Football… Sorry! – Soccer

Well, I guess there’s probably no better time to talk about Soccer than having recently heard the news that impressive English football (Sorry! – soccer) star Steven Gerrard is moving to the USA to pursue a career under one of the what seems like three teams in the US that actually has the money to spend on football players that have gone stale in English football. That’s right! Soccer isn’t just the sport that you drop your ten year old daughter off at on weekends! After the US played far, far better than the UK in the World Cup, maybe soccer might be a growing sport in the US, especially with big names trying desperately to scrape up the shattered remains of their career in a way that might be well compared to trying to catch rain in a sieve. But if you like sports and beer it might be well within your interest to go to one of the local games (Again, apologies if you live in the 96% of the country that doesn’t play the sport yet!) I’ve been to as many games as possible at my local team, and even though I support a club that find it hard to grasp even the basics of playing a sport that children in school play, there’s something about the atmosphere that is somewhat enjoyable. It should be noted, however, that i’m fully aware that this effect could just be the beer… It’s hard to tell.



Plus, it’s far far easier to follow than American football, and the only real breaks in play occur when a player decides to fling himself furiously to the floor and grab a part of his body that hasn’t even been touched.


Maybe it’s something that you’ll enjoy. I know that the various 50 year old men that stand behind me in the stands yelling insults at the referees and players certainly enjoy it, despite what they seem to say, but on a good day these people are drowned out by the loud roar of a hopefully happy crowd.

Ultimately though, the sport seems to be a growing interest in the US which is fantastic, helped along by big names like David Beckham, who became world known for the ability to curve a ball in mid flight, an achievement that must surely require more skill than it sounds, or Steven Gerrard, who is now known in the UK for slipping during a game and giving the opposition team the possession that would ultimately completely ruin his chances of finishing the season at the top of the table (Which many would call a mild inconvenience, but given how long it has been since his team last did so, he and all their fans referred to it as a massive cluster-fuck.) But the games do have a certain edge to it, something that makes people pay ridiculous amounts for the ability to watch these games. It’s not like the games break any boundaries as far as originality goes, but there are moments that I find unrivaled in other sports, like when the manager of one of the best teams in the world recently called ‘Queens Park Rangers’ “Queens Park Raisins” in a post game interview, completely unaware that he had basically called a sports team a shriveled grape and not their actual name, or when one of the players on the team I support kissed an opposition player that was squaring up to him not once, but twice, to “break the tension”. As a result, the opposition player got a yellow card. Figure that one out. Not to mention the Twitter hashtags that go around, including “ChristmasFootballNames” Which changed the names of well known players to reflect the Christmas season, for example; ‘Christian Benteke’ got changed to ‘Christian Benturkey’ which, having wrote that, now seems completely unfunny, but i’m sure there are others that are better.

Besides, there’s nowhere else now that you can meet the new signings, and yes, I’m talking about Steven Gerrard himself, and genuinely have no actual idea what he’s talking about. (I’m serious, look it up.) The Liverpool accent, particularly where Steven is concerned, is the perfect embodiment of someone ripping off their genitalia and shoving it down their throat. Then again, I come from the only area of the country with an even worse accent. But if you’re still not persuaded, then there’s also beer and food. Now if that’s not a good enough reason to at least try and watch one of Europe’s finest, and simultaneously most ridiculous sports then there is no reason to do anything.

Seriously. Beer and food.

And sport.

But mainly beer and food.

– Jack Wichard

Follow Me: @JackWichard