The Travel Bore

If there is such thing as a travel community, the Travel Bore permeates every level of it. She (it is often a ‘she’, though travel verbosity is not exclusive to the sex) has been found in every hostel, hotel, beach hut and long­tail boat at one point or another.

If you travel long enough and far enough there is no escaping her clutches. Some travel to find themselves. But unless they do so before leaving behind the familiar streets and thoroughfares of the place they call home, they will surely find the Travel Bore first.

The Travel Bore is likely to have found herself already in some faraway, exotic place that is, of course, much more far away and much more exotic than the current locale in which she attempts to regale you. To death.

If, for you, travel is a profound personal journey of inner and outer discovery, so too for the Travel Bore. So long as her journey is more profound, more personal, and have more discoverable innards and outtards than yours.

If you have been where she has been, you’re sure to have missed what she has seen. And on that rather poetic note, here’s my little ditty in honour of that most irritating traveller:

The Travel Bore

Upon my travels I do meet
The type of being to make you weep
They regale those far and near
Any soul with an ear
Of where they’ve been
And what they’ve done
Till you wished you had a gun
(But whom to shoot, to blow away
Would it matter, you or they?)

“I’ve done all of France and East Timor
I’ve done the pyramids and more
I’ve done the Kremlin, the Taj Mahal
Done tea with the Queen in old Pall Mall
I’ve climbed the world’s highest peak
(Cos it’s thrills I always seek)
Done it one morning in a vest
What was its name
Oh, Everest!
I’ve done…what?… do you yawn?
Have you done the Grand Canyon?”

At last a chance to finally talk
But what to say I should not mock
And so I smile and gently say
With as much respect as I can pay
“No, not as yet, I can’t compete
I have but one pair of feet”

Now ‘tis a sin to be rude
But this my thought as I brood:
“I go for pleasure and for fun
To visit places, not have them done
You’ve done them all, you travel bore
But please, for me, do one more”




– Hugh Hamilton
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