Search Results for: Zenae Zukowski

Writing Staff


adamAdam Dulski

I was born and raised in Buffalo New York, but wisely adopted the 49ers as my team at the very smart age of 6. Even though I now live in the Finger Lakes, I maintain my season tickets to the Buffalo Bandits of the National Lacrosse League. Fantasy football and fantasy NASCAR are my two biggest hobbies and I treat them that way. The moment you are not having fun playing fantasy is when you need to stop, because it’s supposed to be fun before anything else.

TWITTER: @adamdulski

damianDamian Mikrut

I never take anything too seriously. I am an avid baseball and hockey fan, but never seem to pick the winners. Worried about the pussification of America and believe we are raising a nation of wimps who believe we owe them something without having to actually earn it. Borderline alcoholic with a huge passion for craft beer and even spend my free time trying to brew the perfect drink myself. I am opinionated on many subjects and I never shy away from sharing my thoughts even if they aren’t part of the popular opinion. I grew up in the shadows of the Hamptons on the island of Long and now live in the birthplace of the chicken wing. I spend six months out the year hibernating from the cold winter weather with my computer while constantly dreaming of warmer days on the beach. Living the working class dream with my wife and two kids, oh and a cat. This is the first time I have put my thoughts to paper, so now you have been warned.

TWITTER: @nyislanders19

cameronCameron Blevins

I’m a 24 year old Radio DJ/Producer in Huntington, Wv. I have the widest musical taste of anyone I’ve ever known. I can go from Sinatra to Slayer, Alan Jackson to Jackson Browne, Steve Miller to Steve Earl and literally everything in between. I fancy myself a modern Gentleman with tastes in fine cigars, aged whiskey, my personal library and my vinyl collection. I also, obviously, love to write. I have short fiction that’s been published in the Blue Monday Review and I write a restaurant review blog at With talents in A/V editing, DJing, Writing and much more- I’m a self proclaimed future Media Mogul. Enjoy my rantings.


hughHugh Hamilton

Hey! My name is Hugh and apart from writing for Stuff Dudes Like, I’m a backpacker, vagabond, and travel blogger at I originally hail from County Down in Northern Ireland. I left home in 2003 and have been traveling off and on ever since. Although I’ve been to many countries, I’m not what you might call a ‘country-counter’: I prefer to take things slow and immerse myself in the local culture. I offer travel tips and advice, but my main focus is telling funny stories and relating experiences. In the finest tradition of Irish storytellers, I may be prone to exaggeration.

TWITTER: @therisingroads

mattMatt Mollett

YO! Everyones favorite werewolf from the heart land here, Matt Mollett AKA the Wolfking. Im 33 years old and I have been writing short stories my whole life, or at least the parts I could lol. I have been a welder for the biggest part of my life. I have a very this is my opinion and i don’t care if you like it attitude. I have a love of underground hip hop, movies, the supernatural,and self defense. Plus many other things that we will talk about later. So for now i bid you farewell.

TWITTER: @therealwolfking

dakotaDakota Wheatley

yo i make people laugh

TWITTER: @dakotawheatley

liseetLiseet Mata

My name is Liseet Mata and I’m from Venezuela. I love writing. I just published my first book and I’m writing the second. I also write daily on my website. The first time I typed a word onto a computer, I experience a feeling of wellbeing. It was as if the puzzle piece that had been missing all my life, had finally been found. Create your own destiny.

TWITTER: @Liseetmata

katKathryn Morris

​I’m Kat, I’m 20 and from the UK. I love writing stories, reading and playing guitar. I have also created a website called The Bailey Helpline, designed to offer support and advice on anything. I’m currently an English Language and Literature student at the Open University and I enjoy writing blog posts that help, educate, or at least comfort others.

TWITTER: @katmorris20

ron2Ron George

My name is Ron George, and I am a lifelong nerd. I grew up with comic books and pretty much anything related to Star Wars. I’m damn proud of my nerdy background, because I feel like it gives me a unique perspective on life and the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a virgin living in my parents’ basement. I love a good, dark beer; a well-aged scotch, and a fine cigar. I’m a hockey fan (Go Pens!). I’m an aspiring novelist and hope to have my first book published by the end of 2015.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter or to check out my blog!

TWITTER: @ronsense64

morganMorgan Alexander Kosinski

When I was in the 4th grade, we were all forced to stand in the front of the class and tell everyone what we did that summer. I got so nervous, I farted half way through my report and started crying. That’s kinda how I feel trying to write this bio…So I’ll just say this. I super promise I know what I’m talking about. #Truth

I’m also the Social Media Director at Patrick Henry Creative Promotions @TEAMPHCP. Follow us on Twitter, FB and Instagram and change your life. Cheers!


2girlsStorm & Lasuzaca

We are Storm & Lasuzaca! We are here on Stuff Dudes Like to share our adventures in travel, music, food, and more. We live in Sarasota, FL and love exploring… from mangrove tunnels and islands off the coast in our kayak, to biking trails and visiting camping sites, to underwater adventures swimming with manatee, and more. We both love soccer and play recreationally on a team most of the year. A few of our favorite teams are USA, Brazil, Barcelona, Spain, Netherlands, and our local favorite the Tampa Bay Rowdies! We love living life to the fullest, taking it one day at a time. We look forward to sharing our adventures with you! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter – @stormnlasuzaca

TWITTER: @stormnlasuzaca

chrisbovaChris Bova

I am a stay at home brew dad by trade. Four kids and a wife leaves little time for a myriad of activities so I chose one that would best fill I the down time. Brewing beer! I’ve been brewing beer for three years now and just recently began writing a blog about the experience. I’m looking forward to sharing my knowledge with the SDL readers.

TWITTER: @cebova

drjDr. James J Frey

Dr. Frey lives in Lutz, Florida with his wife and best friend, Brandie. Their three children have visited more countries than many Americans have visited States, and their open-minded curiosity is the source of great pride and laughter for the Freys. Jim enlisted in the Army National Guard at 17 while still in high school in Fairfax, VA, then went into the Navy where he served four years as an enlisted Aviation Electrician making multiple deployments on several aircraft carriers. At the end of his enlistment he went to college and upon graduation worked for the Japanese Embassy teaching English at a very rural high school in Miyakonojo, Japan. Granted an age waiver, he re-entered the Navy from Japan, attended Officer Candidate School in Pensacola, FL, then went through Fixed- and Rotary-Wing Flight School in Whiting Field (next to Pensacola), followed by MH-60S Knighthawk helicopter training in San Diego, CA. Jim served as a Naval Helicopter Pilot for 12 years. In his spare time, he earned two Master’s Degrees (Philosophy and Psychology) and a PhD in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Jim is the recipient of over 37 personal and unit awards/citations from the U.S. Army, U.S. Air Force, U.S. Navy, U.S. Coast Guard, and United States Marine Corps, including the Bronze Star.

TWITTER: @jamesjfrey

erikErik Steckis

My name is Erik Steckis. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I was born and bred on Long Island, went to college at Bryant University (Go Bulldogs!) and I’m now married, living in CT, working as an Auditor and I just finished my Masters of Science in Accounting from the University of Connecticut (Go Huskies!). I’m a huge sports fan. The teams I support (in no particular order): Yankees, Rangers, Manchester City, New York City FC, Knicks, and those J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! I’m always happy to have a spirited conversation with anyone that agrees or disagrees with those choices. I also love video games and you’ll often find me in my man-cave on my PS4 (my PSN ID is DXFlounder if you want to add me). One of my biggest passions is professional wrestling. I’ve been a fan for 20+ years through the ups, downs and everything in between and I’m excited to tell you all about it. I can also quote The Simpsons and Seinfeld like nobody’s business. I’ll be looking to bring the funny to Stuff Dudes Like, so thanks for stopping by San Diego (but mainly, stay classy).

TWITTER: @ESteckis

trishTrish C.

Hi, I’m Trish. I’m super excited to be writing for Stuff Dudes Like. So a few things about me. I love travel, music, and writing and incorporate all three in my concert blog, I especially like taking really short trips to far away places. I’m from Canada so I like hockey and beer and being polite but I now live in Northern California so I also like wine and saying “rad.” And trees… totally love trees.

TWITTER: @imtrishpie

MatashaMatasha Lee

Hi, my name is Matasha. I was born on the dusty road of 34 at the local hospital in Terrell, Tx. Many emerging artists and dreamers have grown from this very land, most famous is Jamie Foxx. My desire through writing, fashion, and music is to chase my dream just like he did and go off to developing a new name for myself, but right now I am a struggling writer who just received a job since 2010 by the grace of God. I love writing and it is one of my passions. I have two rooting fans that will stay in my audience if I ever get booed off the stage of life, my son and daughter, Amelia and Sean. They are Mommy’s heart beat. I have a blog that is growing from the soils of the earth like my story: The Beauty of my story. I have a ton of content on my blog that will help the fellow reader to walk a mile in my shoes while learning their own shoe size. I am a daughter, a sister, older and younger, an auntie, girlfriend but most of all, myself. Follow my story Make sure you share my articles. Thank you!

TWITTER: @thebeautyofmyst

fabianFabian Malone

Hi my name is Fabian Malone. I’m from the Washington DC area. Iam a cocktail craftsman, Bar consultant & Magicians apprentice! I believe that the cocktails we drink should be made with quality spirits and the freshest ingredients. I don’t believe in artificially flavored spirits. I pay homage to classic craft cocktails as well as creating new cocktails for today. Craft cocktails taste best when made with passion and excitement. But above all else — a craft cocktail must be fun to drink! Capital’s, Celtic’s, Redskins, Oriole’s, & Nat’s DC United. #RoninBartender

TWITTER: @RoninBartender

ZenaeZenae Zukowski

Fellow dudes and dudettes, I am Zenae Zukowski and I wear many glorious hats. Not only do I write for Stuffdudeslike, but music has consumed me and I write for Crypticrock and I’m building my own Music Publication. You should call me a creative being and know that I love to passionately get my hands dirty with writing screenplays, articles, stories, and poetry. I have been in the Broadcast/Media industry for ten years now, specializing in Post Production and Distribution. The journey doesn’t stop there, I also do photo retouching, event photography and Project Management. Phew! Why wonder I am tired! My earthly self loves animals, traveling, and you’re favorite, vegetarianism. If you like my humor and quirky mind, feel free to follow me on Twitter or like me on Facebook.

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz

peterPeter Greenwood

Peter Greenwood is a writer and broadcaster from Scotland, with an unnaturally unhealthy obsession with US late night TV. He likes comics, video games and various other things of which he can talk about at length. Whether you want him to or not.

TWITTER: @Gappits

coupeJoe “Coupe” Ricupero

Hi, my name is Joe Ricupero but I go by Coupe. I’m a 17 year old junior in High School. I grew up in Brooklyn until recently moving to Long Island. I’m an avid sports fan and a fan of the New York Rangers, New York Giants, Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Yankees. I aspire to one day be a broadcaster, a dream of mine since I was a kid and this is the first step of many in my road to something big.


anthonyAnthony Pepe

Anthony F. Pepe is a poet, a painter, a power-lifting music producer, pugilist, playwright, part time philosopher, book-binder, baker, bodyguard web-builder. A spoken-word soothsaying security expert, sketch artist, sculptor. A domestic violence awareness activist and a mixologist, martial artist mechanic.

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe

jrJuan Reyes

I am a US Army Veteran, part-time graphic designer, part-time photographer. My journey into the world of photography began as a graphic designer and photo retoucher/enhancer many years ago in Puerto Rico. I did graphic design for photographers for almost twenty years and worked hand to hand with many model agencies and hired and/or freelance photographers. Now I own a small home photo studio in Clermont, Florida. My main goal is to help talented aspiring models get their names out. Why am I here on Stuff Dudes Like? To bring you photos of models and interviews about who they are, where they’ve been, and their dreams and plans for the future. You know: Stuff Dudes Like!!!

TWITTER: @jrrcphotography

jennyJenny Ainslie-Turner

Undoubtedly, a sex chat girl of too many years and yet, I still can’t get enough of it. It is so diverse and at the same time so entertaining I never tire of it. I have even written a book on my life as a sex chat girl, ‘How to Talk Dirty – A Hands on Guide to Phone Sex’. I have been training girls in the art of talking dirty for the past 3 years and have even starred in my own TV documentary, ‘My Phone Sex Secrets’.
Since which, I have been interviewed on a popular daytime TV show, done several Radio interviews and at one time had a regular guest spot on Fubar radio. An uncensored, internet station on which the first week I talked about buggering the male presenter.

I have done countless magazine interviews including, Mayfair and Escort’s men’s mags. I have even been part of a relationship advice panel for a large UK newspaper. Also, have written articles for Rude Magazine, a female based online mag.

I have since written a second book, a fiction novel about auto-erotic asphyxiation and based around the life of a sex chat girl who is taken over by the alter ego she created to take the more bizarre and depraved sex chat. Entitled, Will You be My Fantasy? Some say it should have been called, ‘Death by Pussy!’ Well, it’s what you guys crave the most.

I have been married twice, worn them out. Now single, free and able to just explore. And, because of this I have started a new adventure. It’s taking recorded stories into the 21st century, phone sex downloads. I call them iwanks, a bit like itunes only much dirtier. You can download a very naughty sex chat, recorded by me on to your mobile and use me whenever those spunk filled balls need emptying!

TWITTER: @iwank4u2

TOMTom Romero

Tom Romero is an actor, musician, reluctant producer, long suffering husband, and occasional storm chaser. He’s acted with Dennis Quaid, opened for Pine Top Perkins, and has witnessed over 30 tornadoes. He dreams of free beer, desert islands, and a broadway show. He writes for no audience at The Uncommon Man blog.

TWITTER: @TomRomero2

naiaQuincy Bailey

A 40 year old father of one just trying to guide my little man down a better and less bumpy path than his old man. I consider myself a college football know it all. I’m the equivalent of a hipster football fan. “My favorite player, you’ve never heard of him”. Grew up on a farm and was able to subsidize my education through football and yes the college I played at you’ve never heard of. I wasn’t what you would call a Division One talent. Actually played for Rich Rodriquez for a short period of time in the spread before it had a name. Grew up in West Virginia and Ohio, yet remain an avid fan and supporter of WVU.

Money Quote:
“When you tell somebody somethin’, it depends on what part of the country you’re standin’ in… as to just how dumb you are.” – Bo Darville – AKA The Bandit

TWITTER: @southwvboy

brettBrett Martzke

Brett Martzke is a TV sports veteran. Over the past 20 years he has worked at the Golf Channel, CNN Sports, Fox Sports Net, TVG and NBC Sports. You name the sports event, he has covered it. As an avid sports lover he was even crazy enough to follow a lifelong dream and open up a Sports Bar. Once that dream started to turn into a nightmare, Brett realized writing about and covering sports events was better than working in a kitchen, taking orders at a register and hoping to catch a glance at a TV while running Buffalo wings out to a table. Brett’s big sports achievement is that he is the self-proclaimed carnival basketball shooting champion. If there is a big stuffed animal on the line, Brett will win it.

TWITTER: @brettmartzke

ericpEric Peinhaupt

My name is Eric Peinhaupt, I’m 23 and raised in Alberta,Canada at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. I do everything from fly fishing to building cars. I’m all about getting out there and experiencing life! Aspiring writer and BBQ pit master. I’m also the owner of European Auto Union, a car enthusiast page on Instagram. (@europeanautounion) I love a tall glass of craft beer, and all things BBQ. If you’re into cooking, drinking and outdoor life, my articles and photographs will not disappoint!

TWITTER: @ericpeinhaupt

ajA.J. DeMello

A.J. DeMello is a stand-up comedian/actor located in California. An avid sports fan, he’s written for sites such as Bleacher Report & Thoughts From The Dark Side, but will be given the freedom here to mix in the funny – no matter how unflattering he may seem to the average dummy. Born & raised in the Bay Area, he doesn’t pull any punches; having developed a sense of humor one might describe as, ‘edgy’. He appears regularly at comedy clubs such as Tommy T’s, Laughs Unlimited, and The World Famous Comedy Store. Peep his blog for upcoming show dates and see if he’ll soon be in your town. If you keep up with his articles, you’ll eventually want to see his act in person rather than not see him at all. Why? As he puts it: “It’s a Good Game of Ball.”

TWITTER: @humorousfiend

jeffhJeff Hillyard

Jeff Hillyard is an aspiring freelance blogger, content writer, and recipe developer specializing in all things BBQ and Grilling.
From true low and slow barbecue, to hot and fast grilling, to even healthy meals there is nothing Jeff does not like to cook on the grill.

TWITTER: @bbqwithjeff

SantanuSantanu Rahman

Santanu Rahman is a Metal guitarist, A Kung-Fu School Owner, a practitioner of Gracie Jiu Jitsu, and a podcaster.

TWITTER: @austinkungfu

timTim Buckley

Hi everyone I’m Tim Buckley, born and bred near to Nottingham in the UK. Currently serving in the Forces and have many deployments under my belt. I love sport and I’m a huge Liverpool FC fan, boxing, UFC, Basketball and any kind of lifting are my passions. My other hobbies are socializing, eating out, travelling and cooking. Writing for Stuff Dudes Like is going to be a good laugh indeed, I will say it how I see it! Looking forward to writing many articles.


martinMartin Phillips

Hey Dudes! I am Martin Phillips. I am a sixth grade teacher by day in Lodi, California, the Zinfandel capital of the world, and a kickass home cook by night. Okay, I am inside my own mind, at least. You can decide for yourself, however, and check out my food blog at and watch for my recipes HERE at! I have been a sixth grade teacher for fifteen years, so Nothing scares me! I have been a home cook for twelve years and have entered the small in-home catering market this last year. It has been an amazing ride and I cannot wait to share my recipes with you. I am a firm believer that bacon, pork belly, tacos, pizza, pasta and burgers should be food groups. BBQ is Heaven. Need I say more? Okay fine, I am good with the veggies, too! I cook a wide variety of dishes, from Asian Infusion to traditional carne asada and carnitas, to buffalo burgers, to elegant pastas and rustic pizzas. Look me up and give me a shout!

TWITTER: @grnmn1

fernandoFernando Martin

I have been born and raised in the Chicago area all my life. Music is the biggest passion in my life aside from beer, good eateries, movies and even settling down to indulge in a great read once in a while. I also write for the music review website, WeLoveMetal, where I review albums, concerts and conduct interviews with many musicians. Those who know me well know if you want to hit my softspot, you’ll mention animals and pets. I’m also currently going to school for music business hoping to work for the music industry one day soon. I look forward to interacting with the SDL staff and our fans! Hit me up!

TWITTER: @WeLoveMetalFern

nancyNancy Brown Lady Barber

I was born in Berkeley, California before the Summer of Love. When it came I was old enough to know that I lived in a very special place in a very special time. Dang that I was not old enough to attend any of the cool stuff.

We are native Californians for three generations on my mother’s side of the family. Before that, Norway. Dad’s people were Oakies who fled the dust bowl in the ‘30s and ended up in Solano County.

For nearly 20 years I was a law librarian for private law firms in Oakland, California. Quit that in 2006 for the much groovier trade of barbering. Nowadays I groom gentlemen for a living and paint (in oil) Oakland, its people and trees. I also garden and cat whisper when necessary.

TWITTER: @LadyBarberBrown

RomaineRomaine Ayoki Burrell

Romaine Ayoki Burrell is my name. I am student of the world. I am from St. Andrew, Jamaica. Waaah Gwaaan massive? (what’s up world/people?). I love to travel and live like a local. I am a food addict. My biggest goal apart from owning my fortune 500 company(yeah I am ambitious) is to see every country in the world two times over. I write on anything I please, even if its taboo. Looking forward to writing for you all.

TWITTER: @ayokiromaine

brianBrian Kaider

As a patent and trademark attorney, I get to work with a lot of interesting start-up companies and see fascinating new products. Whenever possible, I love to combine my work with the things that I’m passionate about, like craft beer, motorcycles, lacrosse, and woodworking. But, after a day of staring at a computer or talking on the phone, I need to work with my hands. So, you’ll often find me building something in my workshop, making pens, changing the exhaust on my Suzuki Boulevard M109R, growing hops to make my own beer, or cooking up something spicy in the kitchen and never from a recipe. At the end of the day, I’ll grab a nice porter and watch pro football or college lacrosse, where I’m rooting for the Baltimore Ravens or Towson Tigers (or whoever is playing against Johns Hopkins), respectively.

TWITTER: @bkaider


The Lost Razor

Meet Steve, he is tall, who typically wears jeans that he found at a local thrift shop. Recently dabbled in a few nineties flannels as well since, appearance as of late has not been his main concern. Not that long ago he celebrated his thirty-first birthday, alone in his tiny apartment, with his cat Frumpy. Life has been quiet and peaceful for quite sometime. Nothing interesting happens to him, since he started following a straight arrow routine for himself. He goes to work as an accountant, looking at numbers instead of people, and then goes home. Making himself a variety of frozen dinners that he places in his small old rusted toaster oven, followed by grabbing a nice cold lager. He then tends to settle down on his deformed couch that Frumpy has taken a hold of by ripping it to shreds over the last few years, and puts on the History Channel to catch up on some knowledgeable insights. This has been his life until one day he lost his razor.


 Image Credit:

These days it is fairly simple to go out and buy a new fresh blade, to remove fuzz of all types and sorts of areas, however, this razor was a classic. A special gift he once received from a girlfriend he once had and when days were filled with a brighter future for Steve. It was the one item he had left to cherish a memory about the one that got away. The one who will never return, even after his several drunken email attempts, sending her careless updates including cute photos of Frumpy in hopes that would send out an “awwa” response. Steve has heard nothing from his treasured romance he will never forget that lasted for a brief three months and ended over five years ago. Steve didn’t want to buy a new razor, he didn’t want a replacement, the old one was the only one he wanted to hold on to. The only one that knew where to go without cutting him open and spewing out a ghastly amount of blood. It had the perfect touch and it was gone forever. At this frightening realization, solitary has become his official reality

A few weeks pass by and a lengthy amount of stubbled fuzz has grown. Steve walks into the office, keeping to himself as always since, talking to people leads to heartbreaking disappointment. However, on this day, he noticed a few of his colleagues looking at him differently. Even Melody in the HR department looked over with a blushing stare. Steve takes out his phone to see his reflection and notices his beard and stache has grown a lot faster than he thought.


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Not used to the attention, he goes out for the first time in five years and hangs out at a local dive bar. Sitting there with a 20oz lager, he stares at the fizz while stroking his freshly fleshed out beard. A strapping young woman in her early-mid twenties appears next to him, flirtatiously sipping on her vodka cranberry. Steve glances over and notices her while doing a double take not used to having someone recognize him. He nods his head and lifts his hand slightly for a brief hello and carries on with his drink and well, nothing else. The young early-mid twenties chick, senses a challenge is approaching. She tosses her long dark hair around, purposely coughs and “surprisingly” notice her drink has finished. Steve looks over at the now pouty woman and nicely offers to buy her a drink in hopes she would leave him alone. She perks up and says “thank you…” At this point she realized they haven’t exchanged names. She continues, “My name is Ruth, do you have a name that goes along with your adorable face?” Steve startled slightly, looked at Ruth and decided to speak back, “Steve.” Ruth noticed his shyness and enjoyed it however, she decided to order a round of fireball shots.

As the evening progressed after over one hundred bucks worth of booze went down their throats, Steve was able to take a liking into Ruth. Flushed face and all, he moved his body directly towards hers, as he flirtatiously grabbed her hand shortly after the two indulged in a chuckling joke. Their bodies swayed closer towards each other as, the daring Ruth caved into Steve’s fuzzed patch, cutting her lips and chin, and heading directly to his lips as she found a magical way to stick her tongue inside. Steve’s eyes sprang wide open out of complete shock, he pulled her away. At this point the aggressive Ruth pushed herself back in and kissed even further and deeper, until Steve was unable to push back.


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Minutes later Ruth abruptly ended the kiss, she wiped the slobber off of her now rashed face while, Steve indulged in the left over saliva that has dripped into the sea of his sharp and hairy abyss. He briefly looks down at his now bulged pants and back at Ruth and asks, “do you want to go back to my place?” Ruth gently placed her hand over his and cries out, “no.” The baffled Steve, curls away in shyness as, Ruth leaves him with her business card and says, “my cell is on there, feel free to use it.”

The following day, Steve walked into his local pharmacy and purchased a brand new razor of his own. He ran into the bathroom and shaved his homeless looking do until he looked brand new. As he walked out of the bathroom he noticed Frumpy playing with a random piece of paper. He scared Frumpy off to grab this object which happened to be Ruth’s business card. He looked at the card and shortly decided to take out his phone to begin his new romantic journey.



– Zenae D. Zukowski

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz

Sweaty Balls

As the season moves towards the dry and humid air, women praise it as they can wear their sun dresses, being able to show off their recently painted toe nails as well. All seems wonderful in the world, as people walk by in their classy sunglasses, ready to take on what they call summer. This isn’t the case for everyone, especially not Rupert. Rupert is a young adult who recently moved to New York City this past Spring. He was ready to start his new career in Advertising and be part of the hustle and bustle that NYC has to offer. He comes from a very small town in Alaska where it is never drastically hot nor, has he experienced melting in the NYC subway, or inhaling the smell of urine, expired deodorant, or a never showered homeless person. This was not what Rupert had in mind for the Big Apple.


 Image Credit: NY Daily News

As the summer air heated up, the streets of Manhattan where anyone would dare to walk barefoot or yet alone wear pants, Rupert’s alarm clock did not go off in his $2400 high ceiling 450sq ft studio apartment in Murray Hill, with no air-conditioning. Rupert woke up in a sweaty hot panic as he looked at the clock and saw he had ten minutes to get to his 9am meeting about meetings. Rupert jumps out of bed, looks at the pile of dirty-cleanish clothes on the floor, takes a sniff and it appeared to be clean, enough. He throws on his suit pants, long white buttoned shirt, slicks his hair back and runs out the door while forgetting to put on deodorant.

Running outside in office attire with such humidity revealed yellow sweat marks to all who passed Rupert on his late journey to work. The walk was short alone, just a couple of blocks however, an egg could fry out there sitting for five minutes alone. Sweaty Rupert, now impatiently waiting for the six train in the underground sauna, as the roster reads “7 minutes” for the next train. Knowing he’s going to be late, he walks in circles out of nervousness, not being able to stand still. Finally the train comes rolling in and he cannot wait to sit in an air-conditioned seat. Unfortunately, this is New York City and rush hour is the worse time of day to find a seat. Rupert squeezes in the jam packed train, the doors nearly cut his butt off, as he inched closer to the stranger’s armpit.

Not being able to feel this cooled air-conditioned train, Rupert slightly panics as he feels as though a growth is glued to his thigh, realizing his balls were drenched in sweat. There was no time for him to do any sort of powder trick, as they dangled along as though they were part of an underground bat cave. There was nothing he could do, which only made things worse for him as the sweat poured throughout his body.


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Finally the train doors opened to his stop at Astor Place. He rushes off with his painful clammy boys glued to his upper thigh and ignores the throbbing annoyance, continuing to race to the office. At this point the time was 9:30, and knowing very well that he missed this meeting, he rushed into a random public bathroom. Rupert looks at himself in the mirror, his hair was drenched, his semi-clean clothes were now filthy, as his white shirt was a mix between soaking wet and yellow to the grotesque odor coming from both his groin and armpits. He looked at his smartphone and emails the office, “I have to work from home today, have an emergency to take care of.” His boss nonchalantly replied with one mysterious word of “OK.” Rupert didn’t know if that was an approving or disappointing response but, he had no choice. It was required for him to take care of his personal hygiene with the state it was in.

Anxiety flushed into the embarrassed Rupert as he skedaddled home. The only thing that he could think of was taking a nice shower, to get rid of the stench he carried with him from his own odor to the entire city’s. When he entered his home he took out an old alarm clock, in addition to his phone and set multiple alarms throughout his apartment. He put a post it on his bathroom mirror with, “don’t forget to powder both the pits and the bros,” and then he hopped into the long awaited-shower and it was breathtaking!



– Zenae D. Zukowski

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz


MAY 2015


MAY 2015

The Tattooless Man

The man with a plan thinking ink will do the trick; chicks love those rebellions. Imagine laying on the beach, spread out with a tribal tattoo across one’s chest, or perhaps a nice “I love mom,” to show off his biceps. There’s also those fish loving gems, swimming over his triceps. Whichever it may be, this Tattooless Man is probably thinking, ink would help him get laid. He’s heard it all the time from the women in his life such as his mother, sister and hot friend who, treats him like one of the ladies about how sexy it is.


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Building this up in his head and taking it to extreme measures, where he posts on his facebook and asks his six hundred “friends” what he should get. The responses he received were filled with superfluous ideas, ranging between female legs with his pits used as a hoo-ha to the Incredible Hulk slapped on his buttcheeks. One of his closer friends nearly convinced him to get that hot glistening Vampire from the Twilight series to go on his pelvis since, “chicks love sparkling Goths!”

Now this Tattooless Man has a few ideas rolling through his mind, the choices are endless for him. He takes a stroll through the park with his little Black Poodle, in hopes he would get lucky since, chicks dig small cute puppies as well. Unfortunately, he could not escape the luxurious ink that laid upon these taken men, which made him furious. This Tattooless Man scuttled home, dropped off his pup and ran to the nearest bar to give himself a good old fashioned pity party.

Ahh, the Pub, which is his home away from home. The Tattooless Man orders from the Bartender, who of course happens to be incredibly attractive and has a full sleeve tattoo on her left arm. She smiles at him and says “well it’s noon somewhere.” The Tattooless Man looks at his phone, seeing it is only eleven o’clock, he then calls out to the Bartender “I’ll have a double.” She winks at him and fixes his usual, a Whiskey Sour.


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One hour passes by along with four double Whiskey Sours, the Tattooless Man closes out his tab and yells out, “I’m gonna do it!” The Bartender gives him a high five and says, “you only live once.” He looks at her, nods in amazement, as though he figured out the cure for herpes and says, “Thank you! All we have is, NOW!” The Tattooless Man stumbles out of the bar.

It is around twelve thirty which is the usual time when the locals gather together in unison, heading towards their favorite lunch spot. The Tattooless Man looks at every single one of them, as his head tilts higher in egotistical confidence. He’s feeling like a celebrity, poised as ever as he walks towards the Tattoo Shoppe.

Inside the Tattoo parlor there is one Dude picking out a movie to play on the small flat screen TV, and a young Pink Haired Chick in the back vaping while playing solitaire. The Tattooless Man walks in and says, “I’m ready!” The Dude and Pink Haired Chick look up at him, giving him a frightening stare. The Tattooless Man is very lucky that if it wasn’t for those Whiskey Sours, he would have ran away at this point. He continues to speak, “Give me INK!” The Dude looks at him, “What are you looking for?” The Tattooless Man slurring, replies with, “What…Everrrr will help me get some psss….ayyy” The Pink Haired Chick rolls her eyes and escapes out the back door. The Dude gathers his composure and continues, “Here’s a book of our designs.” The Tattooless Man closes the book, “I don’t need a book…I need the ink slapped on right here,” pointing to his back. The Dude looks around the empty parlor, looks at him, rolls his eyes and says, “OK, have a seat.”

Six hours later, the Tattooless Man is greeted by his Black Poodle while painfully walking into his apartment. He goes to his fridge, grabs a beer and heads to the sofa. He slowly sits down, pops open his beer and takes a deep breath. The Tattooless Man takes off his shirt revealing his hard dicktat.


– Zenae D. Zukowski

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz