Breaking News: Being Single Doesn’t Actually Suck!


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With Valentine’s Day, or “Single’s Awareness Day” as it’s now called by many, only a few weeks away, I thought that I’d give a bit of positive reinforcement to all of you who are like I, still single. I’ll admit that I’ve been single for nearly a year and a half now- and it’s by choice. Every year from New Year’s Eve until Valentine’s Day, it seems there’s always a mad rush to find a spouse. People become flat out obsessed and even massively depressed because they’re constantly reminded of spending yet another year alone. I’m here to say that it’s really not that bad to be single. Hell, it can even be healthy. I’ll admit that it did take me quite a long time to learn this lesson, but once I did life began to improve almost instantly. In this article I want to shed some light on the negatives of being in a relationship and debunk some of the excuses people use for going love bonkers.

The Negatives:

When you’re in a relationship or wanting one, you tend to ignore all the negatives. Obviously the one huge positive is sex. But let’s look at some of the negatives and see if the loss of sex is really that bad of a sacrifice.

  1. Loss of social life – It’s no secret that once you start spending time with a significant other, you tend to stop spending as much time with your friends. And in some cases, stop seeing them altogether. Many people say “oh I won’t do that,” but yes you will. It’s like the new toy that you never want to put down. Except this one plays back and it’s a better form of playing than being out with friends.
  2. Money – I once spent $300 on Valentine’s Day. Granted, I was young and foolish, I still did it. If you’re like me and money is usually tight, being in a relationship doesn’t help that any. Depending on where you live and what activities you do, it’s nothing for an average date to cost anywhere from $50- $100 each. Now imagine spending that once a week. This doesn’t include holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, I’m sorry gifts, etc. Invariably, you’re bound to have more money when you’re single.
  3. Stress – Relationships can be stressful. Between arguments and worrying about keeping the other person interested, you could end up with an ulcer. Not to mention the paranoia brought on by the idea of your someone cheating on you.
  4. Freedom in general – I’ve had girlfriends who expected me to be at their house 6 days of the week. One’s who would drive by my place of employment while I was at work just to see if my car was there; trying to catch me in a lie. I’m sorry but I don’t need someone dictating what I do and when I do it. I’m not condoning lying so you can be somewhere else. I’m just saying that relationships can be overbearing and put a strain on what you feel you’re “allowed” to do.
  5. The one you know will end – With this time of the year and the mad dash to find someone, come about May people will start to realize that they rushed into something and then they’re left with the breaking up. I don’t care who you are, that always sucks to a degree.

Those are just five of the things we sometimes give up for a relationship. Now I ask you, is all that truly worth sex? I mean it’s not like you have to be celibate while single. You just may have to work a little harder for that piece of ass.

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Excuses For Wanting A Relationship:

Everyone has that “reason” why they want to be with someone. And you’d be amazed at just how often that excuse is something other than wanting “love” or a “lasting relationship.” Here are some of the most common excuses I’ve encountered and my reasons why they’re completely bullshit.

  1. “I’m not good at being single.” – I hear this one all the time. And it’s complete bullshit. Being single is doing everything you do every single day, minus having that other person. And from this one you get sub branches:
    – I can’t cook.
    – I can’t do laundry.
    – I can’t pay the bills alone.
    – Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…
    It all usually boils down to the same thing- I can’t take care of myself. If this is the case, doesn’t that say something about you? That you should try being single for a while and learn how to actually be an adult?
  2. “I’m happier in a relationship.” – Yet another excuse that’s over used by people who are desperate to not be alone. And it’s not even remotely true. You only think you’re happier. These people spend the entire relationship trying to be what the other person wants them to be. Then when it ends you’re 10x as crushed because you worked so hard to be something you’re not just to keep them and it failed. You’re far better off to stay single a while, figure out who you want to be and how to be happy by yourself, and then finding someone who is happy with the true you.
  3. “It helps me learn what I need to fix about myself.” – Isn’t this something you can do by looking in the mirror? You do not need to cater yourself to another person’s expectations. That’s a horrible reason to be in a relationship. If I’m going to be with someone, they better love me for how and who I am. I don’t want someone who points out my flaws and wants to “fix” me.
  4. I got this next one from thoughtcatalog.com and yes, I’m actually quoting: “You can change your status to “In A Relationship” on Facebook, which is 60% of the reason why you got into the relationship to begin with. Acquaintances who lurk you can see it and know that you’re living a healthy well-adjusted life.” – What part of this says “healthy and well-adjusted”???? Do I really even need to explain on this one?
  5. “I hate being alone.” – So get a pet. Call a friend or your parents (God knows they’d probably love to hear from you more often.) Get out of the house and just be in public in general. All these are ways that you can keep from being completely alone and still not require a relationship. On a side note, I like to be alone every once in a while. It actually motivates me. If I’m home alone I’m significantly more likely to do laundry and wash the dishes. And it gives me time to think up some awesome rants disguised as advice- such as this one.
  6. “All my friends are in relationships!” – Here we go with the peer pressure. Did elementary school teach you nothing about how to “just say no”? If your friends are all in relationships and have abandoned you, perhaps it’s time to work on your issues with being alone. Or perhaps make some new friends. It’s always good to have a few close friends, but I’ve never heard a rule against having too many friends in general.

I’m not saying to avoid a relationship at all costs. And if you’re in a happy, functioning relationship- I’m not saying end it. Relationships can be very healthy, rewarding and amazing. All I’m saying is don’t feel like you have to focus your life and every waking hour on worrying if you’re going to find someone. If you’re unhappy, find out how to be single and happy. After all, how can you make someone else happy when you don’t make yourself happy? Don’t force something that just isn’t there for the sake of not being alone.

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Being single is about YOU. It’s about learning to be happy and what you really want in life and a career. Over the past decade, divorce rates have been at an all-time high. I believe it’s because it’s become a societal norm to rush into a relationship and completely skip over the part of life where we’re supposed to learn about ourselves. Of the 5 couples I’ve known personally to be married before the age of 25, only one hasn’t ended in a divorce. And I believe those four failures are because they rushed without learning about themselves first.

The next time someone rubs it in your face that you’re still alone, or when you feel down because you’re still single- remember those negatives that you don’t have to deal with and realize that this is the perfect time to focus on you.

 

– Cameron Blevins

Follow me: @CamOnAir