The “Ex” Dilemma


The Ex, the crazy one, the one that got away, the one that broke your heart; no matter what you choose to call them, we’ve all got one. And despite our better judgment, we’ve all had that thought at some point or another- “I should ask them out!”

Now I’m sure that for some of you reading this, my coming rule/rant doesn’t apply. After all, for every rule, there’s always an exception. But from my personal experiences, asking out an Ex is never a good idea. It usually ends, and it’s rarely on good terms.

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Recently I found out that an Ex of mine was single. Without going into detail, this person is arguably the only person for whom I’ve ever had true feelings. As soon as I heard the news, my mind leapt to that thought – I should ask her out. But luckily, my better judgment dictates and I know better than to fall prey to that idea. I’ll elaborate more as we go. There are several kinds of “Ex’s,” but here are what I consider to be the most common ones and why you shouldn’t ask them out again:

  • The one who left you – For whatever reason, they left you. They closed that door. Now, I’m not saying punish them for making that decision. Most of us at some point or another do leave someone; its just part of having relationships. But when they made that decision to leave, they became a totally different person than the one you were in love with. And chances are they’ll never be that person again. This is why I don’t ask that person out. We’re both two very different people than we were back then.
  • The one you left – You left for a reason. And if it was bad enough to leave the first go-around, eight times out of ten that reason hasn’t changed. Then if you do ask them out and they say yes, ultimately you’re just reminded of that reason and end up hurting them again. Don’t be that person.
  • The one who cheated – I have a FIRM rule on this. Do not ever date someone who cheated on you in the past. This is a betrayal of trust that is impossible to regain. I know this is the cliché saying, but it’s like a broken mirror: even if you put the pieces back together, you’ll always see the cracks.
  • The mutual breakup – If any of the Ex’s have a chance of making it in a reconciliation relationship, this is the one. You left on decent and mutual terms. However, just because your mind has changed doesn’t mean theirs has. And as with the second type of Ex mentioned above, you ended it for a reason. It may have not changed.

Believe me, I understand that longing feeling to regain what once was. But you have to remember a few key things. Firstly, you don’t miss that person. You miss the memories of being with that person. You miss the good stuff that you think back on. Secondly, because you’re missing the good stuff, you’re not remembering the bad stuff.

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In conclusion, there are 7 billion people in this world. Don’t get hung up on this one person who was a part of your past. I know it can be difficult; even I fall victim to it. The key is will power and positive thinking. An Ex is an Ex for a reason. People have stopped eating at restaurants for less.

 

 

– Cameron Blevins

Follow me: @CamOnAir