Search Results for: Dr. James J Frey


Barstool Therapy with Dr. Frey: Six ways to make sure she calls you back (and the etc)

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Image Credit: postgradproblems.com

OK, look. You’ve got it covered, I get that. I’m not saying your game is weak, we’re just talking here – this ain’t Cosmo. Still, I don’t have to know your game to comment on it – and hey, it needs work. Coaching and leadership aren’t about being the best player; they are about making each player their best. See also: 5’8” white guys as NBA coaches. So listen up, this is for you.

See, whether you’re Kobe Bryant or Danny Devito, you still have to get out there on the court and take some shots. Here’s some pointers from your personal psychologist on the barstool that will improve your ratio.

Heady phrase alert: Anthropological psychology tells us we need relationships to survive at all. Organizational psychology explains that relationships are vital to career survival. StuffDudesLike psychology reveals that, unless you’re in Thailand on a bender, you’ll need some form of relationship to keep the game moving forward in your favor. That means not only talking to her, but her enjoying it enough to want to talk more.

First of all, I hope your game isn’t at the 7th grade sadie-hawkins dance level. I hope it isn’t you go to the bar and gawk at random women from across the room and hope they have more courage than you, and therefore come over to you and start something. No game. As the night moves on, and the alcohol lubricates your courage to the point of peeing every 20 minutes, then your game then becomes to find the most desperate woman and convince her you’re doing her a favor. If that’s you, this article isn’t going to help.

The guy who’ll benefit from this has gotten burned a couple times, but still plays with fire. That guy knows, and hopefully you do too, that whether your game is Australian Rules Football or Candy Crush, practice makes perfect. Here’s the practice play book. Prep yourself.

But your body can get in the way, so let’s start there…

1. You want instant abs and shoulders? You want a customized diet plan that is guaranteed to make you taller and more attract without insulting your refrigerator’s compassion for Chinese take-out and various ingredients that won’t cooperate themselves into a decent meal? It’s called Posture. Stand up straight you ninny. Plank, smile, chin down, blade your body, hands out of lint- and mint wrapper-filled pockets, eyebrows up (two eyebrows, not one fluffy eyebrow; pluck that thing), look at her, don’t scan the room (that was before), and watch the non-verbals (yours and hers). Hands above the waste Shogun, you’re not trying to surprise anyone. If you’re tall, back up so she doesn’t have to crane. Don’t cast a metaphorical shadow on the conversation (short and tall alike can do this btw). Barstool psychology corner: Smiling is proven to engender trust more than biceps and bragging about your Ford Mustang. Saying you should “blade” doesn’t evoke slaying vampires; blading means standing at an angle – a full-frontal is offensive to a predominance of cultures, so avoid it (until later at home). If this doesn’t make sense, think of it as standing with two people as if there were three (sorta). She’s probably with someone right? Don’t exclude that person – if it’s him, definitely don’t excuse him. Blade that crowd. That’s her trusted agent, someone she trusts to fend off the losers. But not you, unless you try and show him up (gay or straight, there is no benefit to trying to take this guy on in an ego fight). Every prize fighter has a cut-man in their corner. Her friend is, boy or girl, the Cut-Man. They are the single largest source of feedback she is going to get when you walk away or the bell rings (bathroom breaks, etc). Get it? If not, you swung too soon. Stand there open. Open chest, open arms, open stance (toes in ‘V’), open eyes, open mind. Crudely put, but you’ll remember it better than way, if you want to open her blouse, you better start by opening your posture and mind.

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Image Credit: film.com

2. Have a plan before you move in. Observe her from a far (and not in creepy behind the fern sort of way); figure out what you’re going to say, about what, how you’re going to stand, and your entrance and exit strategy? I won’t leave you hanging; we’ll talk about all that in second.

3. The approach: set a (even if fake) time limit. Think about it, if someone sits next you in a bar and says, “Wanna talk?” your guard goes up and the conversation is off to a 2-3 words per sentence start. You’re playing from the rough before the drive.
“Sup?”
“Sup…”
“It sure is crowded in here…”
“Ya.”
Great job Sporto, you’re making friends and influencing people (not).

So Tee it up before you swing. Everyone’s stance is different, but a good swing is a good swing.
Barstool psychology corner: If you tell someone that you only have a minute, they will psychologically open up to get the information flow going faster to meet the social contract of not making you late (yes, even if they’ve never met you before). If you go over the limit, it moves them up (in their mind) in priority.

So open with, and don’t exclude her friend, “Hi, I’m waiting on my friend, but I wanted to take a quick minute to (etc)…” It’ll drop her guard from fend-off-the-loser-at-the-bar thoughts. It’ll crack the ice with a sledge-o-matic since you’re no threat to her loosely formed plans of taking too many tequila shots with the girls from work… You’re new, smiling, standing up straight, leaning forward a tad, short-term, enthusiastic, and you aren’t asking her to stop her evening to talk to you.

Now, compliment her, then shut up and lean a little forward, eyes open(er) and expectant, just a tad, to indicate “your turn” to talk (the dress, hair, earrings, shoes, purse, her friend’s tiara, whatever she is showing off, you noticed it, you wanted to say something about it)… If you can’t tell what she is showing off, you swung too soon. Watch her first (touching her hair more than 4 times a minute, that’s her tell; exposed earrings and touching them while talking to her friend, those; standing away from her friend (to not mask her outfit from the animals: the dress/shoes… get it?) Look at what she’s proud of and validate that pride.

Then (gasp) let her talk about it. She won’t be used to it, so it’ll take a second for it register in her mind that you’re going to be quiet and listen.

In your mind, once she starts talking about her favorite subject (herself) you should hear the Spanish Futbol announcer yelling, “SCOOOOORREEE!!!!”

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Image Credit: seen.co

If she doesn’t take a compliment well, or smile back with eye-contact, re-think your play. Whether she was “The One” (long-term) or “the one-right-now” (short-term), call it a loss and bail out. Short-term, who cares; it’d be over soon anyway. Go laugh. Long-term though, not being able receive and gracefully handle a compliment is your wave-off. She’s going to be high-maintenance and un-pleaseable. You already had one of those remember? That’s why you’re here in the bar again… If she won’t smile, she might not be used to it, get it?

4. And there you are. You are standing as straight as your momma taught you for Confirmation, and you’ve offered a non-threatening, time-limited yet open-ended volley to her side of the net. She has raised the racket to play and is ready to talk. Your job now is to impress the cut-man without failing to make time with the prize. That is, let her talk more than you; listen well and play nice. Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine brighter (i.e… no complaining – don’t bitch, or you’ll be one). While listening, offer eye-contact and a “yes” and “uh-huh” once in awhile but not much else; that validates people and their role in the conversation as important – which we already know is her favorite subject. Lean in, chin pointed at her, if you have to stoop/bend forward a bit to be at (near) her height, do so.

Do not check your phone, your watch, your six – nothing. It’s you and her (and Cut-man) in a bubble in the bar. Stay there.

If she says something you don’t agree with, don’t shut it down with an argument: say, “Oh, I never thought of it that way, how did you figure that out?” or “Hmmm… that’s interesting, help me understand the background…” There is absolutely no profit in having your first fight on the first night. Wait on that for a while, ok? It’ll come, no hurry.

5. Suspend thy ego. Most dudes are dying to let other people know they are wrong. Check any online comment string and you’ll see nearly all devolve into a faceless shooting match between egos emotionally arguing senseless points.

Ego suspension doesn’t mean giving up your pride or coolness. You actually get more; John Wayne didn’t go around telling everyone he was a badass; he just was. You can be smart without explaining it all the time. Get over yourself. To get to know her better, you’ll have to stop the internal propensity for talking about yourself and offering contradiction to anything you don’t like. Alert: you might learn something about yourself as you more maturely pick your battles and pick which things aren’t worth the bother.

Contradiction does not build relationships anyway. Barstool Psychology: If she likes to argue or wants to talk about politics, sexuality, religion, racism, Obama, Bush, her cats (plural), her X, or anything you’d normally talk about after you’ve decided that the sex so good you’ll keep her around a while: BAIL OUT NOW. The first meeting is as much an interview for you as it for her. If she’s that comfortable opening with that kind of game, she’s psycho; turn on your heels and go find the imaginary friend you said you were waiting on. You’ve had psycho already, remember? Not again. I’m doing you a favor brother, accept the loss (yet a win) and move on. It’ll save you three painful weeks of stepping on pink razors in the shower and hearing her complain about the cold Chicken Lo Mein in the fridge. Run Forest run.

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Image Credit: theglow.com

There’s body language contraction to watch for too. Hers and yours. Whether your words match your body language or your posture doesn’t match her, contraction stifles flow. As a Psychologist, I’m probably overly aware of this, you and Mrs. Rightfornow don’t have to over-think this too much but watch her as she talks and learn something. For example: men look into their mixed drinks when drinking; women look all around the room while they are drinking one. This is natural. What is she looking at? No big deal, unless it is constantly Rico Suave in the leather pants and silk pirate shirt in the corner… If so, at first find out if he is her foreign cousin and she’s concerned that he’s having a good time… If so, offer to bring him over – it’ll be funny. If it’s not… and they’re not related, she wants to know him the Biblical way. Again, bail out.

Is she looking at you? Is she specifically not looking at you? Have you caught her and Cut-man rolling their eyes or giving each other the “WTF look?” Is she updating her Facebook (bad)? Is she looking at you (that’s good)? Is touching her hair (also good)? Is her neck more exposed than it was when you first came over (that’s very good)? That’s the female equivalent of a puppy rolling on its back (I trust you, rub me)… Again, the opposite is true, if she starts masking herself (covering up) you’re not doing so well… Try connecting better… Listen more actively; repeat what she’s said back to prove you are. “But when you were in Arizona that one time, was Meaghan there, or was that a different roommate?” (you’re: listening, engaged, interested in her friends, and experiences). Her pants will fall off. Boom.

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Image Credit: hitflix.com

6. Don’t wait to talk. “Wait Doc, I thought you said to listen…” Yes, I did. What I mean is to actively hear what she is saying, don’t formulate your next snappy line and hold on to it while she’s talking. It’s good to have ideas, she’ll like that. But there is a balance. Stop thinking of what you are going to say next, and actually listen to what the other person is saying. It’s not actually necessary to have a remarkable clever quip every time. Save that crap for your guy friends where you have 13 seconds to snap back or it’s lame. When meeting someone, it’s ok to let there be a little thoughtful silence – otherwise you’ll appear nervous. Nervous is weak. Anthropologically she’s been programmed to see weak as not successful and not let it near her eggs… See? If you are weak, and she still wants you, she doesn’t want you, she wants a project… again, bail out.

Stick to the theme. Life is themes; psychologically, that’s all most people are able to retain after a conversation anyway. Keep the theme light, bright, positive, and affirm her importance, or at least her interest.

That’s enough. By now you’re either taking notes, or your eyes are glazed over. Bottom line: pick your target. Watch it. Pick an approach (ID the tell). Stand up straight. Don’t be weak. Listen. Respond to what she is saying — not what you’re thinking while she’s saying it.

Stick to the theme that you are both interesting people and have lots to talk about (mainly she has lots to talk about). Don’t embellish or call attention to differences. Body language says more than words. No phones — until the morning when you exchange numbers.

That’s it, just six. Pick three and see if the next shot is better.

 

 

– Dr. James J Frey

TWITTER: @jamesjfrey
jamesjfrey.com

 

How to turn things around when your start-up is shutting-down

Look, you had big dream and high hopes. That’s great – but it’s not enough. You have to have a couple fundamental principles down pact before starting any new venture or implementing massive organizational change in an existing company. There is a colossal difference between what you need to succeed to be a small business, and what it takes to succeed as a large company. But whatever you’re trying to do – these ten factors are going to make or break you.

 

This is a fast-read user’s guide to You. A How-To for You-the-Leader, coach, mentor, manager, entrepreneur, and blood-to-tears investor in your struggling organization.

 

1. Leadership. The simple and widely misunderstood fact of leadership is what you are supposed to do in that office. Do this:

1. Don’t stay it; get out and see the folks.

2. Stay in it; let them do their thing.

You are there to inspire others to be the best they can be. You are not there to be better than them. Again, you are not supposed to prove you are the SME, you are supposed to inspire others to be SMEs. Inspire, don’t perspire, your employees. Your obsession with the nit-noids of the production process can get in everyone’s way. Change brushes… use broad strokes… leave the details to the next group of leaders. See, leadership is largely interchangeable. In fact, and history proves this, an SME leading SMEs in the same field is a blinded mess. They call it “General Manager” and not “Micro-manager” for a salient reason. Leadership’s main qualification is understanding leadership. Before being CEO of Ford, Alan Mulally was person of the year in Aviation Week & Space Technology in 2006 for his work at Boeing. The current commissioner of the NHL, Gary Bruce Bettman, started in 1993 after leaving being the SVP and General Counsel for the NBA. Leadership is not the same type of doer-ship it took to earn the post as leader.

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2. Get your failures right. If you get this right, everything else will be right. Do you know what failure looks like and how to talk about it? Failure is a signal that something went wrong, not necessarily someone went wrong. If you cannot separate the two, your staff will not separate the two. Learn from failure. Debrief it. Grow from it. Do you have a culture where failure is part of growth? Do you have blind spots of loyalty for people or processes that have failed you time and again? Once or twice, good… A habit of always late, wrong, over-budget, full of excuses, finger-pointing, etc?… after the 4th time with no correction by you, their failure is yours alone. Yet, do not discourage failure (that’s how people learn). Do you punish failure (this can be stated as: Do you discourage innovative thought)? Last thing on failure – talk about it. The failure to communicate effectively -and often- has been the downfall of leaders since the beginning of time.

3. Stop treating your Marketing staff like the Arts & Crafts department. The onset of the internet has changed the way your clients and partners can access information about you and your products. No longer can you expect them to take you at your word that your product is the best, cheapest, most awesome whatever it is out there. You can bet they have already, or will before signing, look it up on the web and find out what to ask about and what to pay for it. Your marketing department knows how to handle this challenge, beat it, and push your team in a direction where those web searches conclude in your favor. Do not be so keen to engineer a solution that you forget to ask Marketing if someone is asking for it. Do not be so eager to build a design that you forget to ask Marketing if it is marketable.

R&D and Marketing should Red Team your ideas before any rivets start being popped.

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4. Network or don’t work. Yes on LinkedIn, but more importantly network within your staff. Collaborate to innovate. Allow cross-pollination of disciplines across the employees for maximum effective use of talent. This will increase corporate loyalty, buy-in, retention, and lower risk of un-checked designs and decisions getting further than they need to.

5. Read. Read books. You’re not alone. You’re not inventing the problems you have. You’re not the only person to deal with what you are. Reading other perspectives will check yours. You’ll either solidify your resolve, or you’ll gain insight into another way which may be more effective. Do not spend your free time poking through 140 characters at a time. Read books. If you are against reading business books, read mysteries and crime novels. The cognitive process of multi-layered stories and problem solving are the closest thing to the cognitive skills you’ll need at work. Your brain can get a pot belly too. Work it out. Suggestions at: jamesjfrey.com/links-of-interest.html

6. Work-out. You have more time to work out than you have time to spend in a hospital after a mental breakdown or heart attack. This is not a paper that kind of mental health, but the short of it is you need water and blood in your brain. Drink a lot of water and increase the circulation up there daily to clear out the plaque (yes, you get plaque in the folds of your brain like you do between your teeth and in your arteries). The plaque build-up in your brain is linked to stress, depression, stroke, dementia, Alzheimer’s, mood disorders, and all kinds of other bad stuff that 20 minutes of accelerated heart rate can combat (ask your doctor before beginning any diet or exercise routine).

7. Be an example. If you get this right, your people will be eager to perform for you. Make sure you are consistent with what you expect from them, persistent and credible about it, and create an atmosphere of trust where they truly believe that you believe in them. If they can’t tell what you expect, you won’t get it. If they can’t see your enthusiasm, where will they get theirs from? Why should your staff wear the company polo if you do not? Why should they be in early if you are not? Why should they… and on and on. You get the picture. Practice what you preach. But don’t preach: show.

Leadership is not a title; think of Judge Reinhold in Beverly Hills Cop. Every time he got a promotion, his title got bigger. By part III he was the DDOJSIOC (Deputy Director of Operations for Joint Systems Interdepartmental Operational Command) and still played a yutz.

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8. Communicate. It cannot be over-stated: communicate. Communicate your vision, goal, process, praise, and problems. Do not politically pick and choose whom to tell; you’ll leave someone out. Trust your people to be trusted in carrying out your vision. Do not treat information like currency; they will get the information somehow anyway, but your failure to trust them will engender bias against you as their leader (mentor, trusted coach, etc).

9. Appreciate your people. Just as in marriage, if you fail to appreciate the person you are with, someone else will. The days of “earning your stripes” are over – your new hires expect to be brought into the fold immediately and to be allowed to contribute immediately. If you, or your senior staff, treat them like they are not important, another company will. You will essentially be training your competition’s next wave of experienced employees.

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10. Focus. In all this mess, don’t forget why you got into this business. Don’t lose sight of whatever it was that inspired you to get this far. As things change, and they will, take a couple steps back. New Day, New Problem, New Plan needed. Do not lose focus on the goal – and the goal wasn’t 84-hour work weeks, poor health, an empty house, staff that resents you, and a product you can’t sell.

 

 

– Dr. James J Frey

TWITTER: @jamesjfrey
jamesjfrey.com

MAY 2015

5-MAY

MAY 2015

Barstool Psychology- Size matters (but not that way)

Don’t worry Mambo; I’m not going to talk about a reduction. And Fifel you’re just fine; this isn’t about penis size or anything so crass. And I will not waste this session going into why anytime anyone says anything about too big, size matters, it’s big, that’s big, or any of the myriad of terms men (everywhere) associate with their junk, her junk, anyone’s junk — you think that. We learn about our penis in the early years and the fascination never stops… But this is not about that.

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Image Credit: freshgrafix.net

Yet, keep reading Sport; it’s more important than that (gasp) – yes… that important…

As a society are obsessed with Big. Not Tom Hanks switching bodies Big; we want it all; and we want it large, personalized, biggie size, extra sauce, customized, improved, jacked up, king-cab, up-sell, over-stuffed, mac-daddy, pass-the-gravy-to-me-and-me-alone-Big on a sesame seed bun.

And it’s killing us.

Not our bodies. If you want to hear about that rubbish go ask Mayor Bloomberg or Susan Summers. I’m talking about our collective psychology and our personal lives.

Us. We don’t get along anymore. We miss us.

We used to gather collectively in movie theaters to get the news, a cartoon, some cute ads, the feature (or two) and then the reel started over. We could sit in there all day (for a nickel) and watch it all with our social circles and strangers. Either way, we all gasped as Tonto neared the cliff, laughed at Laurel and Hardy, or followed the bouncing ball and sang along. We looked ridiculous, but we were in it together.

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Image Credit: visitcobh.com

In the early 90s (as an Enlisted U.S. Navy guy) I used to have a 1952 Chevy; the best feature was the couch seats – front and back. My girlfriend, now wife, could sit next to me… like next-next to me. How are you going to put your arm around your girl in a modern F350 King Cab with solo Captain Kirk chairs and a three-foot console dining room table (holding Supersized Big Gulps and six kinds of phone chargers) between you? Of course, I don’t mean to get rid of the man-car and buy something scrawny like a Smart-car or Prius – if those are your cup of (caffeine free, chi-mocha-almond, non-fat dairy, cinnamon sprinkles, diet) tea, your Cat Fancy subscription needs renewal (then ritual burning).

But as you stay on the path to getting bigger, don’t forget the small things.

In the early era of television there was one television set in the household and the family was around it sharing some level of cultural experience, good or bad. In fact, the whole of America was tuned in and turned on to the same ilk of entertainment – at the same time. We, as a family in our homes, were still sharing some kind of mutual experience with the rest of society who was also tuned into the same thing (of the three available programs). Our couch isn’t crowded upon at night like The Simpsons do anymore; it’s now a 15’ L-shaped coliseum where everyone gets their own space, own cushion, calls “Fives”, and again, sharing isn’t wanted, needed, or missed. Worse, everyone can slink into his or her own room and be efficiently made socially mortifying by solo consumption of unchecked media on 1200 channels.

Our kids’ first sharing experience will be when another lactose intolerant vagabond grunts at them (with a hipster chin nod) for the non-dairy creamer at Starbucks.

We’ve up-sized our lives and shrunk our relationships. We’ve moved into McHouses with huge windows and huge window treatments so no one can see in (or out). We’ve added more bathrooms so our kids don’t have to learn to share a sink. In enlarging our lives, we’ve shrunk our ability to relate. Our psychological lives have become analogous to those wrestling jocks on steroids you remember from high school. In an attempt to get max growth and strength, they shrunk.

Analogy alert. By forcing yourself to have a Big Life, you lose (shrink) the things that matter most… But this isn’t about that… but then again, we’re dudes… everything is… That book, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” Uh… Guys, it’s the small stuff that matters most (right Fifel?).

Holding hands is good, but it has become walking next to one person and texting another. Dating is good, but it’s now two tweeters dressed up for once and sitting across from each other texting different people who aren’t there and can’t see them dressed up.

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Image Credit: huffingtonpost.com

Don’t get rid of the leather coliseum or ditch the Super-Cab just yet. But you need to think about compensating for that over-sized space by creating closeness in other ways. Turn off the TV at home. In the car, turn the radio down (or off for advanced level play) and tell everyone “no phones.” It’ll be mayhem; you’ll have to watch the road, and the other passengers will have to comment on the awkwardness of not texting and facebooking non-stop about whose vine is the cutest and why Taylor didn’t come to the dance last week. One of you, perhaps even you, might notice something outside and a conversation might start. In last week’s Barstool Psychology session we cover how to communicate if this scary situation comes up and it’s too weird.

We’ve spread ourselves across and outward, and I don’t mean just in jean size (That’s Bloomberg and Summer’s problem). We’ve bloated our over-stuffed personalized luxury to such an extent that we have to strain to attempt any face-to-face form of communication. And we still suck at it.

Some McHouses we have intercoms. Remember Richie Rich in the 80s cartoons? He had an intercom and we thought it was magical that he could talk to Jeeves from the other side of the house. He we are, thinking we’re talking to Jeeves, but we’re really just asking the young droids to stop X-boxing long enough to come enjoy a re-heated frozen lasagna because we raised as generation of women who can’t cook (or think it’s important)… Not to push you off the stool here, but even TV praises the “good Mom” who ordered KFC for the night so everyone got what they wanted and a healthy meal “for once.” What were they eating last night? “Awww Mom! Moon Pies and RC Cola again?!?”

Just saying.

Back when my wife and I were young, we spent our first year of marriage in Japan as teachers. We didn’t have a McHouse, a TV, a radio, hell – we didn’t even have a bed. We shared a tiny yellow couch. Tiny like what you see in the Kids’ Corner at Barnes & Noble. We were young and in shape so two spooning bananas was a good start. With no TV we didn’t zone out, no radio was a bust, but we had each other and were forced to learn to talk (yes, after 3 years of dating we started learning that). It was rough and magical. Would I do it again? No. But the idea was planted while there that communication was more important than the electrical static we all let share our everyday (every moment) spaces.

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Image Credit: readsh101.com

Now frankly, older and less in shape, my wife and I are more like two gourds or squash than bananas, so the couch isn’t even a nostalgic choice; we have a king size bed (and 3 kids and 2 dogs who join at random to make it feel like the micro yellow couch).

If you have a choice, the couch is a bad one. But staying connected means being physically, emotionally, comedically, and psychologically connected as if you were on the couch 18 hours a day… Not 24 – 18. Everyone needs “me time” so don’t fall for the “I’m here for you 24/7” crap. Take time to be by yourself (or at least not with her fulltime) or all you’ll have is yourself (24/7).

Space is not the final frontier; space is the Sports Recovery Drink your soul needs to process what’s happening and heal/grow/whatever.

For one day, see if you can consciously keep track of how often you are holding your phone when you could be holding her (or his) hand. How often are you looking down (at a screen) instead of up (at life)? How often do you take a picture and immediate think you have to post it as if someone else is waiting for your fake suck-it-in posture and practiced smile?

“Look I lost 5 pounds since you saw me at work Friday and I’m super duper happy to be at the zoo with my sister’s kids!”

In a rather unappreciated movie, “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel,” Judi Dench’s beautifully elderly character is questioning whether or not to get involved with another mature gentlemen played by Bill Nighy. She and a friend are talking about her claiming she needed more time to think about it the friend replied, “How much time do you have?”

Does the big house spread your family out so you see less of each other? Fix it (not the size of the house, the use of the space). Does your car let (make) you all have independent travel experiences? Pay attention to these moments, there aren’t many left. The small things add up to the big things. In 50 years you’ll be in your rocking chair and thinking back.

You won’t remember the selfies, the stupid lasagna photos, the window treatments, and probably not even that truck… You’ll strain to remember the little things; and you better get it right now or she won’t be there to hold your hand, wipe your drool, and remind you how magical it was.

 

– Dr. James J Frey

TWITTER: @jamesjfrey
jamesjfrey.com

Writing Staff

 

adamAdam Dulski

I was born and raised in Buffalo New York, but wisely adopted the 49ers as my team at the very smart age of 6. Even though I now live in the Finger Lakes, I maintain my season tickets to the Buffalo Bandits of the National Lacrosse League. Fantasy football and fantasy NASCAR are my two biggest hobbies and I treat them that way. The moment you are not having fun playing fantasy is when you need to stop, because it’s supposed to be fun before anything else.

TWITTER: @adamdulski


damianDamian Mikrut

I never take anything too seriously. I am an avid baseball and hockey fan, but never seem to pick the winners. Worried about the pussification of America and believe we are raising a nation of wimps who believe we owe them something without having to actually earn it. Borderline alcoholic with a huge passion for craft beer and even spend my free time trying to brew the perfect drink myself. I am opinionated on many subjects and I never shy away from sharing my thoughts even if they aren’t part of the popular opinion. I grew up in the shadows of the Hamptons on the island of Long and now live in the birthplace of the chicken wing. I spend six months out the year hibernating from the cold winter weather with my computer while constantly dreaming of warmer days on the beach. Living the working class dream with my wife and two kids, oh and a cat. This is the first time I have put my thoughts to paper, so now you have been warned.

TWITTER: @nyislanders19


cameronCameron Blevins

I’m a 24 year old Radio DJ/Producer in Huntington, Wv. I have the widest musical taste of anyone I’ve ever known. I can go from Sinatra to Slayer, Alan Jackson to Jackson Browne, Steve Miller to Steve Earl and literally everything in between. I fancy myself a modern Gentleman with tastes in fine cigars, aged whiskey, my personal library and my vinyl collection. I also, obviously, love to write. I have short fiction that’s been published in the Blue Monday Review and I write a restaurant review blog at tristate-eats.blogspot.com. With talents in A/V editing, DJing, Writing and much more- I’m a self proclaimed future Media Mogul. Enjoy my rantings.

TWITTER: @CamOnAir


hughHugh Hamilton

Hey! My name is Hugh and apart from writing for Stuff Dudes Like, I’m a backpacker, vagabond, and travel blogger at risingroads.com. I originally hail from County Down in Northern Ireland. I left home in 2003 and have been traveling off and on ever since. Although I’ve been to many countries, I’m not what you might call a ‘country-counter’: I prefer to take things slow and immerse myself in the local culture. I offer travel tips and advice, but my main focus is telling funny stories and relating experiences. In the finest tradition of Irish storytellers, I may be prone to exaggeration.

TWITTER: @therisingroads


mattMatt Mollett

YO! Everyones favorite werewolf from the heart land here, Matt Mollett AKA the Wolfking. Im 33 years old and I have been writing short stories my whole life, or at least the parts I could lol. I have been a welder for the biggest part of my life. I have a very this is my opinion and i don’t care if you like it attitude. I have a love of underground hip hop, movies, the supernatural,and self defense. Plus many other things that we will talk about later. So for now i bid you farewell.

TWITTER: @therealwolfking


dakotaDakota Wheatley

yo i make people laugh

TWITTER: @dakotawheatley


liseetLiseet Mata

My name is Liseet Mata and I’m from Venezuela. I love writing. I just published my first book and I’m writing the second. I also write daily on my website. The first time I typed a word onto a computer, I experience a feeling of wellbeing. It was as if the puzzle piece that had been missing all my life, had finally been found. Create your own destiny.

TWITTER: @Liseetmata


katKathryn Morris

​I’m Kat, I’m 20 and from the UK. I love writing stories, reading and playing guitar. I have also created a website called The Bailey Helpline, designed to offer support and advice on anything. I’m currently an English Language and Literature student at the Open University and I enjoy writing blog posts that help, educate, or at least comfort others.

TWITTER: @katmorris20


ron2Ron George

My name is Ron George, and I am a lifelong nerd. I grew up with comic books and pretty much anything related to Star Wars. I’m damn proud of my nerdy background, because I feel like it gives me a unique perspective on life and the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a virgin living in my parents’ basement. I love a good, dark beer; a well-aged scotch, and a fine cigar. I’m a hockey fan (Go Pens!). I’m an aspiring novelist and hope to have my first book published by the end of 2015.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter or to check out my blog!

TWITTER: @ronsense64


morganMorgan Alexander Kosinski

When I was in the 4th grade, we were all forced to stand in the front of the class and tell everyone what we did that summer. I got so nervous, I farted half way through my report and started crying. That’s kinda how I feel trying to write this bio…So I’ll just say this. I super promise I know what I’m talking about. #Truth

I’m also the Social Media Director at Patrick Henry Creative Promotions @TEAMPHCP. Follow us on Twitter, FB and Instagram and change your life. Cheers!

TWITTER: @TEAMPHCP


2girlsStorm & Lasuzaca

We are Storm & Lasuzaca! We are here on Stuff Dudes Like to share our adventures in travel, music, food, and more. We live in Sarasota, FL and love exploring… from mangrove tunnels and islands off the coast in our kayak, to biking trails and visiting camping sites, to underwater adventures swimming with manatee, and more. We both love soccer and play recreationally on a team most of the year. A few of our favorite teams are USA, Brazil, Barcelona, Spain, Netherlands, and our local favorite the Tampa Bay Rowdies! We love living life to the fullest, taking it one day at a time. We look forward to sharing our adventures with you! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter – @stormnlasuzaca

TWITTER: @stormnlasuzaca


chrisbovaChris Bova

I am a stay at home brew dad by trade. Four kids and a wife leaves little time for a myriad of activities so I chose one that would best fill I the down time. Brewing beer! I’ve been brewing beer for three years now and just recently began writing a blog about the experience. I’m looking forward to sharing my knowledge with the SDL readers.

TWITTER: @cebova


drjDr. James J Frey

Dr. Frey lives in Lutz, Florida with his wife and best friend, Brandie. Their three children have visited more countries than many Americans have visited States, and their open-minded curiosity is the source of great pride and laughter for the Freys. Jim enlisted in the Army National Guard at 17 while still in high school in Fairfax, VA, then went into the Navy where he served four years as an enlisted Aviation Electrician making multiple deployments on several aircraft carriers. At the end of his enlistment he went to college and upon graduation worked for the Japanese Embassy teaching English at a very rural high school in Miyakonojo, Japan. Granted an age waiver, he re-entered the Navy from Japan, attended Officer Candidate School in Pensacola, FL, then went through Fixed- and Rotary-Wing Flight School in Whiting Field (next to Pensacola), followed by MH-60S Knighthawk helicopter training in San Diego, CA. Jim served as a Naval Helicopter Pilot for 12 years. In his spare time, he earned two Master’s Degrees (Philosophy and Psychology) and a PhD in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Jim is the recipient of over 37 personal and unit awards/citations from the U.S. Army, U.S. Air Force, U.S. Navy, U.S. Coast Guard, and United States Marine Corps, including the Bronze Star.

TWITTER: @jamesjfrey


erikErik Steckis

My name is Erik Steckis. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I was born and bred on Long Island, went to college at Bryant University (Go Bulldogs!) and I’m now married, living in CT, working as an Auditor and I just finished my Masters of Science in Accounting from the University of Connecticut (Go Huskies!). I’m a huge sports fan. The teams I support (in no particular order): Yankees, Rangers, Manchester City, New York City FC, Knicks, and those J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! I’m always happy to have a spirited conversation with anyone that agrees or disagrees with those choices. I also love video games and you’ll often find me in my man-cave on my PS4 (my PSN ID is DXFlounder if you want to add me). One of my biggest passions is professional wrestling. I’ve been a fan for 20+ years through the ups, downs and everything in between and I’m excited to tell you all about it. I can also quote The Simpsons and Seinfeld like nobody’s business. I’ll be looking to bring the funny to Stuff Dudes Like, so thanks for stopping by San Diego (but mainly, stay classy).

TWITTER: @ESteckis


trishTrish C.

Hi, I’m Trish. I’m super excited to be writing for Stuff Dudes Like. So a few things about me. I love travel, music, and writing and incorporate all three in my concert blog, traveltomusic.net. I especially like taking really short trips to far away places. I’m from Canada so I like hockey and beer and being polite but I now live in Northern California so I also like wine and saying “rad.” And trees… totally love trees.

TWITTER: @imtrishpie


MatashaMatasha Lee

Hi, my name is Matasha. I was born on the dusty road of 34 at the local hospital in Terrell, Tx. Many emerging artists and dreamers have grown from this very land, most famous is Jamie Foxx. My desire through writing, fashion, and music is to chase my dream just like he did and go off to developing a new name for myself, but right now I am a struggling writer who just received a job since 2010 by the grace of God. I love writing and it is one of my passions. I have two rooting fans that will stay in my audience if I ever get booed off the stage of life, my son and daughter, Amelia and Sean. They are Mommy’s heart beat. I have a blog that is growing from the soils of the earth like my story: The Beauty of my story. I have a ton of content on my blog that will help the fellow reader to walk a mile in my shoes while learning their own shoe size. I am a daughter, a sister, older and younger, an auntie, girlfriend but most of all, myself. Follow my story thebeautyofmystory.blogspot.com. Make sure you share my articles. Thank you!

TWITTER: @thebeautyofmyst


fabianFabian Malone

Hi my name is Fabian Malone. I’m from the Washington DC area. Iam a cocktail craftsman, Bar consultant & Magicians apprentice! I believe that the cocktails we drink should be made with quality spirits and the freshest ingredients. I don’t believe in artificially flavored spirits. I pay homage to classic craft cocktails as well as creating new cocktails for today. Craft cocktails taste best when made with passion and excitement. But above all else — a craft cocktail must be fun to drink! Capital’s, Celtic’s, Redskins, Oriole’s, & Nat’s DC United. #RoninBartender

TWITTER: @RoninBartender


ZenaeZenae Zukowski

Fellow dudes and dudettes, I am Zenae Zukowski and I wear many glorious hats. Not only do I write for Stuffdudeslike, but music has consumed me and I write for Crypticrock and I’m building my own Music Publication. You should call me a creative being and know that I love to passionately get my hands dirty with writing screenplays, articles, stories, and poetry. I have been in the Broadcast/Media industry for ten years now, specializing in Post Production and Distribution. The journey doesn’t stop there, I also do photo retouching, event photography and Project Management. Phew! Why wonder I am tired! My earthly self loves animals, traveling, and you’re favorite, vegetarianism. If you like my humor and quirky mind, feel free to follow me on Twitter or like me on Facebook.

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz


peterPeter Greenwood

Peter Greenwood is a writer and broadcaster from Scotland, with an unnaturally unhealthy obsession with US late night TV. He likes comics, video games and various other things of which he can talk about at length. Whether you want him to or not.

TWITTER: @Gappits


coupeJoe “Coupe” Ricupero

Hi, my name is Joe Ricupero but I go by Coupe. I’m a 17 year old junior in High School. I grew up in Brooklyn until recently moving to Long Island. I’m an avid sports fan and a fan of the New York Rangers, New York Giants, Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Yankees. I aspire to one day be a broadcaster, a dream of mine since I was a kid and this is the first step of many in my road to something big.

TWITTER: @coupeNYR


anthonyAnthony Pepe

Anthony F. Pepe is a poet, a painter, a power-lifting music producer, pugilist, playwright, part time philosopher, book-binder, baker, bodyguard web-builder. A spoken-word soothsaying security expert, sketch artist, sculptor. A domestic violence awareness activist and a mixologist, martial artist mechanic.

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe


jrJuan Reyes

I am a US Army Veteran, part-time graphic designer, part-time photographer. My journey into the world of photography began as a graphic designer and photo retoucher/enhancer many years ago in Puerto Rico. I did graphic design for photographers for almost twenty years and worked hand to hand with many model agencies and hired and/or freelance photographers. Now I own a small home photo studio in Clermont, Florida. My main goal is to help talented aspiring models get their names out. Why am I here on Stuff Dudes Like? To bring you photos of models and interviews about who they are, where they’ve been, and their dreams and plans for the future. You know: Stuff Dudes Like!!!

TWITTER: @jrrcphotography


jennyJenny Ainslie-Turner

Undoubtedly, a sex chat girl of too many years and yet, I still can’t get enough of it. It is so diverse and at the same time so entertaining I never tire of it. I have even written a book on my life as a sex chat girl, ‘How to Talk Dirty – A Hands on Guide to Phone Sex’. I have been training girls in the art of talking dirty for the past 3 years and have even starred in my own TV documentary, ‘My Phone Sex Secrets’.
Since which, I have been interviewed on a popular daytime TV show, done several Radio interviews and at one time had a regular guest spot on Fubar radio. An uncensored, internet station on which the first week I talked about buggering the male presenter.

I have done countless magazine interviews including, Mayfair and Escort’s men’s mags. I have even been part of a relationship advice panel for a large UK newspaper. Also, have written articles for Rude Magazine, a female based online mag.

I have since written a second book, a fiction novel about auto-erotic asphyxiation and based around the life of a sex chat girl who is taken over by the alter ego she created to take the more bizarre and depraved sex chat. Entitled, Will You be My Fantasy? Some say it should have been called, ‘Death by Pussy!’ Well, it’s what you guys crave the most.

I have been married twice, worn them out. Now single, free and able to just explore. And, because of this I have started a new adventure. It’s taking recorded stories into the 21st century, phone sex downloads. I call them iwanks, a bit like itunes only much dirtier. You can download a very naughty sex chat, recorded by me on to your mobile and use me whenever those spunk filled balls need emptying!

TWITTER: @iwank4u2


TOMTom Romero

Tom Romero is an actor, musician, reluctant producer, long suffering husband, and occasional storm chaser. He’s acted with Dennis Quaid, opened for Pine Top Perkins, and has witnessed over 30 tornadoes. He dreams of free beer, desert islands, and a broadway show. He writes for no audience at The Uncommon Man blog. theuncommonman.nyc

TWITTER: @TomRomero2


naiaQuincy Bailey

A 40 year old father of one just trying to guide my little man down a better and less bumpy path than his old man. I consider myself a college football know it all. I’m the equivalent of a hipster football fan. “My favorite player, you’ve never heard of him”. Grew up on a farm and was able to subsidize my education through football and yes the college I played at you’ve never heard of. I wasn’t what you would call a Division One talent. Actually played for Rich Rodriquez for a short period of time in the spread before it had a name. Grew up in West Virginia and Ohio, yet remain an avid fan and supporter of WVU.

Money Quote:
“When you tell somebody somethin’, it depends on what part of the country you’re standin’ in… as to just how dumb you are.” – Bo Darville – AKA The Bandit

TWITTER: @southwvboy


brettBrett Martzke

Brett Martzke is a TV sports veteran. Over the past 20 years he has worked at the Golf Channel, CNN Sports, Fox Sports Net, TVG and NBC Sports. You name the sports event, he has covered it. As an avid sports lover he was even crazy enough to follow a lifelong dream and open up a Sports Bar. Once that dream started to turn into a nightmare, Brett realized writing about and covering sports events was better than working in a kitchen, taking orders at a register and hoping to catch a glance at a TV while running Buffalo wings out to a table. Brett’s big sports achievement is that he is the self-proclaimed carnival basketball shooting champion. If there is a big stuffed animal on the line, Brett will win it.

TWITTER: @brettmartzke


ericpEric Peinhaupt

My name is Eric Peinhaupt, I’m 23 and raised in Alberta,Canada at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. I do everything from fly fishing to building cars. I’m all about getting out there and experiencing life! Aspiring writer and BBQ pit master. I’m also the owner of European Auto Union, a car enthusiast page on Instagram. (@europeanautounion) I love a tall glass of craft beer, and all things BBQ. If you’re into cooking, drinking and outdoor life, my articles and photographs will not disappoint!

TWITTER: @ericpeinhaupt


ajA.J. DeMello

A.J. DeMello is a stand-up comedian/actor located in California. An avid sports fan, he’s written for sites such as Bleacher Report & Thoughts From The Dark Side, but will be given the freedom here to mix in the funny – no matter how unflattering he may seem to the average dummy. Born & raised in the Bay Area, he doesn’t pull any punches; having developed a sense of humor one might describe as, ‘edgy’. He appears regularly at comedy clubs such as Tommy T’s, Laughs Unlimited, and The World Famous Comedy Store. Peep his blog for upcoming show dates and see if he’ll soon be in your town. If you keep up with his articles, you’ll eventually want to see his act in person rather than not see him at all. Why? As he puts it: “It’s a Good Game of Ball.”

TWITTER: @humorousfiend


jeffhJeff Hillyard

Jeff Hillyard is an aspiring freelance blogger, content writer, and recipe developer specializing in all things BBQ and Grilling.
From true low and slow barbecue, to hot and fast grilling, to even healthy meals there is nothing Jeff does not like to cook on the grill.

TWITTER: @bbqwithjeff


SantanuSantanu Rahman

Santanu Rahman is a Metal guitarist, A Kung-Fu School Owner, a practitioner of Gracie Jiu Jitsu, and a podcaster.

TWITTER: @austinkungfu


timTim Buckley

Hi everyone I’m Tim Buckley, born and bred near to Nottingham in the UK. Currently serving in the Forces and have many deployments under my belt. I love sport and I’m a huge Liverpool FC fan, boxing, UFC, Basketball and any kind of lifting are my passions. My other hobbies are socializing, eating out, travelling and cooking. Writing for Stuff Dudes Like is going to be a good laugh indeed, I will say it how I see it! Looking forward to writing many articles.

TWITTER: @BigBuckersYNWA


martinMartin Phillips

Hey Dudes! I am Martin Phillips. I am a sixth grade teacher by day in Lodi, California, the Zinfandel capital of the world, and a kickass home cook by night. Okay, I am inside my own mind, at least. You can decide for yourself, however, and check out my food blog at inhousecook.blogspot.com and watch for my recipes HERE at StuffDudesLike.com! I have been a sixth grade teacher for fifteen years, so Nothing scares me! I have been a home cook for twelve years and have entered the small in-home catering market this last year. It has been an amazing ride and I cannot wait to share my recipes with you. I am a firm believer that bacon, pork belly, tacos, pizza, pasta and burgers should be food groups. BBQ is Heaven. Need I say more? Okay fine, I am good with the veggies, too! I cook a wide variety of dishes, from Asian Infusion to traditional carne asada and carnitas, to buffalo burgers, to elegant pastas and rustic pizzas. Look me up and give me a shout!

TWITTER: @grnmn1


fernandoFernando Martin

I have been born and raised in the Chicago area all my life. Music is the biggest passion in my life aside from beer, good eateries, movies and even settling down to indulge in a great read once in a while. I also write for the music review website, WeLoveMetal, where I review albums, concerts and conduct interviews with many musicians. Those who know me well know if you want to hit my softspot, you’ll mention animals and pets. I’m also currently going to school for music business hoping to work for the music industry one day soon. I look forward to interacting with the SDL staff and our fans! Hit me up!

TWITTER: @WeLoveMetalFern


nancyNancy Brown Lady Barber

I was born in Berkeley, California before the Summer of Love. When it came I was old enough to know that I lived in a very special place in a very special time. Dang that I was not old enough to attend any of the cool stuff.

We are native Californians for three generations on my mother’s side of the family. Before that, Norway. Dad’s people were Oakies who fled the dust bowl in the ‘30s and ended up in Solano County.

For nearly 20 years I was a law librarian for private law firms in Oakland, California. Quit that in 2006 for the much groovier trade of barbering. Nowadays I groom gentlemen for a living and paint (in oil) Oakland, its people and trees. I also garden and cat whisper when necessary.

TWITTER: @LadyBarberBrown


RomaineRomaine Ayoki Burrell

Romaine Ayoki Burrell is my name. I am student of the world. I am from St. Andrew, Jamaica. Waaah Gwaaan massive? (what’s up world/people?). I love to travel and live like a local. I am a food addict. My biggest goal apart from owning my fortune 500 company(yeah I am ambitious) is to see every country in the world two times over. I write on anything I please, even if its taboo. Looking forward to writing for you all.

TWITTER: @ayokiromaine


brianBrian Kaider

As a patent and trademark attorney, I get to work with a lot of interesting start-up companies and see fascinating new products. Whenever possible, I love to combine my work with the things that I’m passionate about, like craft beer, motorcycles, lacrosse, and woodworking. But, after a day of staring at a computer or talking on the phone, I need to work with my hands. So, you’ll often find me building something in my workshop, making pens, changing the exhaust on my Suzuki Boulevard M109R, growing hops to make my own beer, or cooking up something spicy in the kitchen and never from a recipe. At the end of the day, I’ll grab a nice porter and watch pro football or college lacrosse, where I’m rooting for the Baltimore Ravens or Towson Tigers (or whoever is playing against Johns Hopkins), respectively.

TWITTER: @bkaider


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