Dieting is for Suckers!


Sorry I’ve disappeared for so long. Since my hernia surgery in early December of last year I have put on considerable weight – even for my standards. These past couple of months I have tried to lose this weight in many different ways. Like they always say, it is way too easy to put on ten pounds and damn near impossible to get rid of two pounds. My quest has taken me to the gym, playing roller hockey for the first time in almost two decades, and trying to run around the neighborhood in search of weight loss. About the only thing I accomplished was hurting my body more. I am starting to reconsider getting in shape and just dealing with the horrible sad body I have left while I can still walk and function properly.

I was trying not to sit around the computer, trolling the internet, and adding my comments to different message boards I frequent. I was also trying to cut down on my viewing time on Netflix. It is so addictive watching all those shows I missed over the years, and who can say no to just one more episode? I was still keeping up with the hockey season but not drinking a six pack of beer or more while watching a game. All of this was done with the intention of cutting down inches on my waistline. There are rows of shirts in my closet that no longer fit my protruding belly.

Now I am not quite this bad yet!

really-fat-guy-on-computer

Image Credit: static.rcgroups.net

The gym seemed like the logical first solution. Unfortunately it was right after the New Year and every last person in Buffalo had the same idea to lose weight this year. The wait to get on a treadmill was longer than how long I could last on one before I was huffing and puffing about to have a heart attack. Because of the hernia surgery I thought best not to lift anything quite yet. So was I really committed to the gym, probably not?

However, when I was younger I was always committed to organized sports. Sports always kept me in great shape. It is always easier to get in shape when you have other people working hard alongside you. I already was on a bowling team, but let’s face it, bowling doesn’t quite cut it for a physical sport unless you are at the professional level. My 180 average falls just a little bit short to qualify. Plus I believe while playing a sport you should probably at least sweat. Between the salty foods and the couple of beers I have during bowling, whatever calories I am burning off while rolling a ball down a lane I am putting right back on with the food and beer I am consuming.

fat_ice_hockey_pant_customer

Image Credit: hockeypants.com

A friend of mine started hinting around at work about starting a hockey team. This definitely peaked my interest as I used to play almost every afternoon as a kid after school. We paid to have custom jerseys made and I had to buy all new equipment as mine was all gone over the years. In the first game I twisted my ankle and in the second game I twisted my knee. We lost by a combined score of 38-2 in those two games. Well, at least we were the best dressed hockey team – we just didn’t have the skills to match. Despite the pounding the team has taken, it’s a lot of fun. I haven’t noticed much weight loss though.

Finally, I tried to start running around the neighborhood now that the weather was breaking in snowy Buffalo. The twisted ankle and twisted knee made this difficult but I plunged forward. Still no weight loss. Now I know what you are thinking. I have changed a lot in my lifestyle except my diet. But if I can’t eat what I want to eat, there just is no point in living anymore is there? Of course I jest, but seriously I don’t want to go on a diet. Aren’t there any other solutions? A fat man has to eat!

fat-man-watching-tv

Image Credit: likethedew.com

 

 

– Damian Mikrut

Follow me on Twitter: @nyislanders19