for former president Bill Clinton. Hillary later found out that former president Clinton recently updated to a .porn account. The mistake was promptly fixed, by forwarding the missing messages to Bill Clinton’s Ashley Madison Account.

In late July, a grand jury issued a court order for Clinton’s staff to turn over the IHOP server to the United States Department of Justice, and she is now working as an assistant attorney specializing in ethics violations.

In related news…

Through the investigation our condolences were sent to the Clinton and Rodham families. It was recently discovered that three of her long lost relatives have passed away while holding office in Nigeria. The combined inheritance will total over $15 Million, as soon as she sends her personal financial information so the Nigerian government can deposit the funds.



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– Brad Johnson