Archives for August2015

Funky Gorilla Fist – Chapter 9




There are things that human eyes can bear witness to that they were never meant

to be exposed to. Images they were never built to interpret and convey to brain

cells that weren’t built, designed, or programmed to comprehend such images. Things that will

forever make everything else look a little greyer. Things that will make your comprehension of

all further events duller, and pale by comparison.

The images alone of such events can harden forever your interpretation of,

what’s right or wrong

acceptable or deranged.

Events that henceforth on will set the bar higher when comparing new experiences to determine

the level at which they lay.

The events that followed the beeper call weren’t such events, not by a long shot. But we

will get to that in a moment.

First we will speak about an event that made it possible for you to carry out the actions

that followed that beeper call with such cold hearted precision.

What happened this one night is something that you have tried real hard to forget, but to

no avail.

It was a Tuesday night and you show up at the club at 4:30 a.m. for a little after hours

partying. You always show up at the club on Tuesday, after hours, after eight hours of partying at

various ladies’ nights in the area.

So you head around the back of the parking lot towards the back door. You work your

way past the dumpsters, around the mountain of empty kegs, and are greeted by a sight that can’t

be rightfully described in great detail.

You see what appears to be a person laying on the floor with 1, 2 and 4 standing over it

with bats.

The next thing that you notice is that it is,



and undulating in a most unnatural way.

It is making the most terrifying sound you have ever heard.

Now, contrary to what anybody else has ever tried to tell you, there is no accurate way to

describe what

death throes look like,

a death rattle sounds like.

You’ve seen death before.

Ugly, dirty death.

Swift and concise death.

But you never imagined anything like this ever existed,

It seems that this person-like thing was a guy that hit on Bobby’s fuck of the week and

then told Bobby to go fuck himself when he was asked to leave.

It also seems that they finished beating it about 3 minutes and 17 seconds ago. You know

this because 4 has been counting out the time since you walked up.




They are getting very excited now, as they took bets on how long it was gonna survive.

They put up a grand, apiece.

1 on 4 minutes

2 on 6 minutes

4 on 10 minutes

“4 minutes and 11 seconds.” and 1 goes back inside.

It is still moving.

“6 minutes and 9 seconds” and 2 goes back inside.

Still making that noise, you think, “Make it stop”

At 7 minutes 32 seconds, 4 hands you the watch.”Fuck it, I guess I won already, but let

me know if it makes the 10 minute mark.” He goes inside.

At 8 minutes 45 seconds it flips over and the sounds get worse.

If it was a dog, you’d put it down.

If it was a horse, you’d shoot it.

You pick up a bat, take a rough guess at where it’s occipital bone should be, and

hit the off switch.

You go in and tell the boys, “9 minutes flat.”

You don’t say anything else, and as you are walking out, 1 and 2 are counting out 4’s


You never look at the world with the same eyes again.





– Anthony Pepe

TWITTER: @AnthonyMFPepe
FACEBOOK: anthonyfpepe

DudeLine Ep. 19

We here at Stuff Dudes Like are always interested in trying new things and taking chances on fresh new ideas.

When Dakota Wheatley came to us with the idea of a late night talk show monologue on a website, we jumped at the idea! So without further adieu… Heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Dakota!!!




– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley
FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73

That Brady Thing


 Image Credit: CBS

At first blush, it seemed Tom Brady’s four game suspension would be upheld.

However, it appears as though Brady will not go so easily into the wife.

Tom Brady and the NFL Players Association filed a lawsuit against the NFL in federal court to lift the 4-game suspension, and are waiting the decision of Judge Richard Berman come September 4th.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell wants to uphold the suspension, especially after it was discovered that Tom Brady had his phone destroyed.

The same phone that he refused to turn over, that contained over 10,000 texts.

What’s funny is, Brady didn’t even destroy the phone himself. His assistant destroyed it while Tom sipped his chamomile tea and drew pictures of frowns.

“The league has no hard evidence,” Kraft says. “I’ve come to the conclusion that this was never about doing what was right or just.”

Tom got serious about his stance and took to Facebook:

“We even contacted the phone company to see if there was any possible way we could retrieve any/all of the actual text messages from my old phone.”

Really, dude? You DESTROYED your phone.


 Image Credit:

Well, actually, someone with a little more balls did, but had your phone destroyed and didn’t tell anyone about it for months.

So ugh, yeah. If I’m Tom Brady, I’d be thinking about how easy I may be really getting off here (and it’s not because I watch my wife get with the pool guy).

“To suggest that I destroyed a phone to avoid giving the NFL information it requested is completely wrong,” Brady said.

Notice how he says A phone – already distancing himself from it?

Yes, A phone was destroyed.

Brady’s agent, Don Yee, had to explain why Tom would do such an irreverent thing; like hurt an object that could very well be giving him testicular cancer.

Digesting how things unfolded, you come across a couple of interesting things..

First for Brady, it was withholding evidence. Then – destroying it. And the Patriots actually have the audacity to claim they’re innocent after that? I’m sorry, but Tom Brady is no Joe Pesci, and not everyone is so convinced.

The NFL already offered to reduce Brady’s suspension if he would just admit his wrongdoing, and he declined. Which I like, because maybe Brady shouldn’t get off so easy.

Brady should say no to two games less and say YES to Pete Rose introducing him as ‘the model citizen’ before throwing a deflated ball at his nutts. That’d be a good game of ball, dude.

“Tom Brady is a person with great integrity,” Robert Kraft says.
“Personally, this is very sad and disappointing.”

Like the Patriots not having a diamond asterisk on their championship ring(s)?

There’s a chance that Brady is innocent, and that the documents his party sent to the league that apparently contain those texts are all there, and inspected clean.

There’s also a chance that I’ll be able to levitate when I yoga.

The NFLPA is hellbent on changing the outcome here, and there are some legitimate questions that remain for some, like why NFL commissioner Roger Goodell didn’t interview Patriots official locker room attendant Jim McNally and equipment assistant John Jestremski about their involvement in the deflation(s)?

Well, the NFLPA explained that since both men denied any involvement in the deflation of footballs, there was, “no need to call them as witnesses.”

The NFL then concluded that “their testimony would have confirmed Brady’s involvement”.

Let’s say Goodell had called Jestremski and McNally, and they don’t snitch on Brady. Then, Goodell doesn’t really have a case. Goodell NOT calling them gave him more reason to uphold Brady’s four game suspension without having to rely on ‘ball science’.

There is truly some shadiness going on for both sides, however. Tom Brady being disciplined under the “Gameday operations manual” policy, which has never been made available to players, isn’t exactly fair – but interesting. That’s for sure.

Long story short: the NFL is getting Brady for conduct detrimental to the integrity of the game (AND – they called his kid fat).

The NFLPA thinks that the NFL can’t impose a suspension for these cheating violations.

Meanwhile, the NFL thinks that the NFLPA should STFU.

Goodell is apparently doing some things right, at least if you ask Hall-Of-Famer (former Raiders scout & executive) Ron Wolf: “Way to go on that Brady thing,” Wolf said to Goodell during his Hall Of Fame jacket presentation.

Goodell could barely contain his laughter.

Not all think Brady is guilty. Even some `political’ people have come out to defend him.

“I think it’s ridiculous the way they’ve treated him,” Donald Trump said. “He’s a friend of mine..”


 Image Credit:

Well, that just makes everything Tom Brady may or may have not been involved in rather OK, doesn’t it?

September 4th is a big day. Judge Richard Berman will have made his decision whether or not to overturn Roger Goodell’s four game suspension for Brady. However, Article 46 of the NFL’s collective bargaining agreement gives Goodell the power to hear appeals, and unless the circumstances are so extreme, a federal court cannot intervene with Goodell’s decision.

In other words: Apple Sauce bitch.

Brady’s attorney Jeffrey Kessler submitted in court a list of 18 arbitration’s dating back to 1970 that have been overturned in the same court system hearing Brady’s lawsuit (Southern District of New York and Second Circuit). It’s cute, but it doesn’t mean it’ll give Judge Berman a big enough woody to bounce the ball in Brady’s favor.

Although reports have surfaced that the Judge is leaning towards exonerating Brady, not wanting to kneel to the Commissioner and all. Plus, to be one of the few Judges to overturn an arbitration in this court system while giving the NFL the finger in the process must seem rather satisfying.

Some questions remain unanswered.

If Brady is exonerated, what if more damning evidence comes out against him in the future? Does Judge Berman want to be the guy that got it wrong after initially being perceived as the guy that got it right?

What will actually happen to Tom Brady?

Will he be suspended four games? Will he just serve one game? Or none?

Who can he appease to clean the asterisk dust from his thumbs?

Who knows…just don’t do something stupid, NFL fans; like asking Tom Brady to hold your phone.

Excuse me – A phone.

I’d hate to get too touchy when talking about Tom Brady; a man being paid a King’s ransom to place his hands under another man’s sack to grab balls deflated to his liking.

Supposedly, at least.



– A.J. DeMello

TWITTER: @humorousfiend

It’s Bristol Baby!


 Image Credit:

This is it, 500 LAPS. 500 points up for grabs just between laps lead and fastest laps. We must nail the top names to scoop up as many of those as possible. This race Saturday night will have a huge influence on how you finish in your league for the season believe it or not.

Kyle Larson – Super fast in both practices and has been on a roll, this finally may be it. Cheap and a dark horse pick for the win.

Kyle Busch – May be the best driver in modern times at this track, actually no, he IS the best Bristol driver.

Kurt Busch – Kyle’s brother isn’t bad here either.

Martin Truex –  You have him cheap, you’re keeping him.

Matt Kenseth – On a roll, may be a great play again.

Speed on the cheap: We have 2, this week. Justin Algaier and David Ragan are both under $11 and both have posted some fantastic 10 lap averages. Can’t go wrong either way.

Caution: If you miss the guy that leads the most lap in this race, you’re in trouble. Those named above give you the best chance at having him in your lineup by far.

Ideal Lineup:

Kyle Busch

Kurt Busch

Martin Truex

Kyle Larson

David Ragan




– Adam Dulski

Twitter: @adamdulski


Quick Beer Reviews

Southern Tier Brewing Co.
Mokah – American Imperial Ale/ Dbl. Stout

ABV. 10% IBU. 50

-Although I am not a huge fan of stouts, I definitely have to give Southern Tier an “A” for effort in the flavor department. The hints of coffee and chocolate are spot on. This brew has a very bitter aftertaste and is a bit strong.


Hamburg Brewing Co.
IPA – American IPA

ABV. 6%

-A great time IPA. A bit of a sweet caramel roast, not too bitter. A very smooth taste, goes great with a good steak or fish. Also recommend with bar food and pick ons.


Southern Tier Brewing Co.
2xIPA – Imperial/ Double IPA

ABV. 8.2% IBU. 60

-Extra hoppy but smooth for a dbl. IPA. Goes great with summer BBQ’s. Easy to drink for an IPA fan and gets the job done with an 8.2% ABV. Don’t let the IBU of 60 fool you…it isn’t as bitter as it seams.


Southern Tier Brewing Co.
Live – American Pale Ale

ABV. 5.5%

-One of my favorite “everyday” beers, Live has a very crisp refreshing taste. A great hoppy bitterness along with a light body and hints of citrus & grapefruit. Perfect summertime Ale and my personal favorite beer for camping trips, it’s a staple at our cottage. Do yourself a favor and grab a 6 pack if you have yet to try it.



Lake Placid Brewing Co.
Around the Bend – American Pale Ale

ABV. 5.4% IBU. 40

-A hoppy treat from Lake Placid goes great with a good fish fry. Has a good malt flavor with a strong hoppy aftertaste. Looking forward to trying more from Lake Placid.



– Chris Monroe

TWITTER: @turtle868

ONE Buffalo!


The year was 1983, a very important year in Buffalo sports history. On January 23rd, a not quite 2 year old version of me watched a sold out Memorial Auditorium crowd scream and cheer our Sabres to a 5-2 victory over the Winnipeg Jets. This was my first game, my first taste of sports and the excitement that comes with it. We had amazing seats, two rows from the glass, my father says he had to pull me down from the rafters after every crushing body check into the boards. Needless to say I was hooked, the fast pace and high energy was mesmerizing and I couldn’t get enough. I am fortunate enough to have a puck from the game that my dad engraved the date on to commemorate that special moment in time. This same year a very passionate and determined businessman named Terry Pegula said some very special words to his partner, “if I ever have more than two nickels to my name, I’m going to buy the Buffalo Sabres one day”. Who could have fathomed the magnitude of those words three long decades later.

Now lets go to 1985, I am a little bit older and my love for hockey and my Buffalo Sabres is growing stronger with every passing season. Prior to this year my interest in football was limited to playing catch with my dad. See, we are a family of Bills fans and as a rambunctious 4 year old, back to back 2 and 14 seasons didn’t do much for my attention span. However the Chicago Bears playoff games and a Super Bowl victory over the Patriots did peak my interest. I remember very little from way back then but the excitement of my dad, uncles and their friends after every QB sack or crazy run by “sweetness” definitely drew me in. I remember running around the house singing the Super Bowl Shuffle song. This was the start to my love for football. The next few seasons for the Bills were still rough. I remember looking forward to Sundays to yell and cheer on my team but sadly finding interest in something else by halftime because we were losing so bad. It wasn’t until 1988, with our first winning season came a new hero, a hero named Jim Kelly. Kelly’s winning attitude accompanied by the immortal voice of Van Miller was all I needed to bleed red, white and blue for the rest of my life.

Fast forward to T-Peg day, February 22nd, 2011. A typical cold Buffalo day, that is until the news broke that Mr. Pegula has the winning bid to keep our Sabres here in Buffalo where they belong. Just a few short years later the City of Good Neighbors once again gets to celebrate and thank the Pegula family. This time for ensuring that our beloved Buffalo Bills will be a staple of our community for generations to come. Other than the obvious reasons such as economic benefits and the fact that we are the best fans in sports and adore our teams, there are many other reasons that we should be thankful for the Pegula family. They are once again bringing not only our sports teams back to the forefront where they belong, they are also helping to revitalize our great city. They are building two class franchises and filling them with star players that my son and every other kid in Western NY can look up to and root for. I feel for children over the last few decades. Heroes wearing football or hockey jerseys have been few and far between but thanks to Terry and Kim that is all over.

As I sit here writing this story with a smile, I cant help but think about all of the traditions my son and I can start. Sports teaches a lot and as my son approaches his 2nd birthday I am looking forward to him building a love and appreciation for our teams as I did. I feel that sports is a very important factor in the growth and development of our children. So in closing I would like to say cheers to making sports memories with our kids so that some day they can share stories with their kids about how they got to see our great city bring home Super Bowl Rings and Stanley Cups. New heroes like Jack Eichel and Sammy Watkins will go a long way to help make this happen….




 Image Credit:


– Chris Monroe

TWITTER: @turtle868

DudeLine 20th Episode Spectacular!!

Dakota is back with the ‘DudeLine 20th Episode Spectacular!!’ So sit back, relax and prepare to laugh!


Just pretend not to notice that there was no episode 19…



– Dakota Wheatley

Twitter: @dakotawheatley
FaceBook: dakota.wheatley.73

#TNAvsGFW – is it really a “Supershow”?


 Image Credit:

The August 12th (or August 15th if you’re in the UK) episode of Impact Wrestling was billed as a TNA vs GFW “Supershow”. It featured interpromotional matches and TNA Hall of Famer and Global Force Wrestling founder Jeff Jarrett as the man in charge. But can you call it a “Supershow” when one of the two brands represented doesn’t even have a TV deal yet?

But don’t get me wrong, Impact Wrestling is, in my opinion, the best wrestling show on TV each week. TNA has the best bell-to-bell action and some of the most talented wrestlers in the business. This week’s Impact Wrestling was a great show with some amazing action. It was nice to see some fresh blood interacting with the somewhat limited TNA roster and the main event could have easily headlined a pay-per-view. Plus, any time you get to see PJ Black (fka Justin Gabriel in WWE) flying around in a ladder match, it’s a good day to be a wrestling fan!

Just as an FYI, from here on out I wrote this as I was watching so I did take some guesses and what might be to come. Some were right, some were not and some have still yet to materialize.

The night started out with Jeff Jarrett and his GFW talent arriving at the Impact Zone earlier in the day. Jeff, accompanied by his wife Karen, came to the ring and started talking about Bully Ray being attacked backstage last week and how he graciously offered to run Impact for one night because he is so appreciative of getting the hall of fame induction and being able to end his career on his terms with the King of the Mountain match. As a wrestling fan for almost 30 years, I do have to say that I think it’s going to end up being Jeff Jarrett and the GFW guys that laid out Bully Ray.

Jarrett then vacated the title and said a new champ will be crowned tonight, which brought out Eric Young. EY insulted Double J, talked about injuring Kurt Angle and taking the prosthetic leg of Chris Melendez before challenging Jarrett to a match. Jeff said he isn’t a TNA employee so he can kick EY’s butt if he wanted to, but instead put EY in the TNA vs GFW King of the Mountain match for the KOTM title. This led to the GFW guys coming out and attacking EY, which led to TNA guys coming out to attack the invading GFW.


 Image Credit:

After a commercial break, Jeff Jarrett and the GFW wrestlers are shown in the back. Jeff tell them that they are not “invading” TNA and are only here to show what they can do. Again I think Jeff is laying the “nice guy” routine on pretty think, which will lead to a GFW heel turn at some point.


Lei’D Tapa was once a member of the Impact roster and I hope she has learned how to wrestle since her last TNA televised match because she used to be very, very green…. she hasn’t. Luckily Kong is excellent in the ring and was able to carry her into a match that wasn’t a total disaster.


If this DQ junk-ending is a sign of things to come then this is going to be a really long show. I know that both TNA and GFW are going to want their brands to look strong in this invasion but you still have to have winners and losers in the actual matches.

On each end of the commercial break we get backstage interviews with PJ Black and Drew Galloway. Both men have been added to the KOTM title match and I have to admit that I am starting to get pretty excited to see it.

Next we have Bobby Roode in the ring. He’s upset that he isn’t included in the KOTM match but he is more upset that Rockstar Spud ended Austin Aries’ TNA career last week on Impact Wrestling. Am I the only one that noticed that Spud is rocking a Booby Roode beard? Maybe I am…

Either way, Spud calls Roode a “prick”, mentions that the kids in the audience want him to be there (but their parents probably didn’t want to hear him say “prick”) and then cuts a promo on Roode before slapping him in the face. Roode in turn chokes Spud, Roodebombs him, throws him into the steel steps and then puts him in the crossface on the floor. I guess Bobby really doesn’t like people copying his facial hair!


 Image Credit:

In the back Jarrett yells at Roode for taking it to far with Spud. I still say Jarrett is evil in disguise!

MATCH 2: JESSIE “THE MAN” GODDERZ VS LASHLEY (Winner advances to KOTM match)

So am I really supposed to think Godderz has even a remote chance of winning this match and going on to the KOTM match?? I could have thought that Godderz could win by DQ or by countout but now I think it’s pretty obvious who will win this one. Putting Godderz in this match would be like putting GFW’s Chris Masters in a KOTM match.


Next up we get a nice video package from the excellent Matt Hardy vs EC3 Full Metal Mayhem match from last week. Say what you will about TNA’s mismanagement of some talent but they really have turned EC3 into a main event caliber star! That guy is fantastic in the ring and even better on the mic. He deserves to be champ and I hope he keeps the belt for a long, long time!

After which we learn that Drew Galloway has been taken out backstage in a similar fashion to Bully Ray. Jeff Jarrett is both outraged and upset. He says will get to the bottom of this while Dixie goes to the hospital with Galloway. He even says to Dixie “Trust me”! That’s like wrestling code for “Don’t trust me! I’m super evil! I’m the evil mastermind!”

EC3 comes out with Tyrus and cuts a great promo. He said “I was born and bred to carry this company on my shoulders into the future!” and I couldn’t agree with him more. After insulting the audience he is interrupted by a limping Matt Hardy. Matt tells EC3 how great he is and then tries to get himself another title match. He even says #MattForChamp. EC3 pretends to compliment Hardy and call him a worthy contender for the title. He says that the fans should decided if Hardy gets another title match. Once the fans cheer for a re-match EC3 says no and has Tyrus beat up Hardy. EC3 then raises the belt over his head and smiles. Great segment!


 Image Credit:

After the break we get The Dollhouse. Taryn setts up a handicap cage match between Jade and Marti Bell vs Gail Kim for next week at TNA Turning Point. On a side note, I like the pay-per-view themed episodes of Impact. It really gives the episodes a special feel.

The commentators announce that GFW’s Chris Mordetzky (fka “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters in WWE) will be tasking the spot of Drew Galloway. I’ll be honest here, I haven’t seen Masters since his WWE days so I don’t know if he has improved any but I am now a lot less excited for the main event…


It’s nice to see Brian Myers (fka Curt Hawkings in WWE) back on TV. I dont know if these guys are normally a team at GFW shows but they look like two randomly thrown together wrestlers. Nothing about them says “tag-team”. Myers is still carrying a walking stick and wearing the same gear he was in the tail end of his WWE career and Trevor was wearing black boots and black trunks. I will just assume that they are just “Team GFW” for this match.

I’m not sure why WWE didn’t hire The Wolves after their NXT tryout match but WWE’s loss is TNA’s gain! The Wolves are, in my opinion, the best team in the world today.

This one was a fast moving and fun-to-watch match. I could see Myers and Lee making a really good team together going forward.


 Image Credit:


Lashley says he can beat anyone, in any match, in any sport. Also he says that TNA rules and that he will be King of the Mountain tonight.


Some great high-flying moves in this very athletic, X-Division style match between current X Champ Tigre Uno and one of the men that helped build the X-Division, Sonjay Dutt. Sonjay acted very “heelish” in this match, trying to unmask Tigre and showboating to the crowd, but when either of these guys is in the ring, you know it’s going to be good.


Jeff Jarrett tell EC3 in the back how proud he is of all EC3 has done. EC3 tells Jarret that he isn’t fooled and that ghe is on to Double J. Jarrett then says that next week, EC3 will have to face whoever wins the KOTM title tonight. EC3 is pissed!

Mr. Anderson challenges Bram to an “Open Mic challenge” match next week at Turning Point. First one to the mic can legally use it on his opponent.


Robbie E?? They replaced Drew Galloway with Robbie E? Was Shark Boy not in the Impact Zone?This even more than before tells me that Jeff Jarrett is a secret evil-doer! Putting Robbie E in there gives the GFW guys a much better chance of winning. But I think Robbie might surprise in this one!

Lashley and PJ Black both get quick pin falls and before eligible to win the match. Shortly after Robbie E becomes eligible. So Robbie is now someone that can win but EY and Chris Masters still cannot.

Lashley pins Robbie E to become eligible again and is now standing around in the ring while everyone else on the outside fighting. I’m not totally sure he knows how this match works. But it’s time for a commercial so maybe they will inform him during the break.

Masters and EY team up and clear out the ring. Masters sneaks up behind EY and pins him to becomes eligible. Action once again spills to the outside and Robbie E jumps off the penalty box onto Lashley and Masters. It was pretty impressive! Robbie then throws PJ Black into the penalty box and then goes after Eric Young. I have to agree with The Pope’s comment that Robbie is really taking advantage of this opportunity!


 Image Credit:

EY piledrives Robbie on the steps and pins him to become eligible to win… maybe I spoke too soon. The action continues as everyone tries to hang the title belt and most get thrown off the ladder. Even Lashley tries to win the match, so that means someone finally explained to him how this whole thing works. Lashley even spears EY off the ladder from the top rope before receiving a 450 splash from PJ Black, who then grabbed the belt and climbed the ladder.


 Image Credit:


All in all this was a really good episode of Impact Wrestling that is hopefully planting the seeds of a full-blown invasion from Global Force Wrestling in the weeks to come. Was it a “Supershow”? I dont know about that but I do hope that it will all build up to some interesting Champion vs Champion and company vs company matches at this years Bound For Glory pay-per-view in October. But I guess the real question is, can Jarrett can keep paying his wrestlers without a TV show or will GFW end up having to just merge with TNA into a “Supercompany”?






– Keith White Jr.

TWITTER: @KeefWhiteJr

Pure Michigan 400


 Image Credit:

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. Let’s go with flow and pick the hot hand. Based on temps and qualifying setup, the only practice that mattered was the final one for our purposes.

Joey Logano, doesn’t get much hotter than this.

Kyle Busch has been hot, but wrecked his main car. Big upside, Big Downside.

Betting against Kevin Harvick is a bad idea, but I keep doing it.

Martin Truex looks like he might finally be back to form.

A Ryan Blaney/Kevin Harvick Combo is probably the best way to play this weekend. I just can’t get it to work for my lineup.

Caution: Hendrick cars are struggling in practice.

Speed on the cheap: Jeb Burton- the cheapest

Drivers are complaining very loudly about the lack of passing they can do. Even though Kyle Busch will be in a backup, he seems to be the only driver that can pass this year when others can’t.

Oddity: All the top qualifiers are no where near the top of the speed charts that matter, except Carl Edwards.

Ideal lineup:
Joey Logano
Kyle Busch
Kurt Busch
Martin Truex
Jeb Burton
– Adam Dulski

Twitter: @adamdulski

Trump Furthers His Attacks… Animated Heroes Are Not Heroes



On the campaign trail late last week, Donald Trump stated that “I prefer that my animated heroes have superpowers. It is a disgrace to be called a hero, and not to be able to fly, throw fire, or something. If you can’t do anything special, why the hell are you animated?”

The comments capped off a week long campaign trip that included stops in New York, Boston, Metropolis, and Gotham Cities.

When contacted for comment Aquaman responded, “Why are you asking me, I have super powers? Can’t you see that I am half fish for Neptune’s sake! Go ask the two fairies over there in the bat leotards, and their utility belts. Neither of those two have one ounce of superhuman ability and they get all the credit.”

If elected president, Trump plans on having his hair bombarded with gamma rays, in hopes that it will give him powers to draw from. “I don’t want to be Medusa, that ugly pig turned everyone into stone, I can’t make deals with statures, I need live people to do business with. Telepathy would be good, I could see where that would make Celebrity Apprentice a lot more interesting.”

The Republican leadership has been hesitant to endorse Trump’s bid for presidential and super powers. After meetings between party leadership and the heads of Justice League leadership committee, the team feels that Donald Trump is most likely one of the shape shifting lizard people from the planet Maltus. If the representatives from the Justice League are correct in their assumption the presence of a Maltiusian Lizard would create an uncomfortable living situation for the current illuminati lizard people who make up the controlling class for most of the United States government, United Nations, and European Union.

Reince Priebus, chairman of the RNC, blasted the Republican hopeful, “I am not xenophobic, racist, or speciesist. I believe all sentient beings have the right to speak their piece, but you can’t talk to people or animated heroes like that, even if you are a shape shifting, lizard, alien. It is not how we do business around here.”

In related news, during a Senate subcommittee meeting Senator John McCain stated for the record, that “I prefer that my politicians are politically and factually correct”. It was reported that the former prisoner of war now long time senator dropped the congressional microphone and left the room.


If you like this story, or would like to just say hi, you can reach me at:

FACEBOOK: PunkyBrewStars

TWITTER: @punky_brew_stars

UNTAPPD: jorgi40



– Brad Johnson