The Chase

A lot of dudes like to chase stuff. Money, drugs, even faberge eggs (I don’t judge).


But my chase is for the kind of stuff dudes LOVE. The thing they have been chasing since they learned how to walk and talk millions of years ago (some of us are still learning lol).


My chase was Anna, a very very cute girl. It happened the minute I saw her make a ham and Swiss sandwich at the A&P. The way she globbed on that mustard I knew she was a keeper! But I was shy and couldn’t bring myself to talk to Anna. I would go down the frozen food section or the cereal isle practicing what cool thing I would say to Anna to sweep her off her feet. Like “Hey Anna have I’ve got a sandwich for you! How about coming over to my house to see it?” Unfortunately a couple of times I didn’t notice that there where people standing behind me in the frozen food section while I talked to a bag of mix vegetables like it was Anna. I just heard a lot of snickering. I even went as far as filling out countess job applications to work with Anna. So many in fact that I saw a manager tear one up as I was leaving the store one day.

Once I came close, I said to Anna “Are those mushrooms you’re selling in the case microscopic?” But just as my comment broke the ice and I prepared to sweep Anna off off her feet (and have free coleslaw from the A&P for life) I noticed that her belly was big and that she was with child. I knew she was single as I had asked just about everyone at the store. I screamed “You trolip! You harlot! You fucking skank!”

Right by the deli counter my love for Anna was gone and to this day I will never look at potato salad from the A&P the same way again…



– Mike Bocchetti

TWITTER: @mikebocchetti

INSTAGRAM: mikebocchetti