Comedy


Hillary Wipes IHOP Server…

Funny faces: Hillary Clinton

E-mails Are Gone, So Is The Syrup

 

Hillary Clinton loses 30,000 top secret e-mails placed in the care of her IHOP server instead of a more secure Applebee’s hostess.

The former Secretary of State has gone on the record saying that, “this is one big mistake, I wanted to go to Denny’s and get the Grand Slam Breakfast, but IHOP was the first place we saw.“

House Republicans are insinuating that the former First Lady wiped the server clean in an attempt to obstruct the House’s investigations. Hillary Clinton insists that the cleanup was strictly a humanitarian effort, “Did you take a look at her? She had syrup and jam all over her face, neck and apron, she needed to be cleaned up; it was the least I could do. I am for the working people.

The Justice Department ordered Clinton to release almost 2,000 e-mails taking up almost 4,000 pages of text, memes, including close to 837 pieces of digital correspondence asking if she was satisfied with the size of her penis, another 714 looking for hot singles in her area, 12 coupons to Bath and Body Works, and 43 bounce backs from messages intended for former president Bill Clinton. Hillary later found out that former president Clinton recently updated to a .porn account. The mistake was promptly fixed, by forwarding the missing messages to Bill Clinton’s Ashley Madison Account.

In late July, a grand jury issued a court order for Clinton’s staff to turn over the IHOP server to the United States Department of Justice, and she is now working as an assistant attorney specializing in ethics violations.

In related news…

Through the investigation our condolences were sent to the Clinton and Rodham families. It was recently discovered that three of her long lost relatives have passed away while holding office in Nigeria. The combined inheritance will total over $15 Million, as soon as she sends her personal financial information so the Nigerian government can deposit the funds.

 

 

If you like this story, or would like to just say hi, you can reach me at:

FACEBOOK: PunkyBrewStars
TWITTER: @punky_brew_stars
UNTAPPD: jorgi40
EMAIL: bradjohnson40@gmail.com

 

 

– Brad Johnson

DudeLine Ep. 19

We here at Stuff Dudes Like are always interested in trying new things and taking chances on fresh new ideas.

When Dakota Wheatley came to us with the idea of a late night talk show monologue on a website, we jumped at the idea! So without further adieu… Heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Dakota!!!

 

 

 

– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley
FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73

DudeLine 20th Episode Spectacular!!

Dakota is back with the ‘DudeLine 20th Episode Spectacular!!’ So sit back, relax and prepare to laugh!

 

Just pretend not to notice that there was no episode 19…

 

 

– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley
FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73

Trump Furthers His Attacks… Animated Heroes Are Not Heroes

donald_trump_president_cartoon

 

On the campaign trail late last week, Donald Trump stated that “I prefer that my animated heroes have superpowers. It is a disgrace to be called a hero, and not to be able to fly, throw fire, or something. If you can’t do anything special, why the hell are you animated?”

The comments capped off a week long campaign trip that included stops in New York, Boston, Metropolis, and Gotham Cities.

When contacted for comment Aquaman responded, “Why are you asking me, I have super powers? Can’t you see that I am half fish for Neptune’s sake! Go ask the two fairies over there in the bat leotards, and their utility belts. Neither of those two have one ounce of superhuman ability and they get all the credit.”

If elected president, Trump plans on having his hair bombarded with gamma rays, in hopes that it will give him powers to draw from. “I don’t want to be Medusa, that ugly pig turned everyone into stone, I can’t make deals with statures, I need live people to do business with. Telepathy would be good, I could see where that would make Celebrity Apprentice a lot more interesting.”

The Republican leadership has been hesitant to endorse Trump’s bid for presidential and super powers. After meetings between party leadership and the heads of Justice League leadership committee, the team feels that Donald Trump is most likely one of the shape shifting lizard people from the planet Maltus. If the representatives from the Justice League are correct in their assumption the presence of a Maltiusian Lizard would create an uncomfortable living situation for the current illuminati lizard people who make up the controlling class for most of the United States government, United Nations, and European Union.

Reince Priebus, chairman of the RNC, blasted the Republican hopeful, “I am not xenophobic, racist, or speciesist. I believe all sentient beings have the right to speak their piece, but you can’t talk to people or animated heroes like that, even if you are a shape shifting, lizard, alien. It is not how we do business around here.”

In related news, during a Senate subcommittee meeting Senator John McCain stated for the record, that “I prefer that my politicians are politically and factually correct”. It was reported that the former prisoner of war now long time senator dropped the congressional microphone and left the room.

 

If you like this story, or would like to just say hi, you can reach me at:

FACEBOOK: PunkyBrewStars

TWITTER: @punky_brew_stars

UNTAPPD: jorgi40

 

 

– Brad Johnson

 

 

DudeLine Ep. 18

We here at Stuff Dudes Like are always interested in trying new things and taking chances on fresh new ideas.

When Dakota Wheatley came to us with the idea of a late night talk show monologue on a website, we jumped at the idea! So without further adieu… Heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Dakota!!!

 


– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley
FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73

DudeLine Ep. 17

We here at Stuff Dudes Like are always interested in trying new things and taking chances on fresh new ideas.

When Dakota Wheatley came to us with the idea of a late night talk show monologue on a website, we jumped at the idea! So without further adieu… Heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Dakota!!!

 

 

 

– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley
FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73

DudeLine Ep. 16

We here at Stuff Dudes Like are always interested in trying new things and taking chances on fresh new ideas.

When Dakota Wheatley came to us with the idea of a late night talk show monologue on a website, we jumped at the idea! So without further adieu… Heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Dakota!!!

 

 

– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley
FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73

 

Sweaty Balls

As the season moves towards the dry and humid air, women praise it as they can wear their sun dresses, being able to show off their recently painted toe nails as well. All seems wonderful in the world, as people walk by in their classy sunglasses, ready to take on what they call summer. This isn’t the case for everyone, especially not Rupert. Rupert is a young adult who recently moved to New York City this past Spring. He was ready to start his new career in Advertising and be part of the hustle and bustle that NYC has to offer. He comes from a very small town in Alaska where it is never drastically hot nor, has he experienced melting in the NYC subway, or inhaling the smell of urine, expired deodorant, or a never showered homeless person. This was not what Rupert had in mind for the Big Apple.

subway

 Image Credit: NY Daily News

As the summer air heated up, the streets of Manhattan where anyone would dare to walk barefoot or yet alone wear pants, Rupert’s alarm clock did not go off in his $2400 high ceiling 450sq ft studio apartment in Murray Hill, with no air-conditioning. Rupert woke up in a sweaty hot panic as he looked at the clock and saw he had ten minutes to get to his 9am meeting about meetings. Rupert jumps out of bed, looks at the pile of dirty-cleanish clothes on the floor, takes a sniff and it appeared to be clean, enough. He throws on his suit pants, long white buttoned shirt, slicks his hair back and runs out the door while forgetting to put on deodorant.

Running outside in office attire with such humidity revealed yellow sweat marks to all who passed Rupert on his late journey to work. The walk was short alone, just a couple of blocks however, an egg could fry out there sitting for five minutes alone. Sweaty Rupert, now impatiently waiting for the six train in the underground sauna, as the roster reads “7 minutes” for the next train. Knowing he’s going to be late, he walks in circles out of nervousness, not being able to stand still. Finally the train comes rolling in and he cannot wait to sit in an air-conditioned seat. Unfortunately, this is New York City and rush hour is the worse time of day to find a seat. Rupert squeezes in the jam packed train, the doors nearly cut his butt off, as he inched closer to the stranger’s armpit.

Not being able to feel this cooled air-conditioned train, Rupert slightly panics as he feels as though a growth is glued to his thigh, realizing his balls were drenched in sweat. There was no time for him to do any sort of powder trick, as they dangled along as though they were part of an underground bat cave. There was nothing he could do, which only made things worse for him as the sweat poured throughout his body.

balls

 Image Credit: imgur.com

Finally the train doors opened to his stop at Astor Place. He rushes off with his painful clammy boys glued to his upper thigh and ignores the throbbing annoyance, continuing to race to the office. At this point the time was 9:30, and knowing very well that he missed this meeting, he rushed into a random public bathroom. Rupert looks at himself in the mirror, his hair was drenched, his semi-clean clothes were now filthy, as his white shirt was a mix between soaking wet and yellow to the grotesque odor coming from both his groin and armpits. He looked at his smartphone and emails the office, “I have to work from home today, have an emergency to take care of.” His boss nonchalantly replied with one mysterious word of “OK.” Rupert didn’t know if that was an approving or disappointing response but, he had no choice. It was required for him to take care of his personal hygiene with the state it was in.

Anxiety flushed into the embarrassed Rupert as he skedaddled home. The only thing that he could think of was taking a nice shower, to get rid of the stench he carried with him from his own odor to the entire city’s. When he entered his home he took out an old alarm clock, in addition to his phone and set multiple alarms throughout his apartment. He put a post it on his bathroom mirror with, “don’t forget to powder both the pits and the bros,” and then he hopped into the long awaited-shower and it was breathtaking!

 

 

– Zenae D. Zukowski

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz
FACEBOOK

 

Dakota Double Dose!

We don’t anyone out there to miss our favorite stand-up (and sometimes sit-down) comedian Dakota Wheatley so here is the new DudeLine and a bonus stand-up routine that Dakota calls “Boobies and Doobies”

 

DudeLine Episode 15:

 

Boobies and Doobies:

 

 

– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley
FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73

Kosher Vibrators

Here comes another SDL animated short our good friend “CW”! This one has to be seen to be believed!!

 

 

– CW

TWITTER: @NitoApp
#BeAnimated with NitoApp: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/nito-3d-avatar-messenger-share/id579232012?mt=8