Search Results for: Anthony Pepe


Funky Gorilla Fist – Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

 

 

There are things that human eyes can bear witness to that they were never meant

to be exposed to. Images they were never built to interpret and convey to brain

cells that weren’t built, designed, or programmed to comprehend such images. Things that will

forever make everything else look a little greyer. Things that will make your comprehension of

all further events duller, and pale by comparison.

The images alone of such events can harden forever your interpretation of,

what’s right or wrong

acceptable or deranged.

Events that henceforth on will set the bar higher when comparing new experiences to determine

the level at which they lay.

The events that followed the beeper call weren’t such events, not by a long shot. But we

will get to that in a moment.

First we will speak about an event that made it possible for you to carry out the actions

that followed that beeper call with such cold hearted precision.

What happened this one night is something that you have tried real hard to forget, but to

no avail.

It was a Tuesday night and you show up at the club at 4:30 a.m. for a little after hours

partying. You always show up at the club on Tuesday, after hours, after eight hours of partying at

various ladies’ nights in the area.

So you head around the back of the parking lot towards the back door. You work your

way past the dumpsters, around the mountain of empty kegs, and are greeted by a sight that can’t

be rightfully described in great detail.

You see what appears to be a person laying on the floor with 1, 2 and 4 standing over it

with bats.

The next thing that you notice is that it is,

twitching,

writhing,

and undulating in a most unnatural way.

It is making the most terrifying sound you have ever heard.

Now, contrary to what anybody else has ever tried to tell you, there is no accurate way to

describe what

death throes look like,

a death rattle sounds like.

You’ve seen death before.

Ugly, dirty death.

Swift and concise death.

But you never imagined anything like this ever existed,

It seems that this person-like thing was a guy that hit on Bobby’s fuck of the week and

then told Bobby to go fuck himself when he was asked to leave.

It also seems that they finished beating it about 3 minutes and 17 seconds ago. You know

this because 4 has been counting out the time since you walked up.

“3-17″

“3-25″

“3-47″

They are getting very excited now, as they took bets on how long it was gonna survive.

They put up a grand, apiece.

1 on 4 minutes

2 on 6 minutes

4 on 10 minutes

“4 minutes and 11 seconds.” and 1 goes back inside.

It is still moving.

“6 minutes and 9 seconds” and 2 goes back inside.

Still making that noise, you think, “Make it stop”

At 7 minutes 32 seconds, 4 hands you the watch.”Fuck it, I guess I won already, but let

me know if it makes the 10 minute mark.” He goes inside.

At 8 minutes 45 seconds it flips over and the sounds get worse.

If it was a dog, you’d put it down.

If it was a horse, you’d shoot it.

You pick up a bat, take a rough guess at where it’s occipital bone should be, and

hit the off switch.

You go in and tell the boys, “9 minutes flat.”

You don’t say anything else, and as you are walking out, 1 and 2 are counting out 4’s

bootie.

You never look at the world with the same eyes again.

 

 

 

 

– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe
EMAIL: FunkyGorillaFist@hotmail.com

Funky Gorilla Fist – Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Imagine this, here’s the scenario. Your twenty, you’ve been working the door at the

top “Gentleman’s” Club in your major city of choice for two years now.

You grew up on the streets of the inner city of that particular major city of your choice, but in the

last two years have been thrown into more violent survival situations than you and all the guys

that you survived on those streets combined.

You’re working the door for Bobby for two years and in the past year you have gotten

pretty heavily involved in some of the shadier, behind the scenes, extracurricular activities that

orbit around that type of atmosphere. You are collecting money for Bobby’s bookie cousin,

Jimmy, and you act as courier between two of his other even shadier business associates.

So, it’s 7:30 a.m., Monday night / Tuesday morning. Your at Jennifer’s place and you’ve

been going at it since you got out of your cars three and a half hours ago.

You’ve been trying to get your hands on this girl for………….

Wow, I guess it’s really only been a week.

But anyway, you have your hands on her now,

You have your mouth,

Your eyes,

Your mind,

on her. You’ve been here for three and a half hours and you’ve come three times already.

You’ve broken two rubbers already,

You both decide that it’s too late to worry about now and now you are bare, inside her and

working on number four when……..

Your beeper goes off.

Only 3 people have that number and Allison isn’t one of them,

Neither is your Mother,

Or your best friend,

Or the local Boy Scout troop.

Three people have that number and in the two years that you have it, this is only the sixth time

that it has gone off.

What do you do?

What do you do?

You stop what you are doing and you pick it up.

It reads 333-3333

Codes

3 is like a B without the back = Bar

0 is like a C just complete = Club

4 is like an H missing a leg (or h upside down) = Home, Jimmy

1 is like ‘I’ period = Bobby

2 is like a fucked up S = Steve (fucked up Steve)

So it’s all 3’s

No 911

There is never a 911 on this beeper. If this beeper is going off, 911 can’t help. This beeper

doesn’t say, “ Call back.”, “Hey, what’s up?”

This beeper means, come, now, how come you’re not here already?

So, what do you do?

I’ll tell you what you do, you get dressed in the car while you drive. You get dressed in

the car as you drive but you take the time to yell over your shoulder as you run out the door (still

naked).

“I’ll give you a call as soon as I get a chance.”

And she says, “I know.”

– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe
EMAIL: FunkyGorillaFist@hotmail.com

 

Funky Gorilla Fist – Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

 

Well, things didn’t go exactly as I had planned that night. Like I said, it was the

Saturday night I met Jennifer, but it was also the Saturday night before my last Sunday morning with Allison.

You see, that was about a year before Jennifer left me, and a year after Allison left me.

Things weren’t always like this. I wasn’t like this. I was a quiet, mild mannered, fun loving guy who worked hard and loved his girlfriend. Things were great. I worked in a steel fabrication shop, worked hard but made good money and kept in shape. Allison was going to school to become a psychiatric nurse.

I shoulda picked up on something then.

And It Went Down Just Like This

She got her degree.

She got a job on the Psych. Ward of a Prominent Hospital in the Major City of Your Choice.

Two months later we started talking about getting a place together.

Maybe getting married.

A month after that she comes home with a black eye.

Said a patient did it.

Two weeks later bruises on her thigh.

Another patient.

1 week later we are having ‘intimacy issues.’

She fooled around with a guy at work.

A nurse’s aide none the less.

“Scared”

“Moving too fast”

“Sorry”

I forgive her.

We back off the marriage talk.

Good month.

Another black eye.

The shit hits the fan.

No patient.

Guy from work.

She’s been fucking him all along.

We fight, argue, scream, curse.

And then…..

She punches me in the nose.

Beaten and defensive already, in an instant, I defend an attack, swing for the fences, remember the barrier that I forgot and in an instant within an instant, redirect, hit the wall and shatter three bones, two knuckles and two fingers of my right hand.

She leaves me, because I broke my hand, and not her face.

She leaves me, but for that whole year she calls or shows up about once a month or so ‘cause she got another black eye and needs a shoulder to cry on ( or maybe she feels she needs someone to fuck her like the pig that she really is?)

` Which brings us to where we were last night. All the girls are gone, the fifteen minutes are about up and I am making my way back into the club to see how much damage Jennifer and I can do to each other. I am walking to the club, Jennifer is walking out, and guess who pulls up?

Guess who pulls up just as Jennifer walks out the door.

I tell Allison to “Hold on a sec,” and walk up to Jennifer.

“Look….”

“Your Ex….”

“Yup..”

“She ain’t looking too good”

“She never does when she shows up. If she showed up here….”

“It’s gotta be bad.”

“Yeah”

“Gotta do whatcha gotta do.”

“Gettin tired of it though.”

“But you’re not that tired of it ‘yet’.”

I smile and shake my head and think ‘ this girl knows me way too well already. This one is gonna be trouble.

She smiles knowingly and says,

“I’ll see you Monday night.”

“Shit! I hate Monday Night Football.”

“I know.”

I watch her walk away as I get into Allison’s car.

 

 

– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe
EMAIL: FunkyGorillaFist@hotmail.com

Funky Gorilla Fist – Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

“What’s the story with the new girl Jennifer?”

It’s another Thursday night and I’m standing at the door, talking with
Manager Mike, whose not really a manager, just a glorified barback/gofer that thinks he’s management.

“We don’t have any new girl ‘Jennifer’ right now.” He says ‘We’ like,

We equals the club equals management equals him.

“The girl that was on stage last week during the last fight.”

“OH,! Do you have any idea what you did to that guy?”

“Yeah, I broke his face. Forget the guy, what about the girl?”

“You mean Natasha?”

“I guess. Is that her real name? Mike, are you giving out the girls real names again?”

“No, that’s her stage name. I guess that she gave you her real name, right off the bat.”

“When does she work next?”

Just then the opening bars of Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” begins, as the DJ announces,

“Let’s have a round of applause for our next dancer, Natasha!”

I look up and there she is.

“I wanna fuck you like an animal…”

Now I realize that I never really looked at her that night. I mean, I saw her, I glanced in her direction when she spoke, but I sure as shit didn’t really look at her.

This girl was SEX.

5’1, 110-115lbs, 36C

think gymnast with boobs

think ice skater with boobs

think short Kathy Ireland with a body

Straight, long brown hair, grey/green eyes, tan, not model tan but landscaper tan, surfer tan. All natural. And since she hasn’t taken her eyes off of me the whole time I notice the most striking thing about her,

“…I wanna feel you from the inside…”

she’s not wearing any makeup. No cover up. No lip gloss. No eyeliner. No eyeshadow, or glitter.

I wouldn’t be surprised to find out (and wasn’t later when I did) that she wasn’t wearing perfume.

So now it’s the end of the night, I’m standing in the middle of the parking lot where I can see both the back and side door and all of the lot.

I stopped walking individual girls out about a year ago because there are spots in the lot that you can’t see one of the doors and/or the rest of the lot from. Well I was walking one of the girls out and another girl got impatient, couldn’t wait, and decided to walk out alone.

She was on the far side of the lot when I first heard her scream and I took off just as the first girl was getting into her car. Now it must have taken me all of twenty seconds to run around the corner of the building to where the screams were coming from, but in those twenty seconds, her boyfriend had punched her in the face, torn off her shirt, knocked her to the floor. And just as >I was in a position to really see what was going on, the first thing I could see clearly, I saw him

kick her in the face.

The second thing I saw was red.

Think bull

Think matador

Think matador too slow

Think Matador gored

Crowd goes “BOOOO!”

Bull happy, Bull very, very Happy!

I hit this guy with a full head of steam, blind sided, from the back, shoulder across the kidneys.

L.T. at his prime..

Mark Gastineau and Joe Klecko.

You see though, that is the trouble with retaliation and retribution, because the real damage is already done. It didn’t matter to me that I fractured T12, L1 and L2 and ruptured one of his kidneys. It doesn’t matter that he still walks with a limp.

Nothing could erase the way it felt to me to look down and see this girl, half naked and Bloody. Nothing could ever erase or mend the way that I felt that I had let it happen, that it was my fault because I wasn’t there to save her.

So now I stand in the middle of the lot where I can see everything that is going on and everyone can see me and up walks Jennifer, still no makeup, hair pulled back, torn jeans, man shirt seven sizes too big for her.

I see her coming but keep my vigil, watching the other girls leave. Not ignoring her, but steadfast on the task at hand.

She stops directly in front of me and asks,

“So, tell me something. Do I want to get to know you or not?”

“You know.”

She smiles and still doesn’t take offense that I haven’t yet looked at her, but I get the sense that not only is she not offended, but she understands why.

“I do know.”

“Then why ask?”

“To see what kind of reaction I got out of you.”

“Well, did you get the reaction that you expected?”

“You know.”

“I do.”

“So, what are we gonna do about it?”

“You know.”

“I do?”

“Go back inside and make yourself a drink. I’ll be done here in about fifteen minutes.

 

 

– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe
EMAIL: FunkyGorillaFist@hotmail.com

MAY 2015

5-MAY

MAY 2015

Funky Gorilla Fist – Chapter 3

DONT FORGET TO READ CHAPTER 1

AND CHAPTER 2

 

CHAPTER 3

 

Boy, do I remember that night. It was an unusually busy Saturday night at the
club. We were packed to the walls, the A/C was busted, and it was making for
quite an active night. We had seven bachelor parties in house and had already thrown two out.

Like thirty rats in a two rat hot box.

Then what do you know, some jerkoff jumps on stage, and guess what? It was the bachelor of the party.

Well, I get my hands on him just before he gets his hands on the girl. Of course then the whole party springs to their feet, but not before the other nine bouncers are already en route to the pending fray.
I pull him off the stage.

The best man punches me in the mouth.
His Dad hits me with a bottle.
They are both tackled.
I get the guy to the door, let him go, he swings, I kick him in the sternum, I hear,

CRACK, “GASP!” He falls.

As I hold the door for one of the other bouncers to toss two other guys, I realize that one of my front teeth is hanging by a thread (or nerve more likely.) So I reach up, pop it back in
place, and head back into the club like a Gorilla on speed.

No more taking them outside first, if you are within arm’s reach it is time to take a nap.

You see, any club goer knows that when there is trouble you get as far away as possible.

Sort of like in prison movies, when there is a fight, all the other inmates instinctively, line up against the wall

So now the best man’s brother is holding off two of the other bouncers with a chair. To be honest, I think he was just in shock that I walked straight at him because he didn’t even swing the chair. He just sort of stood there like a deer in the headlights as I hit him so hard I literally break his face.

You see, your sinuses are behind your cheekbone. And in case you didn’t know, your sinuses are hollow and your cheekbone is relatively thin, like a clay pot, and your eye sits on top of what amounts to the ceiling of your sinus.

Well, I shattered this guys cheekbone,

Think hammer,

Think clay pot.

All the fragments of his cheekbone and his eye fall into his sinus. So, think dent. Think big, big dent in this guys face and no eye in the socket. Well, as he falls he hits his head on the stage and a pool of blood starts to spread behind his head.

I’m still looking at the dent in his face when the girl on stage leans down and yells to me over the music,

“You know something, the blood under the blacklight, mixed with the neon and flashing lights, sort of looks like an oily puddle of water on the blacktop in the sunlight”

It was then that I knew that I had to get to know this girl.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Jennifer,” she says.

 

 

– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe
EMAIL: FunkyGorillaFist@hotmail.com

The Controversy Surrounding Transgender Athletes in Female MMA

Fallon Fox and the Controversy Surrounding Transgender Athletes in Female Mixed Martial Arts Today.

fallon

Image Credit: bloodyelbow.com

As more time passes and more people chime in and lend their two cents, it is beginning to look like we are getting farther and farther away from ever coming to a consensus about this issue. And this is a relatively new argument. We do, however, seem to be as divided on the subject as we are on such famous standards as politics and religion. It seems as though, like those two infamous arguments, it doesn’t really matter to one what the other thinks. What seems to be clear and plain fact to one is taken as ridiculous hearsay by the other. Regardless of how rational and supported that opinion may be, the opposition is positive that the results of that poll were fixed and the expert opinion of that particular Nobel prize winner was swayed.

There is hate mongering happening on both sides, everywhere you turn. Fox has been accused by some as just wanting to exploit her physical advantages and use them to beat up on girls. Fox herself has said that she believes that any woman that doesn’t want to fight her is either scared or hate filled. Both are unsubstantiated generalizations by parties that really have no idea what the basis of belief and/or the motivation of the other is.

Like the religion and politics debates of the ages, we find ourselves in a similar position on this one. We are looking at it from the outside – trying to filter, interpret, and otherwise decipher all the information and opinions out there. We are going to take you with us on this one. We are going to present to you all the information that we can find, knowing full well that it is not all the information out there. We will look at cold hard facts and we will look at other people’s interpretations of those facts.

We are going to start our information gathering with The International Olympic Committee. In May of 2004, the IOC adopted the policy recommended by the Stockholm Consensus. The policy has three main requirements for both male-to-female and female-to-male transgender athletes.

– Surgical changes must heave been completed, including external genitalia changes and gonadectomy

– They must have legal recognition of their assigned sex

– Hormone therapy for the assigned sex must be given for a long enough period to minimize any gender-related advantages in sports competition.

That period must be at least two years after gonadectomy.

Any athlete meeting these minimum criteria can compete in the Olympics

Dr. Marci Bowers, M.D., formerly known as Dr. Mark Bowers, a physician board certified in obstetrics and gynecology, has performed hundreds of sex reassignment surgeries, and seems to agree with the IOC. According to an interview with Bloody Elbow, she believes that Fox would not have much of a physical advantage beyond the normal variations in body type between born females. She states that with hormone replacement therapy to suppress the effects of testosterone, “Most measures of physical strength minimize, muscle mass decreases, bone density decreases, and they become fairly comparable to women in their musculature. After as much time as has passed in her case, if tested, she would probably end up in the same muscle mass category as her biologically born female counterpart.”

But as you can guess, not everyone is in agreement with the IOC or Dr. Marci Bowers. Dr. Ramona Krutzick, M.D., for one, does not. Dr. Krutzick believes that since Fox started her treatment so late in life, it is not likely that her musculature and skeleton would have undergone any significant changes at this point. Dr. Krutzick told Bloody elbow:

Typically, you’re looking at about 15 years after androgen suppression and sexual reassignment surgery to really start to see significant changes in bone density. It’s been too early for her to see much of a decrease in bone mass or to make her equal to that of a female. She started off with a much higher bone density than other women her same age, and therefore will maintain a lot of that for a while. Additionally, because she is taking estrogen, that will actually help to maintain that bone mass. Women also have lighter, child bearing hips because of the difference in hormones during the body’s developmental years. Her skeleton and body mass and shape developed a long time ago. Those changes cannot be undone. They are permanent.

Her testosterone levels are more than likely in the normal female range, since her adrenals are the primary source for it now. She didn’t undergo hormone therapy and surgery until she was fully developed, as compared to someone who completes therapy and surgery in their adolescence or very early adulthood, when they haven’t completely developed. She has the potential to be significantly stronger because her muscle development reached several years beyond full maturity, giving her the potential to be significantly stronger than other age matched women. There’s not really a way to determine how much her muscle mass will decrease over time. What can be said is that she has a naturally higher propensity to build and maintain muscle mass because she was once a fully developed, adult male. You can’t ever take that away from her.

foxworkout

Image Credit: zReportage.com

It seems as though a great many ruling bodies are using the IOC decision as a guideline when adopting a transgender policy of their own.The Association of Boxing Commissions has drafted a transgender policy that would require, among other things, that transgender competitors provide a complete medical history, as well as have a board certified endocrinologist testify that they have been on hormone therapy for more than two years. High schools are generally (and here we are generalizing again) adopting similar guidelines whereas the National Collegiate Athletic Association has a policy that is more inclusive to transgender athletes. The NCAA does not require that sex reassignment surgery be completed. It does not require legal recognition of the athletes transitioned sex. The NCAA allows athletes that simply identify as female to participate in woman’s team sports providing that they are undergoing hormone treatment to neutralize the effects of testosterone. Additionally, the NCAA requires only that the athlete undergo hormone therapy for one year, as opposed to two years like the IOC.

Other female mixed martial artists are sounding off as well. Liz Carmouche, who recently fought Ronda Rousey in the first ever women’s bout in the UFC has come out to say that she supports Fox and would be willing to fight her, providing she makes it to the UFC and is competing in the female 135lb division. Miesha Tate, who is scheduled to make her UFC debut April 13thagainst Cat Zingano for a chance to Coach against Ronda Rousey in the first ever mixed gender version of TUF, also has come out to voice her opinion. According to an interview with ESPN Tate would not be willing to fight Fox. She went on to state: “ I just have a lot of questions and I don’t feel there’s been enough research to safely say it’s OK for Fallon Fox to fight other females. My concern is that she went through puberty as a man. Does that change bone density? Does it change body frame?
And it is those questions that bring us to the fact section of this journey. Everything presented to you to this point has been, opinion, conclusion or consensus. First we will look at some medical facts.

According to the Journal of Applied Physiology, evidence suggests that women are more susceptible to injuries of tissue that have a large collagen component, such as tendons and ligaments. They concluded that the collagen synthesis response after exercise is much less in women than in men.
According to the Reveiw of Medical Physiology, men have a greater average lung capacity than women. Noting a vital capacity of 4.8 litres in men as opposed to 3.1 litres in women and a total lung capacity of 6.0 litres in men as opposed to 4.2 litres in women. Demonstrating an average difference of about a 30 percent higher value for men over women.

According to The Journal of Bone And Mineral Research males have larger skeletal size and bone mass than females despite comparable body size. It also states that women, with a naturally smaller skeleton may also incur greater microarchitectural damage than men. Males and females closely matched for height and weight show males to have a total hip bone mass density six percent higher and a femoral neck bone mass density five percent higher than females.

Male skulls are denser and heavier than female skulls.

Tendon insertions are generally shorter in females than in males. We will concede that tendon insertions vary widely among men and women. We will also concede that there is likely an overlap of the shortest tendon insertions in males and the longest tendon insertions in women. We are also going to assume that males in the one percent of shortest tendon attachments are not trying to make a career as professional mixed martial artists. Tendon insertion dictate the power that a muscle can exert. If you take two people, of the same bone size and muscle mass, one with tendon insertions twice as long as the other, that person will be proportionately that much stronger than the other. Chimpanzees have tendon attachment as such that a 100lb chimp is twice a powerful as a 200lb man.

We are coming to a conclusion here. We should note hear that the IOC presides over two different sports that entail striking between women. Both woman’s boxing and womens taekwondo, neither of which involve any scenario where one opponent stradlles the others chest and proceeds to punch and elbow the other in the face until they surrender or the refferee steps in to put a stop to the proceedings.
There is an awful lot of talk out there about rights. There also seems to be an awful lot of people losing sight of the first and foremost right. Safety. Testosterone and its effect on muscle mass and strength seem to be the least of the problem here. There are too many differences in skeletal geometry and physiology between men and women.

There is a huge amount of information out there. You can find the weight and density differences between each bone. You can also find the differences in the thickness and angle of the different parts of the skull.

In the end though, it comes down to one simple thing. No matter how you look at it. No matter where you stand. No matter how many changes have been made to the transgender person’s body – physically, mentally or hormonally – it is still a man’s hand punching a woman’s face.

fallonfox

Image Credit: thedailybanter.com

 

– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe
EMAIL: FunkyGorillaFist@hotmail.com

Funky Gorilla Fist – Chapter 2

DONT FORGET TO READ CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

 

There is this nerve in the back of your belly button that still’s attached to your

bladder, back from the days of its umbilical function. Well, if you get your

thumb in there deep enough, swift and hard enough, if the person’s bladder is full enough, they

will piss themselves. If nothing else, they will feel like they are gonna piss their pants and just out

of sheer instinct, stop in their tracks.”

Jennifer is chasing this 300 lb redneck out of the bar. All 109lbs of her screaming at the

top of her lungs.

“I told you, you dumb son of a bitch, I told you, take a look at that guy over there, now

take a good look at me.”

She pushes him as he tries to make his way to the door.

“I told you, These are two people that you don’t want to fuck with!”

He’s trying to hide it but it is clear that this guy should have emptied his bladder about six

to seven beers ago. His pants are soaked and he is leaving a trail all the way to the door.

At a certain point it seems as though one of the redneck’s, redneck buddies might

possibly be thinking about trying to stop the humiliation, but before the dumbass can even finish

the thought, Chris is up off of his chair at the door , moving towards his girl and her quarry, and

the guy thinks better of it.

The piss pants guy notices this too, and is so startled by the action that he trips over his

own sodden feet and falls flat on his face. Jennifer’s eyes light up as he hits the floor and Chris

grabs her just as she is about to kick the fallen victim.

He picks her up and kisses her as the guy scrambles to get back to his feet.

“That” kiss “son of” kiss “a bitch” kiss “grabbed my” kiss “ASS!”

They are both laughing now as the guy and his buddies slink through the door.

“Do you think you can go one more hour without getting into trouble?”

He puts her down and starts to make his way back to the door with her in tow.

“I’m just fired up now.”

“I know”

“That son of a bitch.”

“I know.”

“Got me so……..ungh!” He sits down and she sidles up to him.

He leans over and whispers in her ear, “Are you wet?”

“You know! ”

“I know”

“Wait till I get you home tonight.”

That was the beginning of the wrecked bedroom night before where we are now. Where

we are now is somewhere even Chris doesn’t want to be.

It is now about 9 a.m. Sunday, the morning after the wrecked bedroom night before. Chris

is going out for doughnuts but there is trouble in the air. Allison’s car is parked in front of

Jennifer’s place.

“Get in the car.”

He gets into the car, preps himself for what’s to come and asks,

“How’d you know where to find me?”

“It’s 9 a.m. Sunday morning.”

She puts the car in drive, peels out of the spot and throws a letter at him. He can see that

she is upset and has been crying already. She begins to cry again as she asks, “What the fuck is

that?”

He knows the letter, he knows every word without looking at it. He wrote it himself about

two weeks ago, but he remembers it like he wrote it yesterday.

Dear Dennis,

Well, I guess you won out in the end. She’s all yours, dude, I’ll back off and

never bother the two of you again. After this.

I just wanted to get a few things off my chest and figured I’d give you a few

things to think about. Now, if you don’t want to know, if you don’t want to think

about these things that I have to say, don’t read this.

I just so happen to believe that a person has a right to full disclosure before

they get ‘in too deep.’ I would, however, understand if you didn’t want this

information, so if so, do not continue to read this.

I wouldn’t read it if I were you, but you might want to so I figured I’d give

you the info, and leave it up to you as to whether or not you read it.

Okay, I guess you want to know so,

I guess I’ll start with the concept of “In Too Deep”, now that’s an interesting

concept. How far is too deep? Was I too deep when my cock was punchin’ her

tonsils? Was I “Too Deep” when I bruised her cervix,

six times?

Was I “Too Deep” when I was so deep in her ass that I got shit on my balls?

There is no place on or in that girl that I haven’t been,

Licked,

Fucked,

Cum on,

or in.

Yeah, by the way, I hear that you are moving into “her” place. Well, where do

you think I did all those things to her? In “her” bed, “her” bathtub, on “her”

toilet, bent over “her” bathroom sink, on the bathroom floor, on top of “her”

dresser, against “her” mirror, on “her” living room floor, on “her” sofas, on

“her” desk chair, bent over “her” desk, on “her” kitchen floor.

There’s not an inch of “her” place that doesn’t have my sweat or cum on it.

There is not a single towel, pillow case, sheet, blanket or t-shirt in that house

that “WE” haven’t used as a cum rag.

But really, I wish you both the best of luck. Try not to think about this too

much and you guys should do just fine. Just whatever you do,

Don’t bring a blacklight into any part of that house.

At least, I wouldn’t if I were you.

Good luck,

Chris

“How could you! How could you send something like that to him!”

She is crying in earnest now and not doing a very good job driving through the tears, but

he doesn’t seem to notice either. He’s lost in his own thoughts

Of course she knew how to find me. I guess, when it comes to some things, I really am a

creature of habit. As a matter of fact, now that I think of it, the last Sunday morning I spent with

her….

She is still screaming.

“I can’t believe you!”

She sobs, her mascara running down her face, mixing with the tears, snot, spit and sweat

to pool up as a gray green gob dangling off of her chin.

“.………was the Sunday morning after the Saturday night that I met Jennifer……...”

She wipes the gob from her chin and he gets the image of a garden slug that she is wiping

from her face, and he is brought back to the moment and laughs.

“You son of a bitch, god damn you, you son of a bitch! Why do you hate me so much?”

“.………..and what a night that was.”

“Tell me, why?”

“What did you say?”

“Aren’t you even listening to me? I said, why do you hate me so much?”

“Hate you? Is that what you said, why do I hate you?”

“Yeah”

“What makes you think I hate you?”

“This, that letter, he’s gonna leave me now you know!”

“Well, hate is a pretty strong word.”

“Well, it sure feels like you hate me.”

“Well, I’ve got news for you

I didn’t love you enough then,

to hate you now!”

 

– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe
EMAIL: FunkyGorillaFist@hotmail.com

Funky Gorilla Fist – Chapter 1

OPENING STATEMENT

This is not a forward, prologue, or anything else you may expect to find at the beginning of a book. So, opening statement is the best I can come up with outside of maybe, Warning Label.

I was told by a good friend, after he had read just the first few chapters, that “This is the type of book that Bukowski would have put down, to go on to a lighter read.”

While the names, places and dates have been changed to protect……….me, it is, after all, a work of fiction.

Sort of.

Lets just say that I took years of “research”, gave it some sort of continuity and found the alternate universe, parallel timeline of what could have been my story.

A story that doesn’t have a moral, carry any weighty social commentary, doesn’t posses any special philosophy, or higher message.

It is just a look back at what one life could have become had it continued unchecked.

I think it would make a colorful addition to Stuff Dudes Like.

 

Anthony Pepe

 

funky

CHAPTER 1

 

“Get me a beer while you’re up.” Jennifer pops her head back around the

doorjamb, “Light me a cigarette.” Chris reaches over to the nightstand for

the smokes, puts two in his mouth and lights them both.

He hears the toilet flush as he surveys the room. Laying on the bare mattress he notices

that the sheets and pillows are nowhere to be found at the moment.

There is a broken lamp, two beer bottles, some makeup and lotions, and a tennis racket

pushed into one corner of the room. There are the splintered remains of one of those Papasan or

Mamasan chairs, I guess in this case it was definitely a Papasan because it made a distinct

“Popping” sound when they fucked their way through it.

Well, it is pushed off to the other corner of the room, sticking up like the inverted rib cage

of some cow that died in the desert a hundred years ago.

The mirror over the dresser is hanging like a diamond from one nail, and even from clear

across the room he can see the tangled mess of face, hand and ass prints on the glass.

He laughs to himself, for even he can’t figure out how the ass prints got on the mirror, but

he wonders what the ass prints on top of the black lacquer dresser must look like.

“Now this is what a bedroom is supposed to look like.” He laughs and takes another drag

off of both cigarettes as Jennifer enters the room.

She is naked, still a little sweaty, bite marks pepper her neck and chest. There are some

small bruises on her thighs that resemble fingerprints. The rug burns on her knees are so bad they

are beginning to weep the light pink mix of blood and serous fluid that would usually accompany

second degree burns from, let’s say, fire.

Hot coals.

Electric stove.

Car cigarette lighter.

She is carrying two beers in each hand and kicking a pillow into the room as she enters.

“Where’d ya find that,” he asks. “In the hall,” she says as she takes a swig off of both

bottles in her right. hand then dribbles some on her self, chuckling as he says, “ We never even

made it into the fucking hallway.”

She hands him the beers and he notices her back is bleeding a little in a few places as she

bends to pick up the pillow.

“That lamp did a number on your back.”

“And you’re bleeding all over my wall, put this behind you” She hands him the pillow,

takes one of the smokes from his mouth and settles in on his lap as he props the pillow behind

him.

“I asked you to light me a smoke, not smoke it for me.” she finishes the first beer and

puts the butt in the bottle, leaning forward to put it on the nightstand.

“It’s not my fault you took so long,.” chugging the remains of his first beer and following

in turn with the butt. She lifts up a little to allow him to turn and place his bottle on the

nightstand. As she sits back down on his lap, he slips, full, right back inside of her. They both

smile but pretend not to notice as they drink.

“So, what do you want to do tonight? Catch a movie, go dancing, take a ride to the

beach?”

She leans forward, takes the beer from his hand, drops it and hers off the side of the bed,

grabs him by his hair, whispers in his ear, “Shut up and fuck me,” and pulls him over on top of

her.

 

– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe
EMAIL: FunkyGorillaFist@hotmail.com

 

Writing Staff

 

adamAdam Dulski

I was born and raised in Buffalo New York, but wisely adopted the 49ers as my team at the very smart age of 6. Even though I now live in the Finger Lakes, I maintain my season tickets to the Buffalo Bandits of the National Lacrosse League. Fantasy football and fantasy NASCAR are my two biggest hobbies and I treat them that way. The moment you are not having fun playing fantasy is when you need to stop, because it’s supposed to be fun before anything else.

TWITTER: @adamdulski


damianDamian Mikrut

I never take anything too seriously. I am an avid baseball and hockey fan, but never seem to pick the winners. Worried about the pussification of America and believe we are raising a nation of wimps who believe we owe them something without having to actually earn it. Borderline alcoholic with a huge passion for craft beer and even spend my free time trying to brew the perfect drink myself. I am opinionated on many subjects and I never shy away from sharing my thoughts even if they aren’t part of the popular opinion. I grew up in the shadows of the Hamptons on the island of Long and now live in the birthplace of the chicken wing. I spend six months out the year hibernating from the cold winter weather with my computer while constantly dreaming of warmer days on the beach. Living the working class dream with my wife and two kids, oh and a cat. This is the first time I have put my thoughts to paper, so now you have been warned.

TWITTER: @nyislanders19


cameronCameron Blevins

I’m a 24 year old Radio DJ/Producer in Huntington, Wv. I have the widest musical taste of anyone I’ve ever known. I can go from Sinatra to Slayer, Alan Jackson to Jackson Browne, Steve Miller to Steve Earl and literally everything in between. I fancy myself a modern Gentleman with tastes in fine cigars, aged whiskey, my personal library and my vinyl collection. I also, obviously, love to write. I have short fiction that’s been published in the Blue Monday Review and I write a restaurant review blog at tristate-eats.blogspot.com. With talents in A/V editing, DJing, Writing and much more- I’m a self proclaimed future Media Mogul. Enjoy my rantings.

TWITTER: @CamOnAir


hughHugh Hamilton

Hey! My name is Hugh and apart from writing for Stuff Dudes Like, I’m a backpacker, vagabond, and travel blogger at risingroads.com. I originally hail from County Down in Northern Ireland. I left home in 2003 and have been traveling off and on ever since. Although I’ve been to many countries, I’m not what you might call a ‘country-counter’: I prefer to take things slow and immerse myself in the local culture. I offer travel tips and advice, but my main focus is telling funny stories and relating experiences. In the finest tradition of Irish storytellers, I may be prone to exaggeration.

TWITTER: @therisingroads


mattMatt Mollett

YO! Everyones favorite werewolf from the heart land here, Matt Mollett AKA the Wolfking. Im 33 years old and I have been writing short stories my whole life, or at least the parts I could lol. I have been a welder for the biggest part of my life. I have a very this is my opinion and i don’t care if you like it attitude. I have a love of underground hip hop, movies, the supernatural,and self defense. Plus many other things that we will talk about later. So for now i bid you farewell.

TWITTER: @therealwolfking


dakotaDakota Wheatley

yo i make people laugh

TWITTER: @dakotawheatley


liseetLiseet Mata

My name is Liseet Mata and I’m from Venezuela. I love writing. I just published my first book and I’m writing the second. I also write daily on my website. The first time I typed a word onto a computer, I experience a feeling of wellbeing. It was as if the puzzle piece that had been missing all my life, had finally been found. Create your own destiny.

TWITTER: @Liseetmata


katKathryn Morris

​I’m Kat, I’m 20 and from the UK. I love writing stories, reading and playing guitar. I have also created a website called The Bailey Helpline, designed to offer support and advice on anything. I’m currently an English Language and Literature student at the Open University and I enjoy writing blog posts that help, educate, or at least comfort others.

TWITTER: @katmorris20


ron2Ron George

My name is Ron George, and I am a lifelong nerd. I grew up with comic books and pretty much anything related to Star Wars. I’m damn proud of my nerdy background, because I feel like it gives me a unique perspective on life and the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a virgin living in my parents’ basement. I love a good, dark beer; a well-aged scotch, and a fine cigar. I’m a hockey fan (Go Pens!). I’m an aspiring novelist and hope to have my first book published by the end of 2015.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter or to check out my blog!

TWITTER: @ronsense64


morganMorgan Alexander Kosinski

When I was in the 4th grade, we were all forced to stand in the front of the class and tell everyone what we did that summer. I got so nervous, I farted half way through my report and started crying. That’s kinda how I feel trying to write this bio…So I’ll just say this. I super promise I know what I’m talking about. #Truth

I’m also the Social Media Director at Patrick Henry Creative Promotions @TEAMPHCP. Follow us on Twitter, FB and Instagram and change your life. Cheers!

TWITTER: @TEAMPHCP


2girlsStorm & Lasuzaca

We are Storm & Lasuzaca! We are here on Stuff Dudes Like to share our adventures in travel, music, food, and more. We live in Sarasota, FL and love exploring… from mangrove tunnels and islands off the coast in our kayak, to biking trails and visiting camping sites, to underwater adventures swimming with manatee, and more. We both love soccer and play recreationally on a team most of the year. A few of our favorite teams are USA, Brazil, Barcelona, Spain, Netherlands, and our local favorite the Tampa Bay Rowdies! We love living life to the fullest, taking it one day at a time. We look forward to sharing our adventures with you! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter – @stormnlasuzaca

TWITTER: @stormnlasuzaca


chrisbovaChris Bova

I am a stay at home brew dad by trade. Four kids and a wife leaves little time for a myriad of activities so I chose one that would best fill I the down time. Brewing beer! I’ve been brewing beer for three years now and just recently began writing a blog about the experience. I’m looking forward to sharing my knowledge with the SDL readers.

TWITTER: @cebova


drjDr. James J Frey

Dr. Frey lives in Lutz, Florida with his wife and best friend, Brandie. Their three children have visited more countries than many Americans have visited States, and their open-minded curiosity is the source of great pride and laughter for the Freys. Jim enlisted in the Army National Guard at 17 while still in high school in Fairfax, VA, then went into the Navy where he served four years as an enlisted Aviation Electrician making multiple deployments on several aircraft carriers. At the end of his enlistment he went to college and upon graduation worked for the Japanese Embassy teaching English at a very rural high school in Miyakonojo, Japan. Granted an age waiver, he re-entered the Navy from Japan, attended Officer Candidate School in Pensacola, FL, then went through Fixed- and Rotary-Wing Flight School in Whiting Field (next to Pensacola), followed by MH-60S Knighthawk helicopter training in San Diego, CA. Jim served as a Naval Helicopter Pilot for 12 years. In his spare time, he earned two Master’s Degrees (Philosophy and Psychology) and a PhD in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Jim is the recipient of over 37 personal and unit awards/citations from the U.S. Army, U.S. Air Force, U.S. Navy, U.S. Coast Guard, and United States Marine Corps, including the Bronze Star.

TWITTER: @jamesjfrey


erikErik Steckis

My name is Erik Steckis. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I was born and bred on Long Island, went to college at Bryant University (Go Bulldogs!) and I’m now married, living in CT, working as an Auditor and I just finished my Masters of Science in Accounting from the University of Connecticut (Go Huskies!). I’m a huge sports fan. The teams I support (in no particular order): Yankees, Rangers, Manchester City, New York City FC, Knicks, and those J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! I’m always happy to have a spirited conversation with anyone that agrees or disagrees with those choices. I also love video games and you’ll often find me in my man-cave on my PS4 (my PSN ID is DXFlounder if you want to add me). One of my biggest passions is professional wrestling. I’ve been a fan for 20+ years through the ups, downs and everything in between and I’m excited to tell you all about it. I can also quote The Simpsons and Seinfeld like nobody’s business. I’ll be looking to bring the funny to Stuff Dudes Like, so thanks for stopping by San Diego (but mainly, stay classy).

TWITTER: @ESteckis


trishTrish C.

Hi, I’m Trish. I’m super excited to be writing for Stuff Dudes Like. So a few things about me. I love travel, music, and writing and incorporate all three in my concert blog, traveltomusic.net. I especially like taking really short trips to far away places. I’m from Canada so I like hockey and beer and being polite but I now live in Northern California so I also like wine and saying “rad.” And trees… totally love trees.

TWITTER: @imtrishpie


MatashaMatasha Lee

Hi, my name is Matasha. I was born on the dusty road of 34 at the local hospital in Terrell, Tx. Many emerging artists and dreamers have grown from this very land, most famous is Jamie Foxx. My desire through writing, fashion, and music is to chase my dream just like he did and go off to developing a new name for myself, but right now I am a struggling writer who just received a job since 2010 by the grace of God. I love writing and it is one of my passions. I have two rooting fans that will stay in my audience if I ever get booed off the stage of life, my son and daughter, Amelia and Sean. They are Mommy’s heart beat. I have a blog that is growing from the soils of the earth like my story: The Beauty of my story. I have a ton of content on my blog that will help the fellow reader to walk a mile in my shoes while learning their own shoe size. I am a daughter, a sister, older and younger, an auntie, girlfriend but most of all, myself. Follow my story thebeautyofmystory.blogspot.com. Make sure you share my articles. Thank you!

TWITTER: @thebeautyofmyst


fabianFabian Malone

Hi my name is Fabian Malone. I’m from the Washington DC area. Iam a cocktail craftsman, Bar consultant & Magicians apprentice! I believe that the cocktails we drink should be made with quality spirits and the freshest ingredients. I don’t believe in artificially flavored spirits. I pay homage to classic craft cocktails as well as creating new cocktails for today. Craft cocktails taste best when made with passion and excitement. But above all else — a craft cocktail must be fun to drink! Capital’s, Celtic’s, Redskins, Oriole’s, & Nat’s DC United. #RoninBartender

TWITTER: @RoninBartender


ZenaeZenae Zukowski

Fellow dudes and dudettes, I am Zenae Zukowski and I wear many glorious hats. Not only do I write for Stuffdudeslike, but music has consumed me and I write for Crypticrock and I’m building my own Music Publication. You should call me a creative being and know that I love to passionately get my hands dirty with writing screenplays, articles, stories, and poetry. I have been in the Broadcast/Media industry for ten years now, specializing in Post Production and Distribution. The journey doesn’t stop there, I also do photo retouching, event photography and Project Management. Phew! Why wonder I am tired! My earthly self loves animals, traveling, and you’re favorite, vegetarianism. If you like my humor and quirky mind, feel free to follow me on Twitter or like me on Facebook.

TWITTER: @Zenaefilmz


peterPeter Greenwood

Peter Greenwood is a writer and broadcaster from Scotland, with an unnaturally unhealthy obsession with US late night TV. He likes comics, video games and various other things of which he can talk about at length. Whether you want him to or not.

TWITTER: @Gappits


coupeJoe “Coupe” Ricupero

Hi, my name is Joe Ricupero but I go by Coupe. I’m a 17 year old junior in High School. I grew up in Brooklyn until recently moving to Long Island. I’m an avid sports fan and a fan of the New York Rangers, New York Giants, Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Yankees. I aspire to one day be a broadcaster, a dream of mine since I was a kid and this is the first step of many in my road to something big.

TWITTER: @coupeNYR


anthonyAnthony Pepe

Anthony F. Pepe is a poet, a painter, a power-lifting music producer, pugilist, playwright, part time philosopher, book-binder, baker, bodyguard web-builder. A spoken-word soothsaying security expert, sketch artist, sculptor. A domestic violence awareness activist and a mixologist, martial artist mechanic.

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe


jrJuan Reyes

I am a US Army Veteran, part-time graphic designer, part-time photographer. My journey into the world of photography began as a graphic designer and photo retoucher/enhancer many years ago in Puerto Rico. I did graphic design for photographers for almost twenty years and worked hand to hand with many model agencies and hired and/or freelance photographers. Now I own a small home photo studio in Clermont, Florida. My main goal is to help talented aspiring models get their names out. Why am I here on Stuff Dudes Like? To bring you photos of models and interviews about who they are, where they’ve been, and their dreams and plans for the future. You know: Stuff Dudes Like!!!

TWITTER: @jrrcphotography


jennyJenny Ainslie-Turner

Undoubtedly, a sex chat girl of too many years and yet, I still can’t get enough of it. It is so diverse and at the same time so entertaining I never tire of it. I have even written a book on my life as a sex chat girl, ‘How to Talk Dirty – A Hands on Guide to Phone Sex’. I have been training girls in the art of talking dirty for the past 3 years and have even starred in my own TV documentary, ‘My Phone Sex Secrets’.
Since which, I have been interviewed on a popular daytime TV show, done several Radio interviews and at one time had a regular guest spot on Fubar radio. An uncensored, internet station on which the first week I talked about buggering the male presenter.

I have done countless magazine interviews including, Mayfair and Escort’s men’s mags. I have even been part of a relationship advice panel for a large UK newspaper. Also, have written articles for Rude Magazine, a female based online mag.

I have since written a second book, a fiction novel about auto-erotic asphyxiation and based around the life of a sex chat girl who is taken over by the alter ego she created to take the more bizarre and depraved sex chat. Entitled, Will You be My Fantasy? Some say it should have been called, ‘Death by Pussy!’ Well, it’s what you guys crave the most.

I have been married twice, worn them out. Now single, free and able to just explore. And, because of this I have started a new adventure. It’s taking recorded stories into the 21st century, phone sex downloads. I call them iwanks, a bit like itunes only much dirtier. You can download a very naughty sex chat, recorded by me on to your mobile and use me whenever those spunk filled balls need emptying!

TWITTER: @iwank4u2


TOMTom Romero

Tom Romero is an actor, musician, reluctant producer, long suffering husband, and occasional storm chaser. He’s acted with Dennis Quaid, opened for Pine Top Perkins, and has witnessed over 30 tornadoes. He dreams of free beer, desert islands, and a broadway show. He writes for no audience at The Uncommon Man blog. theuncommonman.nyc

TWITTER: @TomRomero2


naiaQuincy Bailey

A 40 year old father of one just trying to guide my little man down a better and less bumpy path than his old man. I consider myself a college football know it all. I’m the equivalent of a hipster football fan. “My favorite player, you’ve never heard of him”. Grew up on a farm and was able to subsidize my education through football and yes the college I played at you’ve never heard of. I wasn’t what you would call a Division One talent. Actually played for Rich Rodriquez for a short period of time in the spread before it had a name. Grew up in West Virginia and Ohio, yet remain an avid fan and supporter of WVU.

Money Quote:
“When you tell somebody somethin’, it depends on what part of the country you’re standin’ in… as to just how dumb you are.” – Bo Darville – AKA The Bandit

TWITTER: @southwvboy


brettBrett Martzke

Brett Martzke is a TV sports veteran. Over the past 20 years he has worked at the Golf Channel, CNN Sports, Fox Sports Net, TVG and NBC Sports. You name the sports event, he has covered it. As an avid sports lover he was even crazy enough to follow a lifelong dream and open up a Sports Bar. Once that dream started to turn into a nightmare, Brett realized writing about and covering sports events was better than working in a kitchen, taking orders at a register and hoping to catch a glance at a TV while running Buffalo wings out to a table. Brett’s big sports achievement is that he is the self-proclaimed carnival basketball shooting champion. If there is a big stuffed animal on the line, Brett will win it.

TWITTER: @brettmartzke


ericpEric Peinhaupt

My name is Eric Peinhaupt, I’m 23 and raised in Alberta,Canada at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. I do everything from fly fishing to building cars. I’m all about getting out there and experiencing life! Aspiring writer and BBQ pit master. I’m also the owner of European Auto Union, a car enthusiast page on Instagram. (@europeanautounion) I love a tall glass of craft beer, and all things BBQ. If you’re into cooking, drinking and outdoor life, my articles and photographs will not disappoint!

TWITTER: @ericpeinhaupt


ajA.J. DeMello

A.J. DeMello is a stand-up comedian/actor located in California. An avid sports fan, he’s written for sites such as Bleacher Report & Thoughts From The Dark Side, but will be given the freedom here to mix in the funny – no matter how unflattering he may seem to the average dummy. Born & raised in the Bay Area, he doesn’t pull any punches; having developed a sense of humor one might describe as, ‘edgy’. He appears regularly at comedy clubs such as Tommy T’s, Laughs Unlimited, and The World Famous Comedy Store. Peep his blog for upcoming show dates and see if he’ll soon be in your town. If you keep up with his articles, you’ll eventually want to see his act in person rather than not see him at all. Why? As he puts it: “It’s a Good Game of Ball.”

TWITTER: @humorousfiend


jeffhJeff Hillyard

Jeff Hillyard is an aspiring freelance blogger, content writer, and recipe developer specializing in all things BBQ and Grilling.
From true low and slow barbecue, to hot and fast grilling, to even healthy meals there is nothing Jeff does not like to cook on the grill.

TWITTER: @bbqwithjeff


SantanuSantanu Rahman

Santanu Rahman is a Metal guitarist, A Kung-Fu School Owner, a practitioner of Gracie Jiu Jitsu, and a podcaster.

TWITTER: @austinkungfu


timTim Buckley

Hi everyone I’m Tim Buckley, born and bred near to Nottingham in the UK. Currently serving in the Forces and have many deployments under my belt. I love sport and I’m a huge Liverpool FC fan, boxing, UFC, Basketball and any kind of lifting are my passions. My other hobbies are socializing, eating out, travelling and cooking. Writing for Stuff Dudes Like is going to be a good laugh indeed, I will say it how I see it! Looking forward to writing many articles.

TWITTER: @BigBuckersYNWA


martinMartin Phillips

Hey Dudes! I am Martin Phillips. I am a sixth grade teacher by day in Lodi, California, the Zinfandel capital of the world, and a kickass home cook by night. Okay, I am inside my own mind, at least. You can decide for yourself, however, and check out my food blog at inhousecook.blogspot.com and watch for my recipes HERE at StuffDudesLike.com! I have been a sixth grade teacher for fifteen years, so Nothing scares me! I have been a home cook for twelve years and have entered the small in-home catering market this last year. It has been an amazing ride and I cannot wait to share my recipes with you. I am a firm believer that bacon, pork belly, tacos, pizza, pasta and burgers should be food groups. BBQ is Heaven. Need I say more? Okay fine, I am good with the veggies, too! I cook a wide variety of dishes, from Asian Infusion to traditional carne asada and carnitas, to buffalo burgers, to elegant pastas and rustic pizzas. Look me up and give me a shout!

TWITTER: @grnmn1


fernandoFernando Martin

I have been born and raised in the Chicago area all my life. Music is the biggest passion in my life aside from beer, good eateries, movies and even settling down to indulge in a great read once in a while. I also write for the music review website, WeLoveMetal, where I review albums, concerts and conduct interviews with many musicians. Those who know me well know if you want to hit my softspot, you’ll mention animals and pets. I’m also currently going to school for music business hoping to work for the music industry one day soon. I look forward to interacting with the SDL staff and our fans! Hit me up!

TWITTER: @WeLoveMetalFern


nancyNancy Brown Lady Barber

I was born in Berkeley, California before the Summer of Love. When it came I was old enough to know that I lived in a very special place in a very special time. Dang that I was not old enough to attend any of the cool stuff.

We are native Californians for three generations on my mother’s side of the family. Before that, Norway. Dad’s people were Oakies who fled the dust bowl in the ‘30s and ended up in Solano County.

For nearly 20 years I was a law librarian for private law firms in Oakland, California. Quit that in 2006 for the much groovier trade of barbering. Nowadays I groom gentlemen for a living and paint (in oil) Oakland, its people and trees. I also garden and cat whisper when necessary.

TWITTER: @LadyBarberBrown


RomaineRomaine Ayoki Burrell

Romaine Ayoki Burrell is my name. I am student of the world. I am from St. Andrew, Jamaica. Waaah Gwaaan massive? (what’s up world/people?). I love to travel and live like a local. I am a food addict. My biggest goal apart from owning my fortune 500 company(yeah I am ambitious) is to see every country in the world two times over. I write on anything I please, even if its taboo. Looking forward to writing for you all.

TWITTER: @ayokiromaine


brianBrian Kaider

As a patent and trademark attorney, I get to work with a lot of interesting start-up companies and see fascinating new products. Whenever possible, I love to combine my work with the things that I’m passionate about, like craft beer, motorcycles, lacrosse, and woodworking. But, after a day of staring at a computer or talking on the phone, I need to work with my hands. So, you’ll often find me building something in my workshop, making pens, changing the exhaust on my Suzuki Boulevard M109R, growing hops to make my own beer, or cooking up something spicy in the kitchen and never from a recipe. At the end of the day, I’ll grab a nice porter and watch pro football or college lacrosse, where I’m rooting for the Baltimore Ravens or Towson Tigers (or whoever is playing against Johns Hopkins), respectively.

TWITTER: @bkaider


Logo